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Stuff we want to talk about
Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I wish to Christ that I could take credit for the creation of Psycho Chicken, but alas, it was Chi-Chi who conceived this most ultimate character, way back in high school.

The first time I saw P.C. was in Ms. Scotch's Honors English class our junior year (which was back in ninety-fucking-two). I was bored out of my ass, doodling on my desk and notebook while Ms. Scotch went on and on about her two boyfriends getting it on and how it should always be "liquor before beer, all clear," and NEVER "beer before liquor... Never sicker." At one point I turned around to show Chi-Chi my newest Rhino comic -- wherein the armed horned-one was shoving a rocket launcher up Soviet Grizzly's anus while smirking out the line, "Yeah, so how'd that 'communism' work out for ya, ya fuckin' dirty Nazi fuck!" -- and to get his advice as to if I should blow the bear's head off in the last panel, or have Rhino go on a dinner break and leave the impacted weapon up the commie's ass for a cliffhanger ending.

But before I could even show Chi-Chi my drawing, he shoved in my face the most primitive, yet beautiful, drawing of a stick-figured chicken, with bug eyes and a buzz cut, wielding a chainsaw above his head and cutting off Ms. Scotch's head, while her two boyfriends (Lance and Chuck iirc) had their way with her corpse as a fountain of blood cascaded upon them all. The only text on the page (besides the necessary namings of the stick figures) was a word balloon coming from "Psycho Chicken" that said "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!". I think I shit my pants in laughter as I fell out of my seat and slapped the ground repeatedly until I was sent to the guidance counselor's office for my weekly psych evaluation... Which is why I am a lousy drinker to this day. I should have paid more attention in that class.

It wasn't until later that I found out that Chi-Chi had created P.C. years before, back when he was a freshman. I was so pissed off at him for not sharing him with me before then. Seriously, my Rhino and butch Samus Aran comics looked like the pathetic pieces of amateur art that they were compared to Chi-Chi's brilliant creation and incredible use of lyrical prose in his own drawings. For a while I tried to capture Psycho Chicken as best I could... But I just couldn't do him justice. I even tried having Chi-Chi write his lines in order to capture SOME of the magic that made P.C. who he was... Yet even with Chi-Chi's "BWAAAAAAA!'s" it still wasn't enough. This comic today, still isn't the real P.C., but Chi-Chi refused to draw him for the strip (though he did write his dialogue), and so you're stuck with my shitty interpretation instead.

Hopefully, if P.C. ever comes back, I can get Chi-Chi to do the artworkfor him again.

- the Rossman