At first I was jizzed off that the brochure for the park lied.
It said that two new coasters would be open in the Spring!! They
were not. The roller coasters in question basically just had
land cleared away for them with a few pieces of heavy industrial
equipment lying around while the teamsters scratched their sacks
while eating fried puppies and drinking Rueben's Tequila.
I joined them for a while (hell, Rueben's T is better than any
attraction I've ever been on.... well, except for Lisa Burchardt
in the 12th grade), but they threw me out of the construction
zone for riding the crane.
After that Kuni and I kept meeting the same Puerto Ricans
in line for different rides again and again. They thought that
they were so damn cool and awesome for flicking off the 'height
requirement' signs as they passed them at the entrance to all
the dangerous ones. We also ran into a guy named "Andy"
a few times too... Well, he never actually told us his name,
I just gave him that one cause he looked like Andy Dick. He was
pretty messed up and he really wanted to see the Olsen twins
turn 18 so that they could do porn. He said that they had gorgeous
feet too. Kuni pimp slapped him a few times and then we ran purely
out of fear.
I insisted on getting on the oldest steel coaster that Magic
Mountain had next, so we cut in line and got front seats pretty
quickly. Of course that was the time that the cars got stuck
on the second big hill and we had to resort to cannibalism in
order to stay alive. I gutted the dude in the seat in front of
us and was about to start a fire to cook his heart when we were
told by a female ride expert person over a hidden speaker (Kuni
thought it was Athena, goddess of wisdom) that the technical
difficulty would be fixed in less than two minutes. In that time
we were able to steal any identification from the pudgy fellow
passenger that I slaughtered just in case the park officials
took offense to what we did (I think we had an open and shut
case myself, but I ain't no lawyer).
That day we spent 8 glorious hours riding the same 8 roller coasters
over and over and over again until my screwed up amigo threw
up the corndog that I spotted him for. Goddammit! A corndog in
an amusement park in California costs as much as a year of private
schooling in New Hampshire! I wasn't about to sit next to the
rank dude (as he was) on the cab ride back to the hotel, so I
pushed him overboard on the log flume ride and let the bacteria
filled green water rinse him decently clean (well, cleaner than
he ever was). He got wind-blown dried on the flying swings ride
and then we headed back to the main gate to meet our cab.
Kuni and I were attempting to leave the Magic Mountain park gates
we were stopped by the condemned souls of Ank Su Namun and the
Scorpion King, who demanded that "Nobody leaves the premises
without paying the ultimate price of damnation". After explaining
to them that Kuni was in fact the embodiment of the Anti-Christ
they let us go and allowed me to take a picture of them and then
have hot and creamy luvin' with Ank herself... Actually, it happened
just like I said except the Scorpion King and all of his dog
soldiers anally raped Kuni for an hour while I hid in the shrubbery.