Part the Fourth: Why Throw Your Life Away So Recklessly, Prime?

Part the Fourth

7/04/1998 The Mysterious CosPlay
(As told by Oni-chan and Catsy)

The final push was ordered, and the soldiers ran into the barbed wire like good little lemmings.
Soon the entire Allied Otaku army was bearing down upon the AX HQ, but as the following battle proved they were still nowhere near a match for them.

-"We got outside and found that there was already a large 'blob' of people who just hunkered down in the general area around the doors to the Convention Center waiting to either get tickets or get into the building for a seat."

-"Ne-ow! This was unbelievable! It was only 3:30 and the CosPlay didn't start until 7:00... That is if it stayed on schedule... Which I was betting it would not-tcha."

-"You definitely would have won that bet, kitty. We merged with the mass of early arrivers and hoped that they would just start handing out tickets to the CosPlay soon so that we could leave, get some food and get back in time for some good seats (we were informed that the tickets to be given out would only promise us a seat in the main theater. Once we got in it was to be a free for all). But of course that would actually be considerate and thoughtful on the con-volunteers' part. So that was not to be."

Hey baby, wanna fly the friendly sky?
As we waited for something to happen we saw Hikaru Ichijyo mac on Miaka. Well, it wasn't exactly what we were waiting for, but it was something.

-"Then some con gophers came out and meekly informed us that how we were gathering was not a proper 'line procedure'. Neow. The guy in front of us grumbled and and told us that when people first started to arrive at three, the same AXs guy said that they should just get as close to the doors as possible.... Then they were told to move back a bit but were allowed to stay in the blob that was beginning to form. That sounded dumb just hearing it from this guy!"

-"I just wish they looked at what last year's line was like and said to themselves, 'Hey, ya know what? I bet people will start to line up early for the Masquerade this year too. Let's try to actually prepare for it a bit and get them in a nice and orderly line as soon as they start to arrive so that everything will run smooth. And hey! If we give out tickets starting at say, um, 4 o'clock we can then let the people enjoy the rest of the con until the actual seating begins.' This early waiting was one of the most predictable parts of the entire con! Please get on the ball, security people."

-"Then, it happened. Neow. At around 4:00 some guy came out and told us to move away from the doors and across the little street in front of the complex. Then he told the huge blob of con-goers that we would be allowed to get our tickets at that point (ja, right!) if we slowly, calmly and orderly walked up to the doors and got into a nice and orderly line....again. To put this in perspective there were probably around 400 people in a large circle eager to get a ticket who had been waiting impatiently in the hot California sun who were just informed that the 'first come first served' would begin in a new line that would soon form rendering the time wasted away from the con by these already impatient con-ners in their previous attempt at a 'line' for the past hour pointless.... Then the man said, 'Alright, nice and easy. Anybody caught running will not get a ticket." Neow. Guess what happened?"

Good guess.

-"This was the funniest thing I had seen and participated in in a looong time ^_^. Ha ha ha ha! Catsy and I 'ran with the bulls' to try and cut in front of the masses and get to the front doors as soon as and as rapido as possible. The problem was that we were never told which door to line up behind! As everybody packed in as close as they possibly could (and then some) and did their best impression of the the mob scenes in Akira, Catsy and I started yelling 'Mooooo! Mooooo!' It felt like we were cattle being wrangled for the slaughter house. Little did we know....
  I think it was at that time that the guy who ordered the mass move in the first place covered his face with his hands and wept. After he dried his eyes he then ordered us to push back so that we could 'try again to form an orderly and neat line' or we wouldn't get our tickets."

-"That's when we were rudely shoved backwards along the sidewalk back to how the line up was originally for the opening ceremonies. Neow. Why they didn't just set it up this way from the beginning was totally beyond my teensy weensy brain-tcha.
  As we were pushed back into a semi-line (while the people who initially amassed at the door first stayed in chaos) Oni-chan and I met some of the people with whom we would spend an ungodly amount of our con-time with that day. They were nice and they had a good sense of humor (which really helped to get us past this major down time we were facing [i.e. at least three hours, but probably more])."

No Hawwaiian girl and no talk about kawaii stuff, but it was okay.
They were pleasant company and (get this) they actually bathed! I can't believe we actually got so lucky!.

-"They were cool. We talked all about AXs of years gone by, anime ethics (fansubbers, SMs, etc.) and other CosPlays from different cons. When asked why we weren't participating with our neat-oh costumes I had to tell them about Catsy's stagefright and how when she's up on stage in front of a lot of people she starts to hallucinate and like Billy Madison she begins to see penguins that aren't really there. It's a sad spectacle as she falls to her knees and begins to ball like Noriko when Jung tried to drag her into space for their fight. What a wussy."

-"And then I told them about how Oni-chan loses all control of her bowels and bladder when she gets up on a stage of any kind whether there are any people watching her or not-tcha."

-"I told you before, cat! That's a personal thing between me and my doctor!
  Anywhere, we finally began moving at around 4:50 and as soon as we got inside we were ordered down the hallway to our right and we sat down against the wall. We then stayed in this new and improved line for another hour (when they finally gave out tickets [at that time, with only a few minutes before the Masquerade was supposed to begin, it seemed like such a waste]). We didn't even go out to get some food because we were told that if somebody got out of line and wasn't there when tickets were handed out they would not be able to get in. The AX Powers were pushing us to the breaking point, that's for sure."

-"Neow. A little after the tickets were passed out Oni-chan and I saw somebody that we knew only from legend! The Great Scotty Frazier! I named him 'Mel'.
  He was talking to some guy in charge of the line so we knew he must have connections! We quickly looked through our guidebooks and found out that the cuddly man was going to be a judge! Yes!! This was going to be a piece of cake-tcha.
  We thought that we'd easily be able to sweet talk the big lug into letting us sit up front with him and his posse for some great shots of the CosPlay... and if that didn't work I thought that eating his spleen might change his mind."

-"By the time we finalized our plan (i.e. who would lay down behind him while the other pushed him over) we saw that he had already ducked inside the auditorium, but we weren't fazed in the least. Without any doubt in our abilities we gave our tickets to some lady who's two daughters weren't in line when they were originally passed out, bid farewell to our line buddies and ventured forth to attempt to infiltrate the CosPlay crowd.
  When we got to the door (still dressed in our Sailor O and Ginrei get-ups) we just pretended that we left the CosPlay practice to go to the bathroom and that we had to get back inside!"

-"It worked-tcha!... Well, after Oni-chan kneed the guy in some obscene Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan move. We quickly and quietly merged with all the CosPlayers as we snuck up behind 'Mel' and got into a pouncing position (I changed the plan at the last minute thinking that the direct approach was the best). When he turned around and found two rabid looking critters ready to attack, his face lost all color and he asked us if we just needed to know our order number for the Masquerade. We just smiled (with a lot of teeth-tcha) and said as nicely as we could something along the lines of 'We get front row, you live; No front, death.' It just came to me^_^"

-"Well I misunderstood what the kitty meant (her plan wasn't all that laid out) and as soon as she offered Scotty his options I jumped with my claws slicing through the air like a Cuisinart o' Death!... It was then, just before I connected with the American King of All That Is Anime that disaster struck!-"

Well, I guess he's just an Immortal kinda guy.
"Oh My GOD, You Killed Kenji!!!!!-tcha"

-"You bastard! Oh no! All he was trying to do was stop us from committing a senseless murder that we surely would have regretted... Poor Ken-chan.
  Scotty was in shock as the bloody and shredded piece of meat that saved his life resurrected itself and scolded us for being so careless. 'Pinky' also said that he prefered getting burnt to a cinder by the Eye of Vogler's power core than feel our claws again. After Scotty regained himself he invited Ken-chan to sit in the front with the VIPs if he wanted to in exchange for his sheilding him from us and thus saving his life. But smooth ole Kenji put his hand up in a 'stop sign' maneuver and told Frazier-san that Oni-chan and I must be able to sit with him. He promised that he'd keep us under control."

-"Scotty agreed ^_^! That was so cool of Murasame! I (once again) apologized for killing him. He told me not to worry about it as we sat down and watched all the cosplayers in the theater line up and receive their order numbers. There were tons of them! Murasame told us that in all there were about a hundred seperate costumes and around sixty skits. He said that they even had to stop accepting applicants because too many people were in it already!! Whoa. That's a lotta CosPlay. I wondered just how long the whole thing would take."

Hey, what's Pooh doing here?  I think he took a wrong turn.
That line of CosPlayers in the upper left stretched the whole length of the theater and around the back too! And they were oh so colorful^_^

-"Neow. We waited and waited and waited some more three rows back from the stage with Kenji keeping a close eye on us. Soon all the CosPlayers marched backstage (I don't think any of them saw daylight the entire 4th!). Then finally, at around 7:45 they began to let people into the seats. Very slowly. That was about two hours later than they said they'd get in! Damn!!

Now that's a LOT of otaku!
"If anybody is still looking for a seat this nice gentleman dressed as Sailor Uranus says that you're free to sit on his lap..... He'll even wiggle around a lot if you want."

  At eight o'clock almost everybody was seated and they were already getting restless (although I can see why as everybody who made it into the main theater had been waiting since at least 4 in the afternoon! Everybody who got there after that had to sit in one of the cable fed rooms on the other side of the Convention Center). Soon old videos from last year started to play again on the big screens. Neow. The highlight was definitely when the Street Fighter one set to YMCA came on and the entire crowd started to clap along and do the dance in the seats-tcha ^_^."

Right now I'd rather be at the Y-M-C-A!
It's not readable, but later I was told that the sign held up in the back read "Eva 3:16"

-"Finally, the emcee emerged from the curtains and the music vids were cut off to the collective moan of the whole crowd. He told us 'Tough!^_-'

Hubba hubba hubba, who do you trust?!?!
"Welcome, welcome, welcome! Come one, come all into the freakish house of fanboys and fangirls! See the amazingly overweight Minmay and try to guess her incredible body mass! Fear the Crayon Shin-chan look-a-like and cower before his elephant! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

  He then introduced the men behind the AX Magazine (no relation) contest and the winners who were awarded free trips to Anime Expo 98. They just stood up and bowed."

Mosh Pit!!!!!
"Hey, mina-san! We won these seats in the front row while you peons have to sit waaaaay the **** back there! Enjoy the show.... if you can even see the stage! Ha ha ha ha!"

-"Neow. And then it all began. The emcee introduced the first player, but he was shy. Finally, after some prodding apparently, Allenn Schezar walked up on stage. I don't think he did much but walk right off again.
  I really hate it when these cosplayers think that the whole contest is just in their costume (No matter what the rule books say, this will never be the case)! If you actually have the balls to get up on stage in front of thousands of people to begin with puh-leez do something funny-tcha!"

-"I couldn't agree with you more, kitty. After Allen came a chibi Eternal Sailor Moon. Awwwwwwe. She was cute.

Sailor Moon needs her fill of blood tonight!
"On behalf of the Moon I shall right wrongs and triumph over otaku! And that means all of you- So prepare to DIE!!!!!!"

 Then came a freakishly funny piece called 'Men on Anime'. Oh man! I was in stitches! Our two reviewers first gave us their thoughts on Sailor Moon.... 'Hated it.' But a cross-dressing Pluto may have changed their minds as he/she/it sashayed across the stage in front of their loving stares. Then they continued with their thoughts on 'Dragon Ballz' which they loved, especially after Trunks dropped something right in front of them and had to bend over to pick it up. I think they gave him 'Two snaps up!' Ha ha ha ha!"

"Loved it!"
"Mmmmmm! I gotta get me some of that!"

-"Neow. The emcee made a comment that I had to agree with. It had something to do with male moonies and Dr. Kevorkian.
  After the 'Men' came Rei and Asuka. Asuka wanted to have a dance contest to see who was better but Rei refused. She pointed out that she was more popular than Asuka (she had more web pages^_^) and had nothing to prove. The people had already spoken-tcha."

-"Hey! I like Asuka more (better too much personality than none at all)! That was mean (and apparently techno fanboys need to start making some pages for girls who really deserve them!).
  Next, Mai stepped out. I really had no opinion one way or another, but Murasame was howling like a wolf and whistling through his fingers for her. Eh, whatever.

Hmmmm, maybe she isn't a Skank.
Murasame told me to write, "Whooooooaaaaa mamma!!!!!!!" here. Baka.

  Mai then quickly stepped off stage. She was followed by a magical girl was was not from Sailor Moon, but from a Sailor Moon wannabee show. Wedding Peach."

"Listen now and believe me later.  You are nothing but girlie fanboy-men!"
"I am Wedding Peach and on behalf of my florist, I shall right wrongs and triumph over evil!"

-"I thought she was cute! After a little 'Wedding Speach' she threw her bouquet into the crowd, but I think one of the men on Anime actually caught it.
  Neow. Then Sanosuke from Ruroni Kenshin (not 'Samurai X'!) emerged from the curtains after he sliced them open with his mega-sword. The emcee just wanted to know one thing, 'Can it cut male sailors too?' That guy was crackin' me up^_^"

-"After sword-boy came larva (blinking eye and all), but he had a bit of trouble off stage and he had no skit (and most importantly he had no Miyu!). The next player was a royally pissed off Sailor Saturn. She did me proud ^o^ It turns out Saturn is tired of the rest of the senshi playing jokes on her and asking her if she feels all right because 'she looks like DEATH!'

Do NOT piss this honey off!
Lesson learned. Do not **** with Saturn.

  It was funny! She was followed by the Golden Boy himself, Kintaro. Um, all he did was walk his bike on stage and hug a toilet seat lid."

-"After that failed attempt at a cheap laugh came 'Waiting for Gendo!' It looked like Gendo Ikari had called an important meeting with Kaji, but then Gendo, well acted like Gendo-tcha.

"Yo, big guy, you okay in there?"

  Kaji tried his best to get Gendo to move or at least blink, but in the end he just slipped out the curtains without the big G even knowing. Kaji's the man!
  Then we were introduced to the Tomahome Auction-tcha. Toma-chan needed some fast cash so he tried to auction off a few chicks to the highest bidder. First was Tifa (from FFVII for everybody living in a cave for the past year) who quickly beat his ass into a bloody pulp. Then some chara from Sailor Moon, Ken-chan said she was a 'hottie!', who just walked away from the auctioneer. Then Sammy from the bridge bunnies on the SDF Macross stepped on his foot as she/he marched away. Finally it was Miaka's turn and (surprise surprise) she got mad at him too. *Yawn!*"

Who was the 'hottie' dressed up as?  I haven't seen enough Sailor Moon to know her.
"Chicks for sale! Chicks for sale! Get them while they're hot! Chicks for sale!"

-"Then it was time for a Summer Fashion Show in order to show off the newest and smoothest looking power suits on the market today. Priss was the model and her outfit was just to die for! I wanted to know how much it is, but as they say, 'If you have to ask you can't afford it.' So I just let it drop.

Hey!  Hoe!
Kick start my heart, hope it never stops!

  Then a video game come to life popped up on stage. Andy Bogard was in deep as the King of Fighters 98 tournament neared the finals, but he wasn't sure that he could really defeat his opponent. So he thought for a moment about what Terry would do. He then thought of his answer, he turned to his challenger and said, 'I love you man,' and raised his arms for a hug. And just like anybody Terry's ever loved, the opponent dropped dead in a second. Cute."

-"Neow. Then Grandis got up on stage and started singing an opera piece. I thought she was good, but it made no sense to me-tcha."

And Eva belts it out of the park!  It's GONE!
"Io sono prigioniera, kon'ya anata wa
watashi wo yasashiku tsutsunde-kureta..."

-"How 'baka' are you, kitty?!?! How many times do I have to tell you that that was Eva Freidel from Magnetic Rose! Not Grandis Granva! Sheesh! Anyway, she got a lot of well deserved applause after that.
  Then came somebody from X. I don't remember, I don't recall. I don't even really care all that much.
  After that came the night's second Chibi Moon Eternal. How original."

-"Dammit Oni-chan, that's not very nice! She was just a little girl who didn't understand and who simply had no way of knowing just how overplayed and annoying the whole Sailor Moon thang has gotten at these kind of cons! Leave her alone!
  Neow. After the tyke came the Bakuretsu Hunter's Fashion Show^_^ First Gato and Chocolate modeled their wears for us and then they were followed by Carrot Glaces himself! That guy is sooooo dreamy@_@"

Hiya!  Heeeeee-yo!  Do a little dance.  Make a little love!
This was the best Carrot Impression I've ever seen outside of a cell drawing! You should have seen the way he even 'swam' across the stage^_^ Priceless!

-"Get off it, cat. Carrot's a wimp, but I do agree that the skit was funny.
  It was about this time that Catsy and I found that we were running out of film and that there would be no way in which we'd get the rest of the players' pictures taken. And if that happened we know that our page would just totally blow and that you wouldn't read on past this part, right? C'mon, you know I'm right. So, it was only by the kind interference of a stranger that we are now able to show you the costumes of the rest of the players."

"Neow. He didn't even want any money in return! He was like Nic Cage in that movie about Angels that Oni-chan saw filmed here last year^_^ He gave us 3 new roles of film apparently just to see the sharp-toothed smiles on our lil' faces. What a sweetie!
  So, in order to thank him, we are just gunna mention his name and tell you that he is soooo money! Arrigatou
Kevin Lillard-kun!! Domo arrigatou!.... Wait a minute, isn't he that guy who does that "Fan's View" Page?"

-"Uh, I guess. Why?"

-"Well, I just don't think it's fair that he gets to go to every single con in the world and make pages about them all the time while we're always stuck in Georgia counting peaches! I guess my question is how the hell he's able to do that! I want that job too, dammit! Waaaaaaaah! I wanna go to all the cons! Waaaaaaaaaah!"

-"I'm reaching for the iron bar now, Catsy.... Do you promise you'll shut your stinking trap and get on with the CosPlay?.......... Is that a yes?"

-"...... Hai....."

-"Bueno. So anyway, after we loaded the new film (arrigatou again, Kevin-chan) we got ready for the next contestant to come on down. The Violinist of Hamelin and Friends put on a little skit.
  Hamel and Princess Flute were cornered by that Bass guy (Hey, I guess he finally got a head in life^o^) and he would let the violinist go and pay him some cash if he gave the chick to him and then the Magic Knights came out and did funny things and, well, I really don't remember it all that well. Just look at their pics!"

A brothel?!?!  Um, well, I guess it's better than hanging out with the "music man" here. Will you really castrate Hamel for me?  Kick ass!
They were cool costumes... If only I could remember what the skit was about.

-"Then Miyuki and Natsumi from the Tokyo Police Force came out. Half the men in the audience yelled out, 'Arrest me!' to them, but they didn't. Dang it!

Neow.  I wonder if they'll give me a set of their handcuffs.  That would be cool!
"But seriously folks, it's great to be here and we're sorry that we had to tow half of your cars away before the show. But hey, drinks are on us, okay? You've been a great crowd. We love you!"

  Anywho, after the police chicks Deed- Pirotess got up on the stage. She was sure cranky about something."

"The answer to life is this" -"Your finger?"
"Do you see this hair? Do you see my skin? What about this outfit, huh? You get the picture? I'm PIROTESS! Get it?!?!"

-"Neow! I loved her go-go boots! I asked her where she got them but she refused to tell me. I said, 'Hey, Deedlit. Dondé did you get those ass kicking boots?' but she just snarled at me and cast some weird spell with lighting and stuff and threw it at me. It was kinda rude, but I guess she was still upset about her friend 'Gimp' dying and stuff."

-"Yeah, that uh, must've been it. Then Fuu and Hikaru started to toss the marshmellowy Mokona-ball around (I actually wanted to see them use him as a soccer ball or something!) when Tasuki showed up and wackiness ensued... or something."

Fuu, why the heck are we in this ****ty skit?
"Hey! Did you just flash me?!?!?... Would you mind doing it again?... You know, if you ask politely I can get you into a nice little doujinshi with me. Huh? How 'bout it big boy?"

-"I think that 'Recka Shien' guy was like supposed to be Hikaru's brother... but I don't remember that in the manga-tcha. Oh well. Then came an uninspired Tenchi Masaki who said that he was the heir to the Jurai throne yada yada and so on and so forth. *Sigh* I think this was the slack time in the competition, wouldn't you agree, Oni-chan?"

-"Zzzzzzzzzzz-*Whazzat?!!?* Huh? Nani? *YAWN!* Um, then uh, yeah, it got to be a little tedious for a few players. After the 'NO NEED FOR' Tenchi came a Ranma Saotome (he/she said that he/she was the best there ever was or something), a Shampoo (at least it wasn't a cross dresser) and a Suzaku no Miko was supposed to appear but apparently the third wish did destroy her (thank GOD!) 'cause she was a no show. I think it was at that time that Murasame's head hit my shoulder as he passed out. He may be Immortal but he's got the attention span of Captain Tylor in the middle of a heated space battle."

-"You're one to talk. Besides, you didn't have to rip his head off and hand it to him. You could have easily just pushed him away!"

-"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

"................. Meanie! Neow. After those contestants came and went two Sailor Senshi hopped up on stage. They were on their way to save the world from the evil that was Queen Metallia and her nefarious nega-henchmen, but they had a quick lay-over in LA so they thought they'd check out the Expo for a bit.

Hey! Where was Sailor V?!?!
-"I sense great evil here."
-"Is it Berryl?"
-"No! It seems to be coming from that cat and little demon! Eeeeeviiiiiiiil!!!!!"

  Then came a skit called 'Street Fighter no Video Vs Fushigi Yuugi' which was just as it sounded. After that came another Allen Schezar (who looked like he was wearing a girdle-tcha)."

Neow.  We're only making fun of the girdle, not you!
"Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!"

-"I think it really was one, Catsy. Whoa! Anyway, the Magic Users Club came out and did their little Mahou Tsukai Tai deal. Cool costumes!

"Moon Prism POWER!!!!"
Ayanojou was just a little too right on the money.

  That dude still makes me wonder. Anywho, then King Van and his Royal Minstrell came and played a little ditty for us while Van showed us his jewels- I mean his pendulum thingy- I mean, uh, oh just look at the picture!"

"This's cool, ain't it?  I could swing this puppy all day!"
"Swing low, swing high, sweet Hitomi's jewel. Comin' forth to carry her home!"

-"Neow. 'And afterwards they ate the minstrell and there was much rejoicing,' the emcee said to which the audience responded 'Yaaaaaaaaaay ^_^'. Then Ranma and Co. came out and Genma and Ranma fought because Genma wanted his son to marry Shampoo now but Ran-chan sure as hell didn't want to. But then Genma pulled out his secret weapon, a Cabbit! And Ranma was chased off stage by Shampoo and the rest-tcha. Please people, less Ranma and Fushigi Yuugi (even I'm getting tired of them). Oy vey!
  Then Lime and BloodBerry (sounds like a neat Kool Aid flavor! Oishii!) from Sabre Marionette (J?) came out and looked rugged. Neow, I really liked Lime's hair ^_^

"Shultz!  Who is that woman?  Why does she not salute me?"
-"BloodBerry, quick! Here comes the Colonel! Ja vol!"

  After they were finished the three Goddesses magically appeared and started singing their opening song in turn :) They rocked the casbah to the ground!"

-"They were cool! And Murasame wouldn't shut up about how 'hot' Skuld was (Ecchi man! She's just a kid!). Anyway, they got a lot of applause and their costumes rocked (We've got pictures of them on other pages, baka! This page is just too big already and we're even gunna have to go to a 'Part II' right now anyway)."

-"Neow. Seeya on page 4.2 ^_^"

 the next night

Go Forward to Part 2 of the Mysterious CosPlay!

Need more costume fix?  Go to Page 2!

 Part 1: 7/02/1998 The Mysterious Beginning
 Part 2: 7/03/1998 The Mysterious New Century Expo
 Part 3: 7/04/1998 The Mysterious Experience
Part 4: 7/04/1998
Part II
The Mysterious CosPlay
Part 5: 7/05/1998 The Mysterious End

 The dawn of the night

 the next night

 Go back into the past Mysterious Day.

 Go forward into the next Mysterious Day.

 The dawn of the night

 Go back to the beginning of the Mysterious Expo.

-"Or you could check out the first recorded exploits of a lil' demoness at a con at the Excellent Adventure @ AX97 site. You will not remember when you had this much fun without giving any fan-boys major flushies!"

-"Or you could read all about when the both of us trashed out North Carolina in the name of Animazement98 during our Wild Ride To, At and From it."

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LINKS to the Universe!

If you feel the overwhelming need to get in touch with me (or even Oni-chan), just give the message to Ayeka and Ryoko, and as soon as/if we get it you can be sure that one of us will laugh at you E-Mail Me Here!

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