Except Oliver Stone Didn't Direct
Except Oliver Stone Didn't Direct
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Stuff we want to talk about
Monday, July 24, 2006

First I'd like to talk about what was announced at the San Diego Comic Con this past weekend in regards to the Transformers live action movie. Yes, the Paramount people finally put to rest who would be the voice of Optimus Prime, and in doing so made the first correct decision that has been made on this production. They hired Peter Cullen (the original and only real voice of Prime) for the role. The fact that they actually had to think about this boggles the mind, but considering I don't want to sound like that Lord of the Rings/Transformers fan boy in Clerks 2 any more than I already do, I'll let the rest of what I have to say drop... Except for this one last bit -- Yes, they have Cullen, and hopefully this means that they'll get Welker as well for the voice of Megatron, but even if they do, that only means that next summer's Transformers movie will SOUND good... It still won't BE good (unless lots of changes are made between now and then). That is all.

Speaking of Clerks 2, I'd say that Kevin Smith finally remembered what he does best and what his fans love him for: witty, rapid-fire verbal humor. Dante and Randal are fucking aces in this movie, and Rosario Dawson proves that she is one of young Hollywood's most fuckable hot actresses. God she's gorgeous.

The Wolfman and I caught C2 on Saturday in a fairly full theater, and it was the most perfect audience I could have hoped for. The laughs and disgusted groans were perfectly timed, as were the gaggings and the dry heaves when the donkey's act got going. That scene definitely topped the dead guy with the boner in the first one. And it was the perfect send off to two of my favorite characters in motion pictures ever... No, not Jay and Silent Bob dammit! Dante and Randal.

Randal Graves became my ultimate idol when I saw the original Clerks back when it first came out. As everyone knows, I worked at Ballbuster Video for five years, through high school and college, and I strived to be just like Randal even before I knew who he was. Once I saw Mr. Graves in action I became overjoyed that I wasn't alone -- that there were indeed others out there who only worked in video stores just so that they could tear into the customers who pissed them off. Thank you, manager Corey, for allowing me to do so myself, and for actually encouraging it on the rare occasions when I tended to hold back. Yeah, I like my current job making styrofoam popcorn for shipping sex toys in, and it pays well, but man do I miss those days of eating all the free candy I could stomach and hoarding two dozen copies of Jurassic Park behind the counter on its release day just to hear people whine about how we didn't care for the customers at all. No, Ballbuster's cared, it was just me who didn't.

Now if only Smith got off his fat ass and gave us more animated Clerks.

-the Rossman