Now to get into who I am. I'm not very complicated
really. I like cool things (ex. video games, British sitcoms,
anime, the UGA Bulldogs, the Iron Chef, the original unfarged
Star Wars, midgets, Gary Coleman, and Nicole Kidman).
There are even some uncool things that I like (ex. drawing weird
cartoons, surfing the net for weird cartoons, slurpees [wait,
those are pretty cool I guess], kids [which can be cool
if you teach them how to use profanity], Alvin and the Chipmunks
and Apple computers).
I like to make myself sound as melodramatic
as possible all the time, but I pretend that I'm actually underserious
and have no real opinions too. I like to read comic books in
bookstores, but I always hide them behind open books of early
American poetry and stuff. I love making web pages but I hate
when people read them. I hate people, but I love gatherings.
I believe that early Speilberg movies are already the greatest
achievement mankind can ever hope to accomplish. We can stop
making movies and stuff. That artform has already been perfected.
I love watching armless midgets dressed
up as Aztec warriors chasing after conquistadors through jungles
and swamps in bad Mexican TV movies. I love badly dubbed Godzilla
movies and the A-Team. I believe that Yoshitaka
Amano is the world's greatest living artist.
If I had a million dollars I would by you
a fur coat, but not a real fur coat that's cruel. I think that
"Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most talented musicians
on the face of the planet! If he and Sarah Brightman were to
have a child it would align the planets and bring peace to the
universe with its songs (just like Bill and Ted). If I could
clone myself I would, just so that I could say "We"
and "Us" instead of just "I" or "Me"
all the time. I would eat nothing but Little Debbie Oatmeal cakes
for breakfast everyday if I could... and I can and I do.
I believe that even though Jesus may love
you the rest of us think you're an asshole. I really hate when
people over use an annoying word and think that they're funny
or cool for doing it (the word "kudos" comes to mind).
I like to make friends with anybody who'll listen to me tell
the "Chi-Chi" joke when drunk (and if they sit through
it when I choose to act the whole damn thing out with full body
language then I will canonize them a saint in the Church of
the Rossman on the spot). I like to watch my robot beat up
stupid people with pieces of a car. I like people who know what
they want and know how to drive on the highway. I think that
tall redhead chicks are the hottest thing on the planet. If I
could find a hot 6'1" Scottish redhead named Celeste I'd
propose to her before she could say "Aye, laddie".
I firmly believe that the original Zelda
and Metroid are
the epitome of fine console gaming.
I think that Samantha from Bewitched
is a better catch than Jeanie. I believe that the greatest movies
ever made are Raiders of the Lost Ark, Billy Madison, the
Transformers the Movie and To Live with Gong Li. I
think that other than the Cartoon Network and Farscape
on the Sci-Fi channel American TV sucks ass. I know that my family
is really fuckin' cool and that my dad could kick the crap out
of your dad.
Did you get all that, assfuck?
my dad with his weight lifting trophy he won at some bench press
competition last year. Yeah, he may be old and all, but he could
still beat up people like he was 23.
If you want to read more of this crap,
TO BE CONTINUED >