Happy early Festivus! You know I'll be celebrating the hell out of it. The "Airing of Grievances" is now a Ross Family tradition. Well, they all try and get me to stop, but I keep doing it. Then I throw down with Grampa Ross in an epic "Feats of Strength"! This year I'm fighting dirty. Old man's gotta go down sometime...
Anyway, today I have a Tron and Tron Legacy Movie Review and Rating, a Christmassy Be A Dear, and for old time's sake a review of another Rossman holiday tradition: Always My Santa! Ho, ho, ho! And Whore, whore, whore! One more yearly wrap up next week, then 2011... Fuck.
One more week closer to Christmas, and quite frankly I don't give much of a shit this year. Maybe once all my illegitimate children get old enough to track me down and give me gifts it'll make the season special again, but until then I'm just going to celebrate Festivus. Now I just have to find my aluminum pole. Oh, but since you're here, why not check out my latest Anime Review and Rating for RAINBOW. Yay. Oh, and here's an old exposé I did on the fat creature known as Santa years ago: The TRUTH About Santa. Bonjour!
Okay, I'm a day late. I have excuses, but you don't need to know them if the cops don't need to know them. Dig? Good. Well, since it's the Christmas season, here's a new NESticision where the topic is WikiLeaks. WikiLeaks. Want to know what a WikiLeak is and how to stop it? So does the US, Russia, North Korea, Great Britain, and all of the world powers.
Okay, seriously, if you have any good completed anime series that I need to watch, let me know (and no, Senkou no Night Raid doesn't count. I meant "good series that I can get through without wanting to throw rocks through my TV set to hurt the animated not-real people within"). This is the longest drought I've been in since Kylie tied me up and made me watch Ally McBeal with her for two months until the cops came and shot her in the skull five times. In the mean time, here's a Thanky Daily for you. Blah.
It's Thanksgiving week, and although I never have anything to truly be thankful for, I thought that at the very least I guess I could be grateful that I wasn't a character in The Hunger Games Trilogy that I Reviewed and Rated for you this fine November day. So there's that.
Last week was an out of town week, but I'm back now, and I've FINALLY gotten the last two pages of my Things To Do in DC When You're Dead (Tired) Examiner article up. They are both epictastic. Beyond. Oh, and I'm also partaking of another Uber-Week starting this Friday night. The game is Eternal Sonata. The snacks are all purchased, the phones will be unhooked, and the family will be told I died in a grisly car crash (and my body can't even be identified) on Thursday night. I've got it all worked out.
It seems I've waited an eternity for these next two reviewed movies to not only come out on Blu-ray in Japan, but to then be fansubbed for my enjoyment. Find out if the wait was worth it or if I hate the final result with the burning rage of man who finds Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain hiding in his wife's closet when he comes home from a hard day of kissing the boss' ass at the office in my Eden of the East Movie Review and Rating! Both King of Eden and Paradise Lost covered.
Sick as a puking dog that just ate a diseased baby bunny last week, but I'm back in the saddle this week with a new Deadpool Movie Script Review and Rating for your ultimate enjoyment. Trust me, they didn't get the same dickhead who wrote the Wolverine: Origins flick to write this screenplay. Fuck, I don't have to explain myself to you, that's what my shitty reviews are for. Oh, and because they're out in force at this time of year, here's my How To Kill Monsters to help you make it past this week.
Alright! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzombies!.... Meh, I can take them or leave them really. But in case you dig them, here's a High School of the Dead Anime Review and Rating. Just go nuts with it. 'Tis the season and all that shit.
FINALLY! It' October, and that means it's time to start getting ready for all things paranormal for the holiest of holidays, Halloween. So firstly I bring you my Occult Academy Anime Review and Rating, and then I present to you my Hobo Daily because... Well, hobos are kind of scary and spooky. So there you go. Fuck off.
Today it's a battle of the men versus the women! In the blue corner, it's a Male-centric Daily! And in the dainty pink corner, it's a new Be A Dear... featuring women stuff out the ass! Let's get ready to PARRRRTAAAAAAAAY!
I should be back to Wednesday updates again (for the foreseeable future). Plan accordingly.
Other than a fun weekend drinking and hanging out with Tammi with an "i" and Captain Rugged — who took turns smacking the "whoa is me" out of me by reminding me that my life isn't nearly as sucky as I hoped it'd be (for sympathy points) — I finally finished a new anime series, which I now present to you in my newest Baka and Test: Summon the Beasts Anime Review and Rating. Also, a new Viewer Mail about bathing suits and shit
The horrendous crush of everyday living (and mostly working) is behind me... for a little while. So here's a new Testing Daily to celebrate. And since I haven't had any time in the past 4 weeks to watch any new movies or anime, here's an older series that I finished up just before my life went to hell a month ago. So go re-read why you should go out and (re)watch RahXephon again. It's good for you. Next week a new anime review. I swear.
Balls, steel vice. Steel vice, balls. Oh, have you two met before? Yeah, that's right, you have. I remember the intense pain life can give through your crushing grip, steel vice, just like it was yesterday. Because it was. And the day before. And the day before that before. Anyway, in order to slip into a world of semi-escapism, I decided to get two more pages done of my most insanely excellent trip to DC over a month ago. Fuck. I just might get drunk tonight and try and reenact those times. Or maybe I'll just buy a gun — no headache the next morning. Here's Parts 3 and 4 of my Things To Do In DC When You're DEAD (tired) Examiner Article.
Guess what?! Yup, it's crunch time at work again. Meh, no biggie, but it just means only one real update this week again. But it's a doozy I've been working on for a while now. Here is my Movie/Comic Review and Rating of Scott Pilgrim Versus the World! Oh, and a new look for the Daily that isn't all pink and purpley and gay like it had been for the past 2 years. Yeah, sorry about that.
It's been a hella week. Work, life, car repair shit... Very tough. Very rough. Very expensive. Read all about it in my Serene Daily here. Then join me for a half dozen shots of Vodka. Then some Tequila. Then I plan to drink till I puke. It'll be fun.
First, a warning in the form of my Casshern Sins Anime Review and Rating. Then, a warning of wicked sweetness in the form of Parts 1 and 2 of my Things To Do In DC When You're DEAD (tired) Examiner Article. You are so welcome.
I hope all of you did your homework, 'cause here's the test: My Angel Beats Anime Review and Rating. Next week, part 1 of Doss-Con 2010: The Doss Is Strong With This One!
Before I tell you about this week's update, you have a homework assignment. Go and watch all of Angel Beats. Trust me. Do not read anything or even talk to anybody about it. Just watch it cold. You can thank me later and read my review about it next week (if you're good). Now, here's my Durarara!! Anime Review and Rating. There you go.
Okay, remember a few years ago when I shat all over the Fullmetal Alchemist anime series because the second half sucked, and it was really dumb, and then the shitty movie came along and made things worse?... Well guess what? Those magnificent bastards at Studio Bones actually went back and remade the whole goddamn thing, only this time they followed Arakawa's storyline to the goddamn letter! Read my Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood Anime Review and Rating to see what the fucking awesome result was.
Oh, and a new Thunderdome in the Trees Daily. And for you bastards who begged for a Facebook page from me, fucking join so I don't look like a bigger loser than I already am. Seriously, you made me sign up with the anti-Christiest website for web-developers ever, so now don't leave me hanging. Facebook blows...
Yes, The Last Airbender hit theaters last weekend... Yes, I did see it. Yes....... I still have night-terrors. I still see the glorious final product that it COULD have been. Yes....... I still weep for the waste of over $100million that could have made something truly special. Fuck. Go ahead and just read my The Last Airbender Movie Review and Rating. Save yourself...
Nothing new this week due to everything and the weather dominator, but here's an old Glittering Gay Vampire Peen Twilight Book Review and Rating to remind you just how fantastically retarded all those Twi-fags are out there. Yes, they're out there, and they love 100 year-old creepy stalkers and pedophile werewolves. Pedophile werewolves. You know it.
There's so much new shit (movies and anime) coming out now, next week will have something new from me to you. Promise, pumpkin.
Hey! Long time no see! What have you been up to?... Really? That was you? That's awesome! Who knew they'd stop looking for the governor's daughter after only a week. You have the luck of the filthy Irish in you, I'll tell you what... Oh, and after you get rid of the evidence and burn the windowless van, why don't you take a look at my newest Toy Story Trilogy Movie Review and Rating? It'll be here when you're done. Take your time. There's no point rushing a job that needs to be done correctly the first time.
Not much this week, just a new 4-Team Daily. I'm also catching up on the new Fullmetal Alchemist series that's almost over in Japan, so in preparation for my upcoming review of that bad boy why don't you read my reviews of the original FMA anime and its follow-up movie in order to remind yourself about just how SHITTY they both were in order to necessitate a remake less than 5 years later. Christ they sucked.
Christ!... What day is it? October? Well, in case you skipped it on opening weekend because the commercials for it were godawful, here's my Splice Movie Review and Rating to hopefully change your mind. And two quick Be A Dear's, just to show you that it's not just my life that sucks. Have at'cha!
I was going to review the Prince of Persia movie for you, but I didn't feel any major love or hatred for it, and it would have been a boring read. Instead, check out my Redhead Daily! Only if you dare.
I'm back, and I'm Lost. Ha! Get it! Isn't that clever?! I'm reviewing and rating ABC's television show Lost, and I kind of made a pun about it! That is so fucking hilarious of me! Worship my wit! I AM YOUR GOD NOW!
Nothing new next week, but THIS week I have three things for you. Holy. Shit. I know, that's just so generous of me. First up is a new Iron Man 2 Review and Rating. Boom.
Second up is a new story from Ms. Scarlett about her house smellin' like ass. Boom-boom!
And finally, 4 new Vocal Vomits about my friends and I (and Steve) getting pissed at stupid people doing stupid things in the world. Shakka-lakka-lakka BOOM! Now just spread them out and save at least one for next week and you will still be able to have your fix.
Have you ever waited for the sequel or the follow up to a great movie or a book or a TV series and you just knew that you may have gotten your hopes up a little too high before it came out, but then you see it or read it and you think "Holy shit! That was just as good as the original!" Well, I waited about 9 years for the sequel to the anime series Kiddy Grade and, well, why don't you pull up a chair and sit down and make yourself comfortable for my Kiddy Girl-and Anime Review and Rating and read all about it yourself.
I'm telling ya, this has been one shitty as fuck week. How do they keep on coming like this? It's like I'm stuck on a railroad track and one big ass engine after another keeps barreling down the line, smashing into me each time without even slowing down for fear of causing a massive derailment. Here's the debut of a brand new site (YAY!) that my friend Ms. Scarlett was generous enough to write for me: Be a Dear and Put Down Mommy's Vibrator. It is pure awesome.
Also, I have a new How To Do Shit piece up today: How To End a Relationship (the Rossman Way). You just can't lose!
Getting a lot more done behind the scenes this week, but I still found time to get a few things done for you schlubs. Here's a new Kick-Ass Movie and Comic Book Review and Rating, and there's also a new NEStisicion about Socialized/Universal Healthcare. You don't have to read it now, but soon enough I'll pass a law that REQUIRES you to read it... So be forewarned.
First of all, because the Chief is a DICK and had to point out to me that the main Rossman CRoss Roads Homepage had gone without a new look for over 5 years, I then couldn't rest before I completely revamped the fucker. Check that shit out here: NEW ROSSMAN HOMEPAGE. Then check out my newest double Anime Review and Rating(s): Ladies Versus Butlers & Kimi ni Todoke. Panties and breasts and lame angst, OH MY! Now for sleep... Thanks to two bottles of NyQuil and 5 pints of Vodka. Sweet release...
Nothing really new this week, but I did watch the Gurren Lagann movies, and I added my thoughts about them to my Gurren Lagann Anime Review and Rating (at the bottom of my initial review). Next week I'll have more, AND a super mega jerk-me-off new design to the main page. You will shit your pants.
If you come out of this with ANYthing helpful, I hope it's that NOTHING can contain the Disappearing Monkey. A Disappearing Monkey Daily is here. Oh, and a new Kemonozume Anime Review and Rating. Oh yeah, you heard that right.
Here's a new Bob Ross Inspired Daily based on an adventure where I actually got up off my butt last week, and because I just finished rewatching it, here's my old review of Avatar - The Last Airbender for you. Really, get over the fact that this aired on Nick. Watch this goddamn thing. It's one of the greatest TV shows ever. Yes I'm still drunk, but that don' make it not true! Puppies!@
Got this one done early, and figured I'd share with you all. Here's my Summer WARS Anime Review and Rating. And remember, just because you think something will be good (sight unseen) doesn't necessarily mean it will be. I've said my peace.
Ever have one of those days that just winds up and KICKS you in the nuts as hard as anything possibly can?... I'm talking like a donkey from Krypton kicking with all its goddamn might... That was yesterday. My frickin great grandkids will be born cross-eyed thanks to yesterday.... I am so going to miss Corey Haim.
Whatever, here's your new Everything You Wanted to Know About Everything, Courtesy of Dave Examiner Article for you. Now to stuff an ice pack into my boxers.
Just take it and go. The Secret of Kells Movie Review and Rating awaits. So fookin' tired now. I'm just gonna rest for a bit. Right here....
I have a new goal in life, and an old '80s hottie is helping me out. A Blue Whale-sized Daily follows.
Ugh... I thought I could do this, but alas, I cannot. As anyone who knows me knows, new Lost episode nights are Lost Party Nights for me — usually at somebody else's house — and now that ABC has fucked with their schedule one more time and put Lost back on Tuesdays I no longer have my Tuesday nights free to finish up my weekly crap. So, for the next three or so months, my updates will be on Thursdays. Hey, it's not so bad. That one extra day of anticipation will just make the new stuff that much more awesomer! That's a goddamn promise.
Anyway, this past snowed-in weekend allowed me plenty of time to revisit and re-fall in love with Gurren Lagann; and I have to say, it's about 5Xs better the second time around. If I got to review it again I'd probably give it an "A" or an "A+". But whatever. Just read my Gurren Lagann Anime Review and Rating and then give Gainax's ultimate universe-rending mecha show a go. See the invisible, break the unbreakable. Row, row, fight the powah!
Oh boy! The Winter Olympics start this Friday, and you know what that means, don't you? It means that even though I didn't have any goddamn free time to get anything new done this week, I can still post something in the form of my Examiner Article The Olympic Spirit of Winter (the lesser, faggier games). And if you're lucky, maybe I'll tell you all about my barium enema and my MRI next week! If you send me enough requests I might even post pictures!!!11!!
Once again, another shittily busy week, but I still managed to get something done for you. Please! Acknowledge me! Plee-hee-heeeeeze! Tell me I'm good! Tell me I'm a good boy!
Anyway, it's my Black Butler Anime Review and Rating. I had a joke here about the butler not really being black, and Japan being filled with xenophobic racists, but I thought that might be too much for some people, so I'll just let it go.
It's been a helluva week, but I did at least get one thing done for you babies: Park Chan-Wook's Vampire opus... Here's my Thirst Movie Review and Rating. For those of you looking for a REAL vampire movie.
Oh my God... It's been a horrible week for natural disasters. So much death and carnage and absolute boredom — but you can read all about it here in this Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 Anime Review and Rating. Don't see it, read it. Unless you like crap like that.
It was announced today that a writer was hired to create a script for a sequel to GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. This is an Open Letter to that Writer. Please read, and please heed.
Holy goddamn fuck... We're in the year 2010... The year we make contact. I don't think you've pondered that thought enough or you'd be absolutely shitting yourself with amazement right now. It's the year twenty-ten! There's a half-black man in the White House! There's civilian space travel going on (well, soon enough)!! And we're in the middle of the COLDEST GODDAMN WINTER IN MODERN HISTORY all thanks to Global Warming! Wrap your tiny heads around the wonders of the future..... TODAY!
Oh, and here's a new Darker Than BLACK 2: Gemini of the Meteor Anime Review and Rating for you too. That do anything for you?