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(The Rossman Mail Archive Page can be found here)
I love threats made on the internet! There's something thrilling about them that just makes my blood rush. Sometimes though I have a tendency to see threats that aren't really there, and that's when correspondences like the following emails happen.
Cade's First Email:
I am Cade J. Campbell. I am writing to inform you that there is a photo of JFK in the motorcade on 9.22.63, that belongs to me & is copyrighted in my name. The image is being used on your website, without my permission. I have requested more than once that you remove the image.
Here is the link to the website with the image in question:
and can be found further in the URL link:
Please see PBS.org has my photo with information (and my permission): JFK November 22, 1963: A Bystander's View of History | PBS NewsHour | Nov. 14, 2013
Furthermore the image in question can be located with the Library of Congress by going to http://www.loc.gov or http://www.copyright.gov and retrieved with the following information:
**EDITED OUT BECAUSE IT WAS A WALL OF BORING TEXT**
At this time I would ask that you please remove the photo from your website or I will be forced to seek litigation.
If you have any questions please contact me.
Cade J. Campbell
I apologize if you have sent any previous letters or correspondence to me in the past, as this was the first email that I have received from you, especially regarding the topic at hand.
I am very pleased that you have read and liked my site, and its many colorful stories and brilliant reviews covering such topics as "Rooting for Death: Why the Stupid Should Die," "Going Gay the San Francisco Way," and "The Review and Rating of Paris Hilton's Sex Tape Video." All modern day classics, if you ask me.
I see that you have some small issue in regards to a tiny shitty photograph that I have used on my site that was taken back on November 22, 1963. It seems that taking said photograph and altering it considerably with my own parodic text bubble, I have upset you and caused you to think that I am using said image unfairly. This is not true, and if you were knowledgeable in the "fair use" laws up and running in our awesome country (check this shit out: https://apps.americanbar.org/ litigation/committees/ intellectual/roundtables/ 0506_outline.pdf), you would know that my lame attempt at humor falls completely under this little thing called "fair use" as "The Supreme Court has unequivocally held that a parody may qualify as fair use under § 107. According to the Court, a parody is the 'use of some elements of a prior author’s composition to create a new one that, at least in part, comments on that author’s works.'” Id. at 580.
My shit totally does this, my main man, Cady. All that my alterations DO is comment on your original work in a humorous way. At least I find it funny.... And if you want to get deep, you can ask "what IS humor?" But that's a slippery slope. See, I'm sure that you find stuff like Paul Blart: Mall Cop funny, and that garbage offends my sense of humor to the point of making me question your intelligence as a grown man and a human being. IF you like that crap. I'm not saying that you do, but if you don't like my stuff.... Wellllllll.....
Anyway, I contacted my lawyer today and asked if the way I used the photo that you say you have a copyright on (did you actually TAKE that photograph, Cady? Or did you simply buy it, just like those patent trolls who try to take millions away from ground-breaking, hard-working, tech companies, simply because they have a very vague patent that they bought up from somebody desperate for cash 10 years ago?). My lawyer said "Rossman, seriously, don't even respond to this guy. He's got no leg to stand on, and he kind of sounds like he has a stick up his ass. Just ignore it, you're totally covered under 'fair use' and all that stuff. And don't tell anybody that I had lunch with you. It might get around."
To sum things up: I'm safe with fair use, since I altered the picture to make it a parody of the picture's initial concept. Also, I'm not making a fucking DIME off the picture on my website. Seriously, I spend a lot of my own money, out of pocket, each year, since I refuse to post any ads on my site, so it's not like I'm profiting from the picture you bought the rights to back in the 90s, or that you inherited from your father.
But if it makes you feel any better, I will alter your copyrighted picture even more, just so that it's even MORE of a parody than it was before. I've even gone the extra mile and added your copyright to the image itself. Now we all should be happy... Well, I'LL be happy, but I doubt that YOU'VE ever been happy in the last ten years. Seriously, do you spend your days google image searching for pictures you've bought copyrights on? That's a pretty sad life, Cody.
(new, even more parodious image attached!)
I was pretty pissed that this was the first letter that I got from Cady J. Campbell, and he was already threatening me with litigation, but I felt satisfied with my initial response... But then he came back with the following, and it made me realize that sometimes I have a tendency to go a bit overboard, and I felt a little bad for my quick-draw McGraw reaction.
My apologies if I offended you in any way. I was rushing and copy and pasting from past emails. The part about writing you previously was in error and should have been deleted.
For the record, I hate movies like Paul Blart or its sequel.
I did purchase the rights from an old friend who's father actually did take the picture. I purchased the rights but the photo was already used on the internet and spread like crazy so I was instructed by an attorney friend to write all of these big asshole companies, that are using it for their profit, and ask them to take it down. I have slowly been working on it in my free time for two years. Unfortunately you got one of my bitchy copy and pasted emails. I didn't mean any offense at all. I like the new version of the picture and I do love the site. Good sense humor which is hard to find. Thanks for mentioning me and keep up the good work you're putting out.
My Really Feeling Bad Response to That:
No, no offense taken at all, and in fact I have to apologize for being a total dick in my response. I was aiming for "internet funny," but in hindsight it was actually just "internet tool."
Sorry for that, and I thank you for being so cool with it. Keep on keepin' on!
And if you haven't read Stephen King's 11.22.63 I highly recommend it. Great book.
I can repent for my own dickishness when I need to. I'm not a monster.
I've said it many, many times before: Hate mail is glorious... When it's not written by a toddler. Then it's just a dissappointment. Just like Derren is to his entire immediate family.
From: Derian Orman
Subject: lol wtf?
Your "reviews" and your friends "reviews" are honestly the worse I've ever seen in my life. Just painfuly bad. Don't quit your day job cuz you have no future in internet reviewing.
Oh noooooo, did Derian get his feelings hurt because he liked something that I thought was pig shit awful? You're right, the best way to unbunch your panties is to be MANLY, and the only way you know to be manly is to say (and I quote) "lol wtf?" and then send the person that disagrees with your (retarded) opinions a horribly misspelled email claiming that he's a Mr. Poopypants reviewer without giving any examples or reasons for your own arguments. I must say, well played, good sir.
Now kick your dog out of your bed, wipe off the peanut butter, put on some pants and write me a REAL letter, giving me real reasons why I am so horrible, and explain why you're so butthurt over what some random internet writer had to say about a shitty show, movie, or anime that you loved (for some stupid reason). Be a man, you pussy.
(And goddammit! If you use either "LOL" or "WTF" again I will find you and punch you in the tacklebox, Dermont!)
Since it took about a week for DerrDerr to get back to me, I was afraid that he just wussed out and gave up on trying to be a big shot on the interwebz by trying (and failing horribly) to insult a small-time reviewer with too much time on his hands and a lame URL to his name. Unfortunately he DID get back to me and, well, his reply is below.
|From: Derian Orman
Subject: RE: lol wtf?
You're honestly dumber than I thought if you're gonna try and get into a flame war with me, pussy boy. LOL GET MAD, SON.
My Response to his well thought out reply:
First, please let me start off with BWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Seriously, do you only argue with 3 year-olds? Does a pathetic response like what you just sent me ever make you feel like you've won ANYTHING in your miserable and worthless life (besides the disapproval of your father who wanted a son, and not a complete pussy)?
Derrick, you are by far the absolute stupidest faggot I've ever had the displeasure of talking to online. At first I thought you might have something to say -- something possibly intelligent to counter my original thoughts on my reviews -- but instead I find that you are nothing but a lame troll with way too much free time on your hands. Yes, you are a lame troll, since you don't even understand the very basics of trolling.
Please, do some homework before you hurt yourself with your next attempt at trying to make someone cry on the internet. In fact, let me help you with this. Below is the Urban Dictionary definition of "trolling":
The art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pissing people off (see, this is where you failed right off the bat, Der), usually via the internet, using dialogue. Trolling does not mean just making rude remarks: Shouting swear words at someone doesn't count as trolling; it's just flaming, and isn't funny...
You are an unsuccessful troll, Derrick. Not to mention you really deserve to have your big sister step on your nutsack after she catches you masturbating to her in the shower because you constantly use "LOL" in daily emails to people. Please, drink Drano and die. Nobody likes you, and you will never get laid without that peanut butter and your dog... And that doesn't even count.
(The following is also very important, Derr...) The most essential part of trolling is convincing your victim that either a) you truly believe in what you are saying, no matter how outrageous, or b) give your victim malicious instructions, under the guise of help.
Trolling requires deceiving; any trolling that doesn't involve deceiving someone isn't trolling at all; it's just stupid. As such, your victim must not know that you are trolling; if he does, you are an unsuccessful troll.
Burn in hell, Derrick.
Clever trolling, even used against me, is usually hilarious. Sad trolling, even used against Scientologists, is always just sad. Think of the children... Stop the sad trolling.
A lot of times I get emails from readers that either don't require a lot of response, or they're just being assholes who're looking for me to trip up and reply with something stupid. So I oblige them. Here are a few recent letters and replies just because I don't have anything else to post this week.
From: john o
Subject: letter to the editor
you are a smart guy who knows how to do shit.
i need to come up with a couple grand and willing to do it anyway legally.
can you advise me how to do this shit?
Well first you'll need two giant drums of hydrochloric acid, 25 hookers who can take direction and dress up classy, a chimpanzee that you've trained to open doors, a saxophone, a map to the governor's house, and two fake bombs made from household items and some cheap wires from Radio Shack (pay in cash, you don't want anything traced back to you)..... Wait a minute, you said "legally"? Sorry, nope. I don't know a legal way.
This next one is just weird. I mean, I knew a Blake in high school, and I was known as the "Jolly Rancher Man" for the last two years of my high school life, but who the fuck is Jet? And what is REED? Whatever.
From: me megustablake@**********.com
It's Blake! From HS!
I can't believe I found your site still with the flashing Zelda!
Get a facebook! Even Jet has one!
We'll fight to the death for candy as we have little to live for now..
Blake? From High Shoals?! And Jet Li?!? You have candy? I'll fight for it, but not till the death. My parole officer won't allow that.
Then there's the following kind of letter. This one is from an old high school friend who's afraid for my soul. She's the kind of person who'd dangle a McDonald's hamburger over a starving child in the street and yank it away as he weakly reached for it by chiding him with a "Nuh-uh-uhhhh! Not until you get baptized and kiss my god's ass!"
Please read this!
Melanie sent me the link to your so-called website, and I truly fear for your eternal soul. You used to be so nice, please tell me that you still worship God!.
Do you still accept Christ as your Lord AND SAVIOR???
Your friend in Jesus Christ, Christina.
Yes. Yes I do.
- the Rossman
Wait.... did you say Christ or Satan?
Except for Bram Stoker and Terry Pratchett, every other book about vampires that has ever been written is horribly ghey. Horribly. I did try a new series of vamp books (well, I only got through the first one, Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer), and then I reviewed what I read (see review here to fully understand the following letters), and then I got lots of (fantastically bad) hate mail from some readers... Honestly didn't know that so many douchebag-loving teenage girls read my site. I absolutely love it when people read a book or watch a movie or TV show and then go online looking for reviews that match their own beliefs, and verbally assault people who hold differing opinions to their own (deeply religious) viewpoints, especially when those online anti-reviews back up all their reasons for hating (or loving) a certain piece of media with plenty of logical explanations.
Anyway, this is by far the best back and forth volley of angry mail I've gotten in ages. Enjoy!
The Original "You Stink!" Letter From Stephanie Nichols:
I just finished reading what you call a "review" of the novel Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and all I can say is, "Wow... what a fucking jerkoff!" You are seriously one of the crudest and uncreative jackasses I have ever come across. Yes, the book was definitely written for a specific age group, and they just so happen to be teenage girls. So what?! You are obviously one of those men who were made fun of by the popular "good looking" guy in school... so you are biased when introduced to a character that is everything completely opposite of you... and I would also be very very surprised if you were married to anything but a woman with an amazing capability of overlooking EVERYTHING you do and say. Oh and I read "His Dark Material's" series and while yes, it was very well written, it was also about killing God... which isn't very mind blowing to me. Although I felt so strongly opposed to his ideas... I didn't go around talking an obscene amount of crap about him and the story. So with much irritation and pity, I wish you luck in discovering more curse words to make you feel more like a man. :)
Go to the rest of the TWILIGHT E-MAILS (and my responses)
Sometimes I just take some things for granted: like the sky is blue, retards run the government, and everybody hates all those never-ending, lame, shittily-told, shounen anime shows that seem to get shit out of Japan every few years. So it's quite surprising whenever I get mail informing me that some (mentally incapable) people actually DO like these unplotted crapfests, and THEY wonder why I don't! That's like Bizarro World there... Anyway, that brings me to today's mail written by a guy with one of the coolest names ever.
Subject: reviews question
im curious as to why havent you made reviews of the most popular animes out there? like naruto, one piece, bleach etc? just wondering
greetings from fan from mexico xD
My Initial Response:
I usually don't respond this quickly, but you caught me just as I was done checking out 4chan's /s/ board, so I'm satisfied and thought I'd reply before going to sleep for the night.
The reason I don't review things like Naruto, One Piece and Bleach is because I like to review the whole story of whatever I'm watching/reading/playing. Those shows will NEVER fucking end, and therefore they don't have the all important final act for me to judge them upon as a whole. It'd be like reading Stephen King's The Dark Tower novels, but stopping with two more to go, and just repeat-reading the middle books for 5 to 10 years. Those kinds of shows (that simply stretch their storyline out because the original author figured out that there's money to be made if he drags his plot out to infinity) bug the shit out of me. They're all nothing but Dragon Ball Z all over again: Good guys fight very powerful bad guys; lose (or come close to losing); good guys get better, BEAT bad guys; newer, stronger bad guys come along; repeat.
I like things with a beginning, middle, and end. The end of shonen shows like Naruto, One Piece and Bleach will never live up to their hype (if they ever do in fact end). Fan boys expect way too much from them after following them for years (if not decades). They are bound to disappoint. And don't tell me "They're all about the journey, not the destination." That's bullshit apologetic wishing. No, stories are all about the finale. That is the entire point to a story -- its ending. If a story is great (or at least fun) up until the ending, but then you find out that the reason the story was dragged on for so long is because the author never really had a good, unique finish in mind, then all you remember is that disappointing finale, and the taste of fresh vomit in your mouth.
It's like watching somebody run an epic marathon, be half a mile ahead of his nearest competition as he nears the finish line, only to have that poor fucker trip, fall, and scrape his face upon the pavement just feet from the goal. What is the most important part of that race? The great run up until the last ten yards, or the fact that he fucked up at the very end when he needed to be his best and had his face turn into hamburger.
That, and I don't have time to watch 500 episodes of any show ever. I don't care if One Piece turns out to be the second coming of Evangelion. NOTHING is worth catching up to 500 eps. Though seriously, if you can't tell your story in under 500 episodes you've kind of failed as a narrator. Yeah, you're probably rich as hell, but you sold out, and you should stop using up all the blue paint in Korea for all those oceans they have to color in for your show.
There is an exception to this "Never ending shows suck" rule though, and that is comedy series. The whole point to humorous shows is to make the viewer laugh, and if they're still going strong after 100 or 200 episodes, then more power to them.
(Have some Red Wyrm Tequila for me! Adios, muchacho!)
I find it curious how some people believe that everybody on the planet should think alike and like all the same shit as everybody else. I, of course, am one of those people, and I KNOW that if everybody thought like me this world would be a much nicer and more violent place. Anyway, Maximus John-boy Billy here seems to think that everybody should think like him. He's a little pissant, so I disagree, but I think that he should think that he's a little pissant too. You see how this works? Anyway, read on!
Subject: Question To "Rossman"
I am not entertained by your reviews.
-Maximus John-boy Billy
My Initial Response:
...How is that a "Question"?
Go to the rest of the Review-Hate-Filled E-MAILS
Most people who ask me about my world views are shut-ins, and I can pretty much tell them whatever I want and they'll buy it completely. Tim, however, is a global traveler just looking for a little clarity. I give it to him, as well as a few cheap pot-shots against his adopted country.
Subject: Your Japan article
Just to keep my sanity about the world... I will assume that you over exaggerated about most of that...
As an American living in the UK... I think they've got it much better here in terms of liberalism about sexuality (and most other things). You can find tits on TV at 7pm on major channels as part of normal programmes, same in most of europe.
After 10 we even get all the four letter words on the box which USA seems to shun. Fuck a doodle doo.
Go to a beach anywhere in Europe on a hot day and I guarantee to find boobies. Eventually it just doesn't matter anymore.
Anyway, nice site and keep up the good work.
Go to the rest of the JAPAN IS PERVERTED E-MAILS
(and my responses)
Hey! Ever hear of the KANNO SISTERS!!?!!? Me neither!... At least not until I got this unsolicited letter in my email box. Once I read that they were two ex-whores who were having an anime made about them I quickly responded to the invite below. "Ex-Whore Anime Super Suck Time Fun Show!" Just imagine!
The Original Email:
*Kano Shimai x Production IG (/Ghost In the Shell/) press conference August 9th!! *
Dear NEU BAUHAUS LLC and Ai Aota Friends!
We would like to inform you with our new project and press conference information KANO SHIMAI on August 9th 2008. Official Link: http://www.ponycanyon.co.jp/asianbeauties/officialsite/index.html
If you would like to attend the press conference on August 9th at Baltimore Convention Center, Please let me know via e-mail listed below. I will prepare the media pass for you and your camera crew. Event Link: http://www.otakon.com/ guests_ind.asp#kanosis
NEU BAUHAUS LLC JP-US Marketing / Consultant / Coordination
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Kano Sisters Anime Project Press conference
Saturday, August 9th, 2008 OTAKON
(Lots and lots of information regarding who the fuck the Kano Sisters actually are cut out here... It basically said "I can't BELIEVE you don't know who these chicks are! They're like non-tranny tranny-whores! They're teh awesome-o!" for like 15 paragraphs.)
NEU BAUHAUS LLC JP-US Marketing / Consultant / Coordination
310-886-0893 310-220-6996 (FAX) 453 S. Spring St Suite 930 Los Angeles CA 90013
MY DISBELIEVING RESPONSE
Holy suck my anus! You're KIDDING me! THE Kanno Sisters? Yoko and her imouto, Okoy!? I'd absolutely whack off in public in order to cover that press conference for my readers... You're paying for my travel expenses, right?
(Okay, I read somewhere that they were once prostitutes... Please tell me this isn't a lie. Will I be given any "one on two" time with them behind a podium or anything for my "interview"? Yes, I even want the tranny-looking one too. There's just something.... scary there that frightens yet titilates me.)
THE "OMG! SOMEBODY'S INTERESTED! CALL THE BOSS!" RESPONSE TO MINE
Thank you for your interest, let me find out what we can do about it.
Mean while, can I have your publication's profile?
Circulation, web hits, whatever you can give me?
MY HURRIED ANSWER TO AI'S REQUEST
My website (therossman.com) has been in operation for 13 years now, and has covered many conventions and press conferences in the past including: Anime Expo 97 and 98, Animazement 98, E3 98 - 2001, ONIcon 98, PornCon 99, The AVN Awards 2000 - 2003, The Academy Awards (half of 2001's ceremony... before I was thrown out for peeing on Andy Dick [who asked me to do it]), CHUD-Fest 2-7, and Otakon 2002. My website (therossman.com) has many tens (possibly 100) of loyal readers who read everything I write for them — even when it's absolute crappola — and worship the goddamn ground I walk on.
According to some global internet traffic rankings site I think I read somewhere, my website (therossman.com) is sitting pretty at #243,895. That's compared to every frickin' website ever made! Think about that for a minute! There must be billions of websites out there, and I'm still #243,895! I'm sure that I reach more people than the average lower ranking MySpace page. Definitely more than most faggy Facebook blogs.
My bags are all packed and I look forward to hearing back from you.
No response yet... And I honestly can't fathom how I got on Ai's original list in the first place.
Sometimes email confuses me, just like how the same amount of donut-holes that make up a whole donut cost 3 times as much as a regular donut. What the fuck?
The Original Email:
I don't like your opinion of anything.... In fact, I think you're the anti-me
So, I'm warning you... you better stay away... cuz if we ever meet we'll anihlate the universe
p.s your website sux
P.P.S I'm femail
P.P.P.S and hot
P.P.P.P.S. You are the unluckiest man alive
P.P.P.P.P.S. And your website still sux
My Opposite (But Uber-Equal) Response:
I don't understand... If you are indeed the Anti-Me then yes, you would be a chick, but in order to be "anti" me anything you'd have to be butt-ugly too, so how can you be "and hot" too? Oh! Or maybe you're like the Sinestro to my Green Lantern! Or the Joker to my Batman! Or the Ganon to my Link! Or (in layman's terms) the ultimate coont to my ultimate cock! You know what? Screw the universe! We have so got to meet. Our kids would be made of dark matter! They would rule all.
(Wait, did you say my website "sux"?! Oh fuck me, you better HOPE we never meet, 'cause chick or not, bitches who don't appreciate art get a faceful of fail-cake (fail POUND cake) made just for them! [Unless you're reeeeeeeeeeeeally fucking hot.])
FYI, if the world and everything instantaneously stops, that was probably just us.
See, sometimes I actually DO get serious mail from people. Mail that requires thought and a well articulated response in order to properly reply and answer the askee's original question... Not that I GIVE any real thought or a well articulated response, I'm just saying that letters like this require that stuff to be fully appreciated. Anyway, here's a question about the legalities of fansubs and their (supposed) destruction of the American anime industry.
I do like fan mail. Really. Unless it's stupid fan mail. Most of my fan mail is stupid fan mail. That's why, if you want to write to me, please try to make it hate mail. Hate mail is ALWAYS fun. Stupid fan mail is simply painful. 100% of the time. See below.
The stupid fan mail in question:
I like your reviews, they are all really informative and helpful in helpig me decide the anime I will watch next. I trust your opinion because it is so much like mine so please tell me what you think of the following anime!!!
- Aa Megami-sama (TV)
- Aa Megami-sama: Sorezore no Tsubasa (TV)
- Aa Megami-sama: Tatakau Tsubasa (special)
- Aa! Megamisama! (OAV)
- (The) Adventures of Mini-Goddess (TV)
- Adventures of Patapata Aircraft (TV)
- (The) Adventures of Tweeny Witches (TV)
- Afro Samurai (TV)
- Ah! My Goddess: The Movie
- Akira (movie)
- Alien Nine (special)
- All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku (OAV)
- All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku DASH! (OAV)
- All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku TV
- Ane to Boin (OAV)
- Angel Links (TV)
- Animation Runner Kuromi (OAV)
- Animation Runner Kuromi 2 (OAV)
- Appleseed (OAV)
- Appleseed (movie)
- Appleseed (TV)
- Appleseed Ex Machina (movie)
- Aquarian Age - Sign for Evolution (TV)
- Aquarian Age Saga II ~ Don't forget me... ~ (OAV)
- Aquarian Age the Movie (OAV)
- Aquarion (TV)
- Arcadia of My Youth (movie)
- Area 88 (OAV)
- Arjuna (TV)
- Armitage III (OAV)
- Armitage III Polymatrix (movie)
- Armitage: Dual-Matrix (movie)
- Assemble Insert (OAV)
- Azumanga Daioh (TV)
[EDITED BY ME, the Rossman, SINCE THIS WAS ONLY THE As, AND THIS LIST WENT ON FOR OVER 500 MORE TITLES]
Thank you!!!!! I'm waitning for your resonse!!!
First things first, not everybody on the internet lives to serve you, Loki... Except for some of the better live chat/video feed pr0n sites out there. They're the exception to the rule. To give somebody an enormous list like this and expect them to spend hours (if not days) filling it all out is extremely assholic of you. Yes, I like to give my opinion about a great many things, and if you had simply kept the list to a maximum of ten you'd have had a much better chance of a polite response. Douchebag.
Secondly, it appears that you simply went to the Anime News Network and copied down EVERYTHING they have listed in their encyclopedia, not even bothering to check to see if I've already reviewed any of the titles in question (which as a matter of fact I have already reviewed over 20 that I've noticed in a very quick scan). When you don't even do your homework and still expect a treat... No.
Thirdly, you don't even ask if I've seen any of the titles you presented me with, you just assume that I have absolutely NO life and have spent the last 20 years watching every piece of shitty anime that's ever been produced, just waiting for you to ask me about it. True, I really don't have a life, but that's not for your benefit, Loki, it's for mine. I live for sloth. This site is work enough for me in my free time, I don't ever want to work anymore than I already do unless it's for oodles of cash. Oodles.
But just in case you didn't read any of the above and are just skimming this reply for my reviews for you, here goes:
I thought every single one of these shows rocked balls. Buy them all. Take out a loan and purchase every last one of them. You will thank me for it.
(PS, I also like how you indescriminately mixed in hentai series in your list as well as pure kiddy shows. You are one strange monster, Loki. Now go back to whacking it to your own personal Dragon Ball Z/Sailor Moon fanfics)
Yes, I know, these "Nigerian E-mail Schemes" are almost as old as the world wide web is. Yes, I also know that baiting these schemers is a sport that's just about as ancient as the con itself. I have been doing it myself for a few years now (sending replies back to those who try to hit me up for my hard-earned/stolen savings by claiming that if I send them some money to open up some financial international doors, they'll send me millions that they need to hide from their government or their people or their family or the mafia [or somesuch shit]), trying to see just how much I could lead them on for before they gave up on me. Most only last 2-3 letters before they're on to me, seeing as I just can't help but get ridiculous early on (there's no way I can equal the master-baiters who actually entice their would-be cash predators into acting out scenes from Monty Python's Flying Circus and sending them the videos [check out youtube for proof], but doing what I do still gives me fits of giggles, and wastes a little bit of the con people's times I hope).
Anyway, below is one such ping-pong of messages and replies between me and a scammer.
The first plea for help (and my cash stash):
Subject: help me as God help u
From Princess Sarah Johnson
Republic Of Cote D'Ivoire
I come across your profile and have Decided to get in touch with you after the prayer,to see if you can help me solve my problem.My name is Miss Sarah Maria Johnson,The only child (Daughter) of late (chief Adam Johnson)Who lost his life in the course of the crisis here in Cote D'ivoire on the 7th of November last year .
MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE!!!. My father willed in cash, the sum of $8.7 Million US Dollars which he deposited in a Fixed/Suspence account here in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire west africa in with enabling conditions for the release of the fund which are as
(1) That I must be 22 years or above.
(2) That upon request for the release of the fund,
Go to the rest of the Princess Sarah Johnson E-MAIL (and my response)
This is the first time in ages that I actually initiated the pack of e-mails I'm about to present. After writing my review about the ass-tastic Michael Bay Transformers the Movie Script I decided to look online to see what other reviewers thought about it. Sure enough, everybody agreed with me: This script is what gets flushed down the toilet after a botched abortion -- what with the mangled fetus, blood, some parts of the ripped-apart uterus and some sloppy, day-old, breakfast burrito that the ex-mommy-to-be had to shit away while she was on the can... But then I came upon LatinoReview.
Normally, LatinoReview is the pillar of stability within the world of dicksuck, lame, movie news and reviews sites on the web, but El Mayimbe's Transformers Script Review was nothing but a sloppy, but cheerful,"Rusty Trombone" performed upon Bay and his script writers (he actually gave it an "A fucking +"). Whereas I (and all the other reviewers of the treatment) actually gave plenty of specific reasons for why this screenplay was the very worst we'd ever read since Wing Commander (why did I even read that thing all the way through?), El Mayimbe just kept insisting that this was the greatest thing since hookers who took credit cards, and he never gave any evidence to back his claims of its awesomeness the fuck up (not that there is any, just that he didn't even try). And he stated over and over again, in case we doubted him, "I’m a Transformers fan" and "I love Michael Bay's hairy cock and balls!!!111one11"... Okay, he never did WRITE that second quote, but his review definitely reflects that train of thought, what with praising Bad Boys 1 and 2, Armageddon and The Island during his writeup on Transformers. And it drove me to first contact him in order to figure out how some (semi)professional reviewer could possibly write such an amateurish essay... Well, just click here to read what happened.
to the Reader Mail Archive for MORE! Yay!
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