Editor's Note: ...... I have no fucking idea where to begin.
First, I find that I must apologize for the past 11 pages of
pure bear smear you just read. I did not know it would be that
bad. I thought that if I waited until the Rossman was done with
the whole piece I would have a much easier time fixing it up
for human consumption. I thought wrong. Eleven pages!!! Holy
shit! I wasn't about to even read through it let alone attempt
to improve it! The Rossman may have way too much free time on
his hands to type his life away, but I actually had a chance
to get laid the night I was supposed to edit this thing together.
Fuck the Rossman!!!
Go to Page 1, 2,
3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10,
Or go to the EXAMINER Homepage
It was the end of my world as
I new it, but I felt fine. I had survived life, death, rebirth
and triple assassinations all in less than a week. I was bushed
and wacked. I finally made it safely home only to find that my
Robot Pal, Robot Pedro, had tried to hook up his ray gun to my
DVD player and the microwave in order to make a human-killing
machine that could strip the skin off of all male humans in the
world (except for Fabio... It turns out that he's impervious
to all forms of physical attacks due to his shiny pectorals and
flowing blonde gay hair) in around 2 years. Robot Pedro started
the machine up 1 year, 11 months and 28 days before though, so
it turned out that I got home just in time (good thing I didn't
stop off at that brothel outside of Vegas for the third time
on the way back to Athens or my week would have truly sucked).
I had to teach the penis scrubber a lesson so I detached his
head, made him wear an 80s band hat, only let him drink a pale
ale for his alcoholic consumption and replayed the first episode
of Survivor 2 over and over and over again for a month.
He swears that he'll never try to strip my skin off again. I
just wish I could believe him.
was a long strange journey into the land of swimming with sharks
and mental movie writers, but it was worth it. I think. I ended
up selling my soul to some movie producers so that I could star
in some feminine hygiene commercials, but it turns out that they'll
only be aired in Japan. I did get a lifetime supply of "Vagina
Sticks" though. I made Robot Pedro eat them after he chewed
up my Van Halen hat. That boy just needs an attitude adjustment.