Tea with the Rossman
The Hate Reviews E-Mails

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I find it curious how some people believe that everybody on the planet should think alike and like all the same shit as everybody else. I, of course, am one of those people, and I KNOW that if everybody thought like me this world would be a much nicer and more violent place. Anyway, Maximus here seems to think that everybody should think like him. He's a little pissant, so I disagree, but I think that he should think that he's a little pissant too. You see how this works? Anyway, read on!

Subject: Question To "Rossman"

I am not entertained by your reviews.

-Maximus John-boy Billy

My Initial Response:

...How is that a "Question"?

-the Rossman

 

Luckily for me Maximus came back with an actual well thought out response.

 

Exactly...

HATEEE!But seriously, my question is... Why are you so negative with your reviews? Your reviews are typically so overly critical that it makes people who were just looking for an unbiased review of an anime/movie/etc frightfully uninterested in what they were originally excited to watch. Seeing as your reviews are very popular, most anyone who searches "[insert anime] review" on google will very likely find a link to one of your reviews... and if they click it, the review will most likely be negative and turn them off of the series. Who does that benefit? It's obvious that you write reviews just for the sake of stirring up negative reactions in long-time fans of many series that are popular... why crush the hopes of newer fans before they even have a chance to develop their own opinions?

And before you use an argument like "you don't HAVE to read my reviews", that's not always the case for some people. Fans just want a little background/2nd party opinion on what their watching... and your site's prevalence on google will very quickly obliterate their faith in an anime's quality---even if they would have liked it without your opinion crossing their mind.

 

In other words, "BE MORE LIKE ME! Like what I like!!!....... be my friend? Please?"

 

Me Again

Actually, I have never (nor will I ever) state that "nobody HAS to read my reviews." Everybody has to.

As to negative reviews dominating my site, I call BS. This past year alone my positives outnumber my negatives dramatically. What you probably meant was "Why are you so mean against the shitty shows that I like? *Tear*"

See, it's just that when I waste 6 to 13 hours of my life on a goddamn terrible show I don't want others to have to suffer through the same, or worst yet spend their hard earned money on US distributed crap. Not that I do all this as a public service to the poor masses, but because most other sites suck the dicks of US distributors so much (honestly, the amount of BJs associated with Clannad alone makes me cry) no matter the quality of the work behind it, and seemingly only because "all anime is teh awesome!" I feel that on shows that don't deserve the praise there needs to be at least one voice out there telling the fans that the emperor indeed has no clothes.

And as to why I enjoy mocking terrible shit, it's just fun as hell to point out all the reasons a show sucks much more fun than praising it. And as opposed to other sites who unflatteringly kiss a series' ass (or on the rare occasion criticize it lamely), I always back up my opinions with clear examples. And as for praising shows, I've gotten so much guff for standing up behind tons of shows that pissants who won't even give a try have decreed as lame, pathetic, and not haremy enough. Kurau is probably my biggest example. Nobody really saw that series, yet it's one of my faves. Same for Bokurano. Not trying something new is one thing, but retards attacking my views because they... well, they've never seen that show but it "looks bad" is like a toddler who refuses to try pizza because he's never had it before, or a Joe who refuses a hot whore's offer of a free rim-job because those words scare him.

Of course the opposite is true too. Whatever the opposite is... It's late and I'm tired. My point is I like (good) things, I hate (bad) things, and I give reasons. People should make their own judgement calls and listen to what I say and stop buying crappy anime so they stop making it. If you like crappy anime, well, I don't give a shit... Unless your watching of bad shit gets more bad shit made instead of good shit. Then you should die from falling down a dark hole.

Out of curiosity, which negative reviews in particular do you not agree with? Everyone's allowed his/her own opinion, and I would just like to hear yours on whichever shows bent my dick in a bad direction.

And as for people looking for an "unbiased review," I call BS again. There is no such thing as an unbiased review. And if there were it would be the most boooooring read on the internet. People read reviews to actually (get this!) see other people's opinions about things. How's that for mind-blowing!

-the Rossman

 

Maximus never did reply (with an intelligent response), but I like to think that I really got to know him over the course of these few emails, and so I'mma gonna give it the ol' college try in imagining what his non-curse-filled email may have been.

 

HAAAATEDear Mr. The Rossman,

Your poopyhead reviews are toilet water! LOLz!! Why you not like such awesome tits shows like Clannad and Baccano!!!11!!1 and Dragonaut and Shangri-La? They are so popular, and so I like them because they are so popular. Why do you nots like the popular shows! You should HAVE to like them because other peoples say they are popular! So is the Naruto! LOLS! So popular! I like tentacle sex too! I like to look at my sister and my mother while they bathe! LOLZ! Not TOGETHER, that would be weird!

Eat shit and die for not liking the same over saturated crap that I like (because they are popular)!

Yours forever,

Maximus

 

And because I love role playing (I'm usually the down-on-her-luck whore who needs a little cash and excitement in his life), here's what I would have said to that...

 

Me to Fake Maximus (This is a dramatic enactment):

Ah, this old question: Why don't you like popular stuff? Well, when popular stuff is deserving of praise, my dear, dear Maximus (my address, cell phone number, and pictures of me naked are attached to this email), I praise the hell out of it. Some shows are deserving of their popularity because they actually either break the mold (Gankutsuou), make an old genre seem new again (RahXephon), or take some well-used characters and plotlines but make them shine like never before (Toradora).

On the other hand, some "popular" shows are only popular because they aim for the lowest common denominator, or they just take what's come before and simply add new faces to old stories that have already proved timeless: Naruto, Bleach, Clannad, Pumpkin Scissors, etc. And some popular shows suck ass because they have horrible characters, retarded storylines, and no thought put into any part of their production other than MARKETING: Baccano!!111, Dragonaut, Romeo X Juliet, etc.

Honestly, what you're doing is the same as your ordinary US television-watching schmoe when he complains that a critic with some taste actually watches and BASHES the well-deserving shit out of Two and a Half Men or According to Jim. "Why do you not like Jim!?!?" they spatter all over the reviewer's own online forum. "It is popular! You should watch and love it!" Ummmmmm, no and no. You can't polish a turd, Beavis, but you apparently can match it to the shit the average viewer has for brains.

And once again, Maximus, I give very damn good reasons for why I either like or hate a show or movie. That's probably the one thing that pisses me off about 99% of all other online viewers: most of them will either just say "I loved it! Best anime ever!!!!" or "It was terrible. Terrible show here. Do not watch." I realize that not everybody loves the same shit, which is why when I loathe a show I'll typically point out the reasons why, in case somebody without any taste comes around who LOVES plot twists that suck, or characters that act all wife-beaten all the time who may actually really respond to all my negative points in a given description.

But you know what? Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, and I detest losers who can't tell me why something is good or bad, who just throw hissy fits and piss their pants when others contradict their pathetic choices in life with examples and reasons.

-the Rossman

Actually, Maximus' letter was far from a single entity. I get these kinds of whiney pieces of annoyance several times a month: people bitching that I didn't like what they did, and how that's not fair. Whenever I call them out on what they liked about a show, or what they disliked about something I did, they never respond. This page is basically up here just so I can finally get them all to understand that they are truly retarded.

Amen.

 

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