Code Name: the MegaPlayboy
File Name: Pugsly Waynewright Stevenson III
Primary Team Rossman Specialty: Computer expert. Also the main source of porn for Team Rossman.
Goal in Life: To become the Keeper of the Seven Keys.
|The Megaplayboy thinks that he's cool just because he has ninja throwing stars and listens to MegaDeth, Helloween, Blind Guardian and Iron Maiden. His dream is to one day be in an Ozzy cover band and throw ninja stars at people in the audience. At least his dreams are cool.
One time he kind of almost made his dreams come true. The last time the Oz came to town the MegaPlayboy went to the show and crawled up on stage. Then he stood up with about a dozen throwing stars in his hand, ready to hurl into the crowd below him when Ozzy nailed him in the spine with a dagger or something of his own, and then bit his head off. Dr. Dave charged me an assload to regrow the MegaPlayboy's melon after that.
Trey is nicknamed the Megaplayboy for the same reason you give a fat man the name "slim" and a bald man the name "curly." But he's totally into his moniker, so we just let it go. It does get annoying when he starts referring to himself in the third person with the name "the Megaplayboy" though. It's like he'll say "Hey, the Megaplayboy wants to know where we're goin' for lunch, bitch!" We're all usually like, "Dude, just use some fucking pronouns or something then we'll tell ya."
Now that I think about it, whenever he does use the name the Megaplayboy when talking about himself he's probably just be thinking that one of the voices in his noggin goes by that title! Like a personality inside his mind says "Ask the fuckers if we're going to Compadres for Mexican!!! Do it!!!!!" Looking back, that explains a whoooole helluva lot. Like when he proclaimed matter of factly that goat dropping are great conditioners and proceeded to gently rub some (donated by Mr. Yablonski's goat) in his hair to prove his point. A few hours later he kept sniffing around saying "Man, did somebody step in some fuckin' crap or what.... Ya whores!!" We just laughed and said "That's the Megaplayboy for you."
Here the Megaplayboy shows off his photon sword that he stole from Bob From the Future last June. It's really cool and it hums kinda like a lightsaber, but the Megaplayboy sure ain't no jedi. He mostly just uses it to open cans of peaches and pop the tops off of Heinekens (he's always had trouble with those)....
The Megaplayboy swears that he has a job, but I don't think that anybody believes him. We can call his place at any time of day and he's there. He now says that he works at home but that probably just means that he surfs the web for pornography from dawn to dawn. Lord knows that's all I'd do if I stayed at home all day.... Just imagine what you could find if you had the unlimited free-time that the Megaplayboy has along with Bob From the Future's kick ass hyper-future hacking technological mad skillz at your beck and call! You could get all those high priced hottie sites for free!!
|Every once in a while the MegaPlayboy'll also (unfortunately) use the damn thing on Robot Pedro. This always pisses me off 'cause the Megaplayboy will only do this when he loses 50 times in a row to Robot Pedro in any video game they play each other in. Everybody knows that the Megaplayboy's gunna fucking lose, so it's just a kick to my crotch when I have to pay to have RP fixed again and again and again. The incident above is actually the twenty second time that the Megaplayboy decrapitated my asshole robot pal.
The Megaplayboy's favorite thing to do is listen to speed metal while he types things on his computers (usually 2 at once). It's kinda cool to watch as he tries to keep up with the drums and bass on his keyboards. He can usually stay with it for a good two or three hours before he burns out and collapses on the floor like a rabid dog that had to be put down (or even a non rabid one that drank too much anti-freeze). He usually just lies unconscious until we get hungry or bored and kick him awake. Then he always says "Yo, bitch! Don't be fuckin' wid no Megaplayboy like that! I oughta whore-slap yo sorry white ass to next Tuesday!... Why Tuesday, you ask? Cause Tuesday's when they picks up the TRASH in my hood!"
He's not lying about the "hood" thing either. The Megaplayboy made a special point to rent a house in the shadiest part of Athens, GA... and let me tell you, there are LOTS of shady parts of Athens, GA. He lives right up the street from Liquor Store Alley (not a bad thing in and of itself) and the crapped out Dairy Queen. It's actually the DQ that one has to worry about. It's where the Bloods go after they kill a man to celebrate. The Megaplayboy brought me there along with Robot Pedro once during a "Kill Victory Party." Robot Pedro was stripped down to his CPU in less than 5 seconds. I had to kick the Megaplayboy in the bricks for that FUBAR. Dick.
Though it was the first time that he thought he needed to chuck his ninja stars in Robot Pedro's back as he stumbled around like Stevie Wonder in a blender. It cost me $12 to have the dings hammered out dammit!
For revenge, Robot Pedro found another use for the light saber: basically a laser-guided enema.
All in all the Megaplayboy is fairly useful in my plot to control all the pornography in the world (which is why I don't make fun of his hourly downloads [in his pants] too much). You see, Robot Pedro computed that the way to rule the world is to control all the porno and all the Pokemon. It's pretty simple when you think about it, but his plan included hacking into the Illuminati servers and a human sacrifice. Turns out that the Megaplayboy is perfect for both!
MegaPlayboy Quote: "See, my god loooooooooves porn, bitch."