on the Lam (page 3)
were all pretty tired after that (all that swinging the iron
rod and smashing people and windshields really took it out of
me personally), so we all decided to get a little plastered and
de-hungryized. I voted for Dan Marino's place 'cause, hey, he
was in Ace Ventura - Pet Detective. A way underrated flick.
So we got on the list for a table and relaxed at the bar for
a bit, while I answered every question that was aimed at me from
Team Greenwood. Things like, "Why are you doing this to
us?" and "I think I'm bleeding internally, why won't
you let me go to the hospital?" After about twenty minutes
I was glad that the alcohol was beginning to dull my hearing.
Not because of my friends' prodding and pressing (and sometimes
rude) inquiries about personal hygeine, but mostly because the
pop muzak they had pumping through the speakers was pretty heinous.
Right now I can't even recall one of the songs that they had
playing, but I can still feel the hurting they caused in my brain.
After a while we were seated in a nice booth and I made sure
that I had a nice view of the manager in the red dress who kept
walking right past us while letting me cop a feel whenever the
mood hit me. Though maybe "letting" might be too liberal
a term. She never did press charges, so I took that as a sign
of pure love.
Dinner was spooktacular and dessert was even yummier! The
ale that they had on tap wasn't bad either. I can't remember
the name of it though, and every time I almost had it on the
tip of my tongue during the trip, Stephanopolis kept blurting
out obscenities like Pee Wee Herman when that cop snuck up on
him in that famous theater. I don't know if she had terrets or
she was just trying to keep me from ever ordering that brew ever
again. For all I know she may have found out that the beer was
contaminated with some kind of mind controlling drug just like
in Strange Brew! Now, if Ace Ventura and Bob and Doug
MacKenzie ever made a movie together it might just become the
most über-licious and quantabulous cinema event that the
world has/will ever witness(ed)!!! Just something to think about.
At first I was worried
when Rogue approached me and began questioning me and my loyalty
to the Doomed one himself, but soon I found that her lovely talents
of persuasion were quite delectable.
I was immediately
lost in her Southern belle accent and her swirling mass of white
skunk-striped hair. But what really turned my goat was her mutie
powers. When she touched me I felt all weak-kneed and buttery.
Just like when I accidentally slam my penis in the bathroom door,
but in a good way.
I was putty in
her hands, but I made the mistake of holding on to her rump for
too long and soon I found my essence trapped inside her body
like an ant in a farm!... An ant farm, moron.
Try as she might
to evict me from her physical substance, I fought to stay mainly
because I could not pass up the opportunity to go exploring 'round
the Cape of Good Hope, if you know what I mean.
The first thing
that I learned from that educational experience, is that female
sensations are much more delicate than males'. Although that
might just be because most of my real body is filled with scars
and dead nerves due to imitating every stunt I ever saw on Jackass
in order to impress Kuni's sister (who despite her quiet and
giggly demeanor loves to see masochism in action). Anyway, before
I got to re-enact that scene from When Harry Met Sally
on Rogue's body, the mystified Dr. Strange wandered by and sensing
a mystical anomaly, removed my being from Skunky's. Getting kicked
out so soon may have sucked, but a good side effect to the whole
situation was the fact that I had a nice set of titties on my
Rossmanly chest for at least a half an hour afterwards. Sorry,
no pictures of that though. I was too busy for picture taking
for those 30 minutes. VERY too busy.