Soon the entire Allied Otaku army was bearing down upon the AX HQ, but as the following battle proved they were still nowhere near a match for them.
-"We got outside and found that there was already a large 'blob' of people who just hunkered down in the general area around the doors to the Convention Center waiting to either get tickets or get into the building for a seat."
-"Ne-ow! This was unbelievable! It was only 3:30 and the CosPlay didn't start until 7:00... That is if it stayed on schedule... Which I was betting it would not-tcha."
-"You definitely would have won that bet, kitty. We merged with the mass of early arrivers and hoped that they would just start handing out tickets to the CosPlay soon so that we could leave, get some food and get back in time for some good seats (we were informed that the tickets to be given out would only promise us a seat in the main theater. Once we got in it was to be a free for all). But of course that would actually be considerate and thoughtful on the con-volunteers' part. So that was not to be."
As we waited for something to happen we saw Hikaru Ichijyo mac on Miaka. Well, it wasn't exactly what we were waiting for, but it was something.
-"Then some con gophers came out and meekly informed us that how we were gathering was not a proper 'line procedure'. Neow. The guy in front of us grumbled and and told us that when people first started to arrive at three, the same AXs guy said that they should just get as close to the doors as possible.... Then they were told to move back a bit but were allowed to stay in the blob that was beginning to form. That sounded dumb just hearing it from this guy!"
-"I just wish they looked at what last year's line was like and said to themselves, 'Hey, ya know what? I bet people will start to line up early for the Masquerade this year too. Let's try to actually prepare for it a bit and get them in a nice and orderly line as soon as they start to arrive so that everything will run smooth. And hey! If we give out tickets starting at say, um, 4 o'clock we can then let the people enjoy the rest of the con until the actual seating begins.' This early waiting was one of the most predictable parts of the entire con! Please get on the ball, security people."
-"Then, it happened. Neow. At around 4:00 some guy came out and told us to move away from the doors and across the little street in front of the complex. Then he told the huge blob of con-goers that we would be allowed to get our tickets at that point (ja, right!) if we slowly, calmly and orderly walked up to the doors and got into a nice and orderly line....again. To put this in perspective there were probably around 400 people in a large circle eager to get a ticket who had been waiting impatiently in the hot California sun who were just informed that the 'first come first served' would begin in a new line that would soon form rendering the time wasted away from the con by these already impatient con-ners in their previous attempt at a 'line' for the past hour pointless.... Then the man said, 'Alright, nice and easy. Anybody caught running will not get a ticket." Neow. Guess what happened?"
the funniest thing I had seen and participated in in a looong
time ^_^. Ha ha ha ha! Catsy and I 'ran with the bulls' to try
and cut in front of the masses and get to the front doors as
soon as and as rapido as possible. The problem was that we were
never told which door to line up behind! As everybody
packed in as close as they possibly could (and then some) and
did their best impression of the the mob scenes in Akira,
Catsy and I started yelling 'Mooooo! Mooooo!' It felt like we
were cattle being wrangled for the slaughter house. Little did
when we were rudely shoved backwards along the sidewalk back
to how the line up was originally for the opening ceremonies.
Neow. Why they didn't just set it up this way from the beginning
was totally beyond my teensy weensy brain-tcha.
They were pleasant company and (get this) they actually bathed! I can't believe we actually got so lucky!.
-"They were cool. We talked all about AXs of years gone by, anime ethics (fansubbers, SMs, etc.) and other CosPlays from different cons. When asked why we weren't participating with our neat-oh costumes I had to tell them about Catsy's stagefright and how when she's up on stage in front of a lot of people she starts to hallucinate and like Billy Madison she begins to see penguins that aren't really there. It's a sad spectacle as she falls to her knees and begins to ball like Noriko when Jung tried to drag her into space for their fight. What a wussy."
-"And then I told them about how Oni-chan loses all control of her bowels and bladder when she gets up on a stage of any kind whether there are any people watching her or not-tcha."
-"I told you before, cat! That's
a personal thing between me and my doctor!
A little after the tickets were passed out Oni-chan and I saw
somebody that we knew only from legend! The Great Scotty Frazier!
I named him 'Mel'.
-"By the time
we finalized our plan (i.e. who would lay down behind him while
the other pushed him over) we saw that he had already ducked
inside the auditorium, but we weren't fazed in the least. Without
any doubt in our abilities we gave our tickets to some lady who's
two daughters weren't in line when they were originally passed
out, bid farewell to our line buddies and ventured forth to attempt
to infiltrate the CosPlay crowd.
-"It worked-tcha!... Well, after Oni-chan kneed the guy in some obscene Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan move. We quickly and quietly merged with all the CosPlayers as we snuck up behind 'Mel' and got into a pouncing position (I changed the plan at the last minute thinking that the direct approach was the best). When he turned around and found two rabid looking critters ready to attack, his face lost all color and he asked us if we just needed to know our order number for the Masquerade. We just smiled (with a lot of teeth-tcha) and said as nicely as we could something along the lines of 'We get front row, you live; No front, death.' It just came to me^_^"
-"Well I misunderstood what the kitty meant (her plan wasn't all that laid out) and as soon as she offered Scotty his options I jumped with my claws slicing through the air like a Cuisinart o' Death!... It was then, just before I connected with the American King of All That Is Anime that disaster struck!-"
"Oh My GOD, You Killed Kenji!!!!!-tcha"
bastard! Oh no! All he was trying to do was stop us from committing
a senseless murder that we surely would have regretted... Poor
-"Scotty agreed ^_^! That was so cool of Murasame! I (once again) apologized for killing him. He told me not to worry about it as we sat down and watched all the cosplayers in the theater line up and receive their order numbers. There were tons of them! Murasame told us that in all there were about a hundred seperate costumes and around sixty skits. He said that they even had to stop accepting applicants because too many people were in it already!! Whoa. That's a lotta CosPlay. I wondered just how long the whole thing would take."
That line of CosPlayers in the upper left stretched the whole length of the theater and around the back too! And they were oh so colorful^_^
-"Neow. We waited and waited and waited some more three rows back from the stage with Kenji keeping a close eye on us. Soon all the CosPlayers marched backstage (I don't think any of them saw daylight the entire 4th!). Then finally, at around 7:45 they began to let people into the seats. Very slowly. That was about two hours later than they said they'd get in! Damn!!
"If anybody is still looking for a seat this nice gentleman dressed as Sailor Uranus says that you're free to sit on his lap..... He'll even wiggle around a lot if you want."
At eight o'clock almost everybody was seated and they were already getting restless (although I can see why as everybody who made it into the main theater had been waiting since at least 4 in the afternoon! Everybody who got there after that had to sit in one of the cable fed rooms on the other side of the Convention Center). Soon old videos from last year started to play again on the big screens. Neow. The highlight was definitely when the Street Fighter one set to YMCA came on and the entire crowd started to clap along and do the dance in the seats-tcha ^_^."
It's not readable, but later I was told that the sign held up in the back read "Eva 3:16"
-"Finally, the emcee emerged from the curtains and the music vids were cut off to the collective moan of the whole crowd. He told us 'Tough!^_-'
"Welcome, welcome, welcome! Come one, come all into the freakish house of fanboys and fangirls! See the amazingly overweight Minmay and try to guess her incredible body mass! Fear the Crayon Shin-chan look-a-like and cower before his elephant! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"
He then introduced the men behind the AX Magazine (no relation) contest and the winners who were awarded free trips to Anime Expo 98. They just stood up and bowed."
"Hey, mina-san! We won these seats in the front row while you peons have to sit waaaaay the **** back there! Enjoy the show.... if you can even see the stage! Ha ha ha ha!"
And then it all began. The emcee introduced the first player,
but he was shy. Finally, after some prodding apparently, Allenn
Schezar walked up on stage. I don't think he did much but walk
right off again.
-"I couldn't agree with you more, kitty. After Allen came a chibi Eternal Sailor Moon. Awwwwwwe. She was cute.
"On behalf of the Moon I shall right wrongs and triumph over otaku! And that means all of you- So prepare to DIE!!!!!!"
Then came a freakishly funny piece called 'Men on Anime'. Oh man! I was in stitches! Our two reviewers first gave us their thoughts on Sailor Moon.... 'Hated it.' But a cross-dressing Pluto may have changed their minds as he/she/it sashayed across the stage in front of their loving stares. Then they continued with their thoughts on 'Dragon Ballz' which they loved, especially after Trunks dropped something right in front of them and had to bend over to pick it up. I think they gave him 'Two snaps up!' Ha ha ha ha!"
"Mmmmmm! I gotta get me some of that!"
The emcee made a comment that I had to agree with. It had something
to do with male moonies and Dr. Kevorkian.
-"Hey! I like
Asuka more (better too much personality than none at all)! That
was mean (and apparently techno fanboys need to start making
some pages for girls who really deserve them!).
Murasame told me to write, "Whooooooaaaaa mamma!!!!!!!" here. Baka.
Mai then quickly stepped off stage. She was followed by a magical girl was was not from Sailor Moon, but from a Sailor Moon wannabee show. Wedding Peach."
"I am Wedding Peach and on behalf of my florist, I shall right wrongs and triumph over evil!"
thought she was cute! After a little 'Wedding Speach' she threw
her bouquet into the crowd, but I think one of the men on Anime
actually caught it.
-"After sword-boy came larva (blinking eye and all), but he had a bit of trouble off stage and he had no skit (and most importantly he had no Miyu!). The next player was a royally pissed off Sailor Saturn. She did me proud ^o^ It turns out Saturn is tired of the rest of the senshi playing jokes on her and asking her if she feels all right because 'she looks like DEATH!'
Lesson learned. Do not **** with Saturn.
It was funny! She was followed by the Golden Boy himself, Kintaro. Um, all he did was walk his bike on stage and hug a toilet seat lid."
-"After that failed attempt at a cheap laugh came 'Waiting for Gendo!' It looked like Gendo Ikari had called an important meeting with Kaji, but then Gendo, well acted like Gendo-tcha.
"Yo, big guy, you okay in there?"
tried his best to get Gendo to move or at least blink, but in
the end he just slipped out the curtains without the big G even
knowing. Kaji's the man!
"Chicks for sale! Chicks for sale! Get them while they're hot! Chicks for sale!"
-"Then it was time for a Summer Fashion Show in order to show off the newest and smoothest looking power suits on the market today. Priss was the model and her outfit was just to die for! I wanted to know how much it is, but as they say, 'If you have to ask you can't afford it.' So I just let it drop.
Kick start my heart, hope it never stops!
Then a video game come to life popped up on stage. Andy Bogard was in deep as the King of Fighters 98 tournament neared the finals, but he wasn't sure that he could really defeat his opponent. So he thought for a moment about what Terry would do. He then thought of his answer, he turned to his challenger and said, 'I love you man,' and raised his arms for a hug. And just like anybody Terry's ever loved, the opponent dropped dead in a second. Cute."
-"Neow. Then Grandis got up on stage and started singing an opera piece. I thought she was good, but it made no sense to me-tcha."
"Io sono prigioniera, kon'ya anata wa
watashi wo yasashiku tsutsunde-kureta..."
are you, kitty?!?! How many times do I have to tell you that
that was Eva Freidel from Magnetic Rose! Not Grandis
Granva! Sheesh! Anyway, she got a lot of well deserved applause
Oni-chan, that's not very nice! She was just a little girl who
didn't understand and who simply had no way of knowing just how
overplayed and annoying the whole Sailor Moon thang has
gotten at these kind of cons! Leave her alone!
This was the best Carrot Impression I've ever seen outside of a cell drawing! You should have seen the way he even 'swam' across the stage^_^ Priceless!
-"Get off it,
cat. Carrot's a wimp, but I do agree that the skit was funny.
He didn't even want any money in return! He was like Nic Cage
in that movie about Angels that Oni-chan saw filmed here last
year^_^ He gave us 3 new roles of film apparently just to see
the sharp-toothed smiles on our lil' faces. What a sweetie!
-"Uh, I guess. Why?"
-"Well, I just don't think it's fair that he gets to go to every single con in the world and make pages about them all the time while we're always stuck in Georgia counting peaches! I guess my question is how the hell he's able to do that! I want that job too, dammit! Waaaaaaaah! I wanna go to all the cons! Waaaaaaaaaah!"
-"I'm reaching for the iron bar now, Catsy.... Do you promise you'll shut your stinking trap and get on with the CosPlay?.......... Is that a yes?"
anyway, after we loaded the new film (arrigatou again, Kevin-chan)
we got ready for the next contestant to come on down. The
Violinist of Hamelin and Friends put on a little skit.
They were cool costumes... If only I could remember what the skit was about.
-"Then Miyuki and Natsumi from the Tokyo Police Force came out. Half the men in the audience yelled out, 'Arrest me!' to them, but they didn't. Dang it!
"But seriously folks, it's great to be here and we're sorry that we had to tow half of your cars away before the show. But hey, drinks are on us, okay? You've been a great crowd. We love you!"
Anywho, after the police chicks Deed- Pirotess got up on the stage. She was sure cranky about something."
"Do you see this hair? Do you see my skin? What about this outfit, huh? You get the picture? I'm PIROTESS! Get it?!?!"
-"Neow! I loved her go-go boots! I asked her where she got them but she refused to tell me. I said, 'Hey, Deedlit. Dondé did you get those ass kicking boots?' but she just snarled at me and cast some weird spell with lighting and stuff and threw it at me. It was kinda rude, but I guess she was still upset about her friend 'Gimp' dying and stuff."
-"Yeah, that uh, must've been it. Then Fuu and Hikaru started to toss the marshmellowy Mokona-ball around (I actually wanted to see them use him as a soccer ball or something!) when Tasuki showed up and wackiness ensued... or something."
"Hey! Did you just flash me?!?!?... Would you mind doing it again?... You know, if you ask politely I can get you into a nice little doujinshi with me. Huh? How 'bout it big boy?"
-"I think that 'Recka Shien' guy was like supposed to be Hikaru's brother... but I don't remember that in the manga-tcha. Oh well. Then came an uninspired Tenchi Masaki who said that he was the heir to the Jurai throne yada yada and so on and so forth. *Sigh* I think this was the slack time in the competition, wouldn't you agree, Oni-chan?"
-"Zzzzzzzzzzz-*Whazzat?!!?* Huh? Nani? *YAWN!* Um, then uh, yeah, it got to be a little tedious for a few players. After the 'NO NEED FOR' Tenchi came a Ranma Saotome (he/she said that he/she was the best there ever was or something), a Shampoo (at least it wasn't a cross dresser) and a Suzaku no Miko was supposed to appear but apparently the third wish did destroy her (thank GOD!) 'cause she was a no show. I think it was at that time that Murasame's head hit my shoulder as he passed out. He may be Immortal but he's got the attention span of Captain Tylor in the middle of a heated space battle."
-"You're one to talk. Besides, you didn't have to rip his head off and hand it to him. You could have easily just pushed him away!"
-"There's more than one way to skin a cat."
"................. Meanie! Neow. After those contestants came and went two Sailor Senshi hopped up on stage. They were on their way to save the world from the evil that was Queen Metallia and her nefarious nega-henchmen, but they had a quick lay-over in LA so they thought they'd check out the Expo for a bit.
-"I sense great evil here."
-"Is it Berryl?"
-"No! It seems to be coming from that cat and little demon! Eeeeeviiiiiiiil!!!!!"
Then came a skit called 'Street Fighter no Video Vs Fushigi Yuugi' which was just as it sounded. After that came another Allen Schezar (who looked like he was wearing a girdle-tcha)."
"Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!"
-"I think it really was one, Catsy. Whoa! Anyway, the Magic Users Club came out and did their little Mahou Tsukai Tai deal. Cool costumes!
Ayanojou was just a little too right on the money.
That dude still makes me wonder. Anywho, then King Van and his Royal Minstrell came and played a little ditty for us while Van showed us his jewels- I mean his pendulum thingy- I mean, uh, oh just look at the picture!"
"Swing low, swing high, sweet Hitomi's jewel. Comin' forth to carry her home!"
'And afterwards they ate the minstrell and there was much rejoicing,'
the emcee said to which the audience responded 'Yaaaaaaaaaay
^_^'. Then Ranma and Co. came out and Genma and Ranma fought
because Genma wanted his son to marry Shampoo now but Ran-chan
sure as hell didn't want to. But then Genma pulled out his secret
weapon, a Cabbit! And Ranma was chased off stage by Shampoo and
the rest-tcha. Please people, less Ranma and Fushigi
Yuugi (even I'm getting tired of them). Oy vey!
-"BloodBerry, quick! Here comes the Colonel! Ja vol!"
After they were finished the three Goddesses magically appeared and started singing their opening song in turn :) They rocked the casbah to the ground!"
-"They were cool! And Murasame wouldn't shut up about how 'hot' Skuld was (Ecchi man! She's just a kid!). Anyway, they got a lot of applause and their costumes rocked (We've got pictures of them on other pages, baka! This page is just too big already and we're even gunna have to go to a 'Part II' right now anyway)."
-"Neow. Seeya on page 4.2 ^_^"