Issue #31: Socialized/Universal Healthcare

Whatcha doin' there, doc?
Oh, I'm just "facing" some friends.
You can DO that electronically on cell phones now?! Oh man, all this time I've been paying for cheap who--
No, silly Druggle. It's not THAT kind of "facing." It's posting shit on See, here I just called the Princess a whore on her FaceBook page, and my giant monkey just commented that she likes it when he flings his monkey poop at her. Ah-ha ha ha ha!
That. Is. Awesome! Wait, I think I made a FaceBook up for myself a while ago to hit on some 6ers I met in a chat room.
Oh yeah! How'd that turn out?
...Goddamn Chris Hansen.
Fucker gets you every time, doesn't he. Next time ask for a recent picture of them holding up the day's newspaper.
Oh, here we go, just logged in. Okay, let me comment on your post on the Princess' page............ There!
Let me see! Let me see! Ohmygawd! That is so funny! And it's true! It's so true! Here, let me type this............
Bwa ha ha ha ha Vweeeeeeee! You're killin' me, doc!
Hey, why did you post on my FaceBook page that I like "giant black cocks in my mouth and anus at the same time, with delicious balls dangling on my quivering chin"?
I didn't, dillweed. I'm not your Face pal. Hell, I didn't even know you had a page.
I know.... I wrote it.
Holy schmolies, doc! Check this out! I just wrote on Medussa's page that she jams all the snakes in her hair up her cuntie at the same time that she has Pegasus mount her from behind! I even photoshopped this picture in of her doing it all!
Holy Christ! You've GOT to show me how to do that! Seriously, that's not for real? You even got good shadows and stuff where the snakes all enter her--
What the HELL!?!?
Oh crap! Everybody, get ready to scatter!
I can't believe this absolute shit! The gall of the government!
Wait, what government? The Magical Mushroom Kingdom? Aren't you like the tyrannical queen for life of that dump?
Well, ever since the bloody revolution about 6 months ago I've been delegated down to "figurehead with a bank account." They do whatever the hell they want, and then make me pay for it.
Ummmmm, so just say "No." It's really easy. Watch this: Hey, Kid, ask me to return all those hundreds of DVDs of amatuer Asian porn you lent me.
Oh yeah, hey, doc, can you return all that wonderful p--
FUCK YOU NO! See, it's easy, buttercup.
If only it WERE that easy. You see, the mushroom heads who now run the place are holding my twin sister hostage. And now, if I don't pay for their goddamn commie universal healthcare package that they're all demanding they'll cut off her head! It'll look all gross with her tongue sticking out on a pole in front of the palace, just like mommy and daddy and Uncle J--
You have a twin sister?!
Uh, duh! Did you really think I'd have all those sessions of afternoon delight with you just 'cause you asked for them? I just got Princess Penny to stand in for me, then vrrrrooooom! You were off to save the kingdom, change a lightbulb, or unclog the royal comode. She's also got the Downs.
I THOUGHT she tasted slightly retarded. Huh. Well, no complaints. Wait! So if you don't pay for all your Mushroom Land's health insurance they'll cut off her head and stick it out in public with her juicy retard tongue sticking out like it's ready to lick a thousand stamps all at once?
Yeah... Weren't you listening?
God, I hate those little extremist turds... Why, if I had a rubber hose I'd-- *RING RING!*
Hello? Yes, this is she.... You WHAT?!..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! They killed my sister! They said I called them all "jihadist dog fuckers who wouldn't DARE chop off my poor sister's head because they all had their balls surgically removed to be my retainers years ago" on a public forum! I mean, I THOUGHT those things sure, but never SAID them! WHY!!!!!! PENNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Wow, they were apparently rarin' to chop her goofy waterhead off! They didn't even check to see if those words were from you or just posted on your FaceBook page. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have a date with a fresh melon on a pike!
PENNY! Oh God, WHYYYYYYYY!?! Why not take the gay elf instead?!
Would you FaceBook about it if they did? I, uh, erm....
*TYPE, TYPE, TYPE, TYPE, TYPE, TYPE* Oh, this site is awesome! It's like drunk calling your friends in the middle of the day!

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