It Is What It Is
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Stuff we want to talk about
Monday, July 03, 2006

Since I won't be posting anything tomorrow I wanted to wish everybody in America a happy 4th of July, and the rest of the world a happy World Cup Football whatever.

On to the comic. Catsy does what she does best, which is usually with a lot of action and little to no words. Karen tells me that both Catsy and I look like we're goose-stepping in the first panel, in which case I believe it was for the best that the cat tripped me like that.

Now on to more pressing matters: Superman Returns. I'm gonna go with a big "What The Fuck" here. THIS is what we've been waiting something like 20 years for? It was crap, pure and simple. Two and a half hours and 200+ million dollars worth of crap. As my sister-in-law put it, "It was a long, expensive chick flick." There was only one (short) action sequence in the whole thing, Superman was a pussy the whole way through, and Lois' fiance was about 3Xs the man that the man-o-steel was. Pathetic.

And seriously, am I the ONLY person in the world who thought that the Christopher Reeve Superman movies sucked Batman's balls? EVERYBODY I've talked to lately has just been jizzing their pants over those pieces of shit in preparation for this new movie. "Oh, I just hope that Superman Returns is as good as the Christopher Reeve movies! Those were so good!" No, really, watch them again. They are worse than Batman and Robin and Blade 3 combined. They're goofy, Clark Kent is portrayed as Steve Urkel on crack, Lois Lane (aka Margot Kidder) is fugly and stupid, Lex Luthor is a complete moron (hiring other morons as his main henchmen/women), and Superman's biggest enemy: an earthquake. Yeah, Superman 2 was a bit more fun, but it still stinks to high hell. The whole "Supes loses his powers then gets them back again" storyline was stuff that not even the shitty SuperFriends show would touch with a 10 cubit pole... And I'm talking the lame Superfriends episodes back when Wendy and Marvin were on. When it was really gay. Geez, if you want to see my views of what else is wrong with the earlier DC movies just read this article.

Back to Superman Returns. Director/writer Singer made this a "tribute" of sorts to the Reeve movies... He even brought back the cheezy-as-all-get-out Krypton crystal technology... and the whole plot of the first movie: Goofy Lex Luthor wants valuable land. Superman must stop him. That's right, the big bad guy that Supes fights in his $200+million return to the multiplex is an ISLAND. Fuck you, Singer. You should have just stuck to the X-Men films. Even X-Men 3 was a helluvalot more enjoyable than your terrible Superman attempt.

-the Rossman