What has happened to America's youth? They used to have drive... They used to have goals... They used to have heroes and idols that actually meant something and stood for some sort of high and mighty ideals. Now we have kids like Tom_Boomer1337. Kids who think that I'm some sort of role model for the masses. What went wrong?

Below is an interview conducted over IM between Tom_Boomer1337 (he's since changed his screen name) and myself. Tommyboy contacted me a little over a week ago and wanted to know if I'd be up to getting interviewed by him for a high school social studies or some shit class. He said that he had to interview his idol, or somebody who actually accomplished something big in life that he wanted to accomplish himself... I'm guessing that Tom_Boomer1337 dreams of pissing off Bobby Flay in real life, or he wants to waste his existence away watching shitty chop-socky movies while constantly looking up free internet porn.... Though when I put it that way, who WOULDN'T want my life?

I agreed to the interview as long as I got to put an unedited transcript up on my site in return. He agreed, so below you can find the 2nd Interview of a Lifetime! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ACTION!

Hi. Hang on... ...
Are you looking up porn?
What? No. My girlfriend is here. Shes asking me something. Hold on.
Is she hot?
Yes. Hold on
Tell her that I love her... Wait, is she 18?
No. She's 17. And she says she loves me
Put her on. Let me talk to her.
This is AManda. Hi. I don't get your website. I think its pretty stupid.
I don't want to talk to you anymore. Wait. Are you really hot?
That's all she wanted to say. Okay, Mr. Rossman I want to ask my first question
Tell your girlfriend she's a cock tease.
How old are you and where do you live?

That's two questions, but what the fuck. I'm older than I'd like to be and I live in Georgia. But don't hold that against me. Some of us aren't rednecks... Some.

Real quick -- how old are you? You said this is for high school, yes?

Yes, highschool. I'm in Ohio
Ohio! DO you know the Keatons? Their next door neighbr Skippy's a dick, but Mallory's boyfriend Nick is pretty cool. Drew Carey's pretty funny when he's making fun of that ugly fat bitch with the makeup.
I don't know them. Okay, when you were a childwhat did you want to be when you grew up?
A dinosaur. An allosaurus actually. T-rexes were cool, but the allosaur had more fingers.
Not a pilot or a cop or a doctor?
Well, i did want to be a plumber for a while after I saw this awesome movie as a kid.
Really? What was the movie?
Horny Housewives and Repairmen With Giant Cocks... Or something like that. See, there was this hot housewife and she hada problem with her pipes clogging up (if you know what I mean), so she called upthe plumber...
Okay, next question. Did you have a happy childhood?
So the buff plumber shows up, but he forgot his tools, but then the woman bent over to look at the pipes and the plumber's big dick pops out of his pants in excitement, and he said, "Wait, ma'am.. Looks like I DO have a tool with me!" Then he started giving it to her like a fucking rhino!
I'm guessing that that means you hd a good childhood then
Wait, maybe that movie was Big Black Dicks With White Pearly Cum. They all blend together after a while.
Did you have many friends growing up?
Oh yeah. Lots... TONS of them... Yeah... I was never lonely...... Never cried myself to sleep after daddy hit me again and again.... "Put the goddamn toothpaste cap back on the tube!! How many goddamn times must I tell you, boy?!?" "I'm sorry, daddy! I'm... No! Not the belt again!!!"
So does that mean a bad childhood?
Wait... I... I need a breather *sniff*

Why did you just type *sniff*?

I don't know if you're really upset but I doubt it. Look, I really need this for a good grade. Please help me out.

Okay. I'm better now. What was the last question? Friends? Yes. a total of 27 of them.
Got ya. Now, where did you grow up?
No, wait, I forgot about Bradley Newman. He was a tool, but I guess I would count him as a friend. 28 total.
Okay thank you. Now where did you growup
Lots of places. New Jersey, Michigan, Missouri, and Georgia. But I was kind of grown up by then.
Are you a conservative or a liberal?
Fuck and No. Neither. I really think that morons who stick to one side no matter what are the biggest dipshits in the world. I like points from the right and points from the left. I hate people who think this fucking world is black and white and that there's only one goddamn answer to e3very question. FUCK YOU, you assholes!
Are you green then?
Fuck the greens! Fuck Perot too!
Fuck who?
Oh jesus, junior... How old are you?
I'm 18. Is Perot a person or a party?
He was a legend! Think of the most insane motherfucker you can think of... Like that guy that comes on TV at like 2 in the morning in the Riddler-like question-mark suit telling you how you can screw the government over with his $19.95 book. Now give him 50 billion dollars and a presidential campaign. That was Perot.
Grrrreat. Did you actually vote for Perot?
No. I said "fuck Perot." Fuck him in his ear! He WANTED to be president. I forget who said it but anybody who WANTS to be president should automatically never be allowed to be. Oh fuck it... Just say that I said that. It's a cool quote.
What are your thoughts on abortion?
I'm glad it never happened to me.
Wow. That's actually pretty deep.
Is it? What's deep? Sorry, I just hit the keyboard with my arm while reaching for another slice of pepperoni.
Okay next. If you couldn't live in this country where would you chose to live?
Why can't I live here? I like it here
Say that Hitler built a time machine and didn't really die in the bunker, but instead came to our time and set off nuclear explosions all over america. Now you have to live somewhere else.
What a Nazi fucking bastard!!! I'll KILL HIM! But then I'd move to Scotland. Wait, does he nuke France too? Then I won't kill him.
If you could meet with any person from history for an hour, who would it be and why?
And why her?
Total fucking slut. And she must have been hot too, I mean she bagged two Caesars and they could have had any babe in the world. And yes, Mark Antony was a cuz of Julius. God bless Wikipedia!
Anybody else so that you'd like to meet who you wouldn't want to have sex with so that I don't have to really explain that to my teacher?

Fine. How abotu Winston Churchill. That guy could insult the pants off of anyone!!...

Some bitch who hated him once approached him at a party and in front of people told him that if he was her husband she'd poison his tea. He replied that if she was his wife he'd drink it. Fuck you, stuffy, ugly, British bitch!

Do you try to live your life according to any sort of philosophy?
Yes: Don't get sent to prison. Too much butt secks there.
Do you have any regrets in life?
Ahhhh, now there's a good one. Yes. I regret that I never said anything until it was too late to my one true love...
That's sad. Do you feel that you are in a place where you want to be in life right now?
I WASN'T FINISHED!!!1 I didn't tell you about the pain, the suffering, the stigmata... Jesus! I'm beginning to regret something ELSE right now......
sigh. Please continue...................................................................
Do you feel you're where you want to be in life now?
Currently I'm not in a whorehouse surrounded by whores, so no. Other than that, yes. Good house, good friends, good computer that downloads tons of porn for me while I'm at work. Plus for some reason the cops look the other way when I accidentally kill people every week. I like where I am, just could use some more poon-tang if you know what I mean
um I'm straight.

Fuck you.

No, not literally.

Okay, If you had one wish, what would you wish for? Like from a genie or from magic, so it could be anything. Anything at all.
Wow..... Let me think about this.
It's been 5 minutes. Have you thought of anything.
Hold on, I'm looking up something. What'd you say your girlfriend's name was?
One wish. You have one wish, what is it?
God! Right now I wish I had three hands so that I could type to your annoying ass and do... something else at the same time.
B serious. Don't get all goofy on my now. ONe wish.
One wish, huh. I wish that I could get people to do whatever I wanted them to... But like it wouldn't be easy, I'd kind of have to earn it otherwise it would get old really fast. So, like maybe I could get them to do anything I want (like pay me $10,000 a day to look up lesbian webpages for a living, or star in porn), but I'd have to be looking at them and realy concentrate like in Scanners to make them bend to my will.
So you'd wish for mind control
....Can I wish for more wishes?
Sorry, you already wished, and the genie would only answer that question if that was your wish to know.
That's one twisted fucked up genie. Where'd you dig him up? The one in Aladdin was much cooler, though a bit annoying with Robin Williams voice. Did you know that the guy who does Homer Simpson's voice did the genie in th e TV show?
Umm no.
Yeah, well, the first voice of Homer did, but then he died of self-inflicted auto-erotica asphixiation. He was found hanging from his belt tied to his basement stairs or something. Lisa's voice actor found him I heard.
How do you feel about the war on terrorism?
I'm totally against it. Assholes!
Your'e against the war on terrorism?
What? No! i'm against terrorism. Bunch of assholes. I think they stole my neighbors dog and blamed it on me too. Why would I have the pooch's leash sticking out of my disposal in th esink? Like I told the cops, I didn't really care that that damn lap yapping dog kept me up all night every night barking and barking and barkng even after I didn't throw my shoes and shoot paintballs at it.
So you are for the war on terror. Why do you feel this way?
Seriously, they can't prove that' s my paintball pellets on their lawn. Plus if you look at their trajectory from the splatter on the house and porch you'd see that the shooter was sitting in the big tree behind their house, at least 30 feet inthe air. Climbing that high at night even with night-vision goggles would be very difficult to do even with a really tall ladder like the one that was stolen from the firehouse two weeks ago. Get some goddamn proof, hippies!
Why again?
I'm for the war on terror because I'm not a retard who wants to die in an explosion tomorrow or the next day. They aren't going to stop blowing the shit out of us, so we should keep blowing the shit out of them in their own countries.
These seem to be out of order. I think I put the cards together in the wrong order, but pleas bear with me. What is the greatest day of your life and what made it so great?
Hmmm, I think I have like 3 fave days and its hard to put them in order of favorite to least fave since they all rock. The first is a mega-sleepover at my old friend Jason's house when I was in gradeschool. He had a pool and we stayed up all night swimming and playing Nintendo and watching violent as fuck rated-R movies. There was cake and ice-cream and shit too
Sounds fun. How old were you?
Must've been around 12 or 4... How old are you in 7th grade? Well whatever that is.
And your other most favorite days?
Another is the less than 24 hours I spent in Scotland. I crashed a party, got loaded on Guinness, played in the snow with some local kids, saw the League of Gentlemen TV show for the first time, walked through Edinburgh Castle, made friends with a few Scottish lasses, and so on and so forth
And finally my third favorite day was in California just a few weeks ago. It was more like my favorite day and a half though. Went hiking with some friends, big drunk wedding party with hot chicks that night, more drinking, more partying, more mountain climbing the next day with everything (in the day and my life) culminating in one GIANT Oktoberfest in a giant log-cabin/mansion on the top of a redwood filled mountain...... I want to go back, and do it all over... But I can't go back, I know.
Very interesting. See my favorite day is kind of boring in comparison. I went deep sea fishing with my grandfather right before he was diagnosed with lung cancer from smoking a pack a day for 50 years. We never caught anything larger than 5 pounds but we just enjoyed the ocean air and the gorgeous sunset. He died 3 months later.
I wanna go back (go back), 'cause I'm feelin' so much older... But I can't go back I knooooow. Just like Ronnie sang: "Be my little babeeeeeeee! Baby my dah-ah-ling! Oh oh oh oh!"
Umm, yeah.
My favorite food is a thick, juicy prime rib served rare/medium rare. Side of fully loaded baked potato and a pint of PBR if you're interested.
So do you have an idol or someone who you look up to? Who and why do you look up to them?
Do the obvious answers count? Like Hugh Hefner because he is a GOD, or Traci Lords for becoming an underaged porn star?
um please try to keep it at least pg rated. I already probalby have to really edit this thing for my teacher.
How abooooooooout Stalin.
Your idol is Joseph Stalin the russian communist?
No, wait, who was the guy who was like Stalin but didn't kill all of his own people? Ben Franklin. He was super smart, he held his brain power over everybody's head, he was a bit of a playboy (look it the fuck up! It's true!), he liked to fuck with people's minds, and he's on the 100 dollar bill. I mean, fuck youGeorge, on the 1 and the penny!
That's Abraham Lincoln. Wow, I can't believe I knew that. I guess I really did learn some shit in school :)
...........don'tcha mean you learned something working the cash register at the shitty dollar theater just so you could take your hot girlfriend out to a nice place to eat so that she would FINALLY give up a piece to you, but in the end she still won't because you stink of stale popcorn and moldy hotdogs?...
Did you meant o typethat out and be an asshole, or are you just stupid
What are you talking
Do you think you're being funny? This is just lame.
Ooooh, I see it now. SOrry, I had to run to the bathroom and my screensaver kicked in and malfunctioned and it wrote that. What are the odds of that message
Look, you don't want to do this, so just answer this final question please then we can all go and do our own thing. Do you consider yourself a great person? If you do, why, and if not, why not? B serious on this please. You pushed back our interview time so much that I don't have any time to ask anybody else if you get all stupid on me.
You're welcome
Pleaswe just answer it
Okay, this is obviously a trick question as any great man wouldn't say he was great, except Jesus or Buddha, but like fuck wow! Jesus and Buddha! So "no" I am not a great man. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Okay now why do you think that?
Oh shit... Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... Becaaaaaaause I think that greatness comes from within. Within our shining spirits comes the fortitude to bring forth on this nation a land of burning desires and freedom. Freedom that shall set the inner conformist free in the mouth of deliberation and declaration of the announcement of exhibitionism in the peace of our time. Mankind can only strive to obliterate intolerance of the antibiotics that indifference and ineptitude can condone. Amen.
Is that it?
Also I don't think that great people should be arrested more than once for possession of a severed human head.
Thank you for your time.
You are so very wlcome
I'm deleting my im account so don't try to contact me. I also stopped my yahoo account that I first got in touch with you with.
Okee-dokey. But real quick, I wanted to ask you something. You're a guy, right? So why is your avatar of that hot chick on BSG?
Because she's hot andd my nicknam is boomer. Goodnight
Yeah... Oooooh yeah she's hot. Umm, I want to change my one wish... Or at least get an airline ticket thrown in so I can use my mind power on that Cylon-human hybrid! BOOM-HER!
signed off
You there? Can you get me a plane ticket?


Notes from the Editor:
Yeah, I fixed up some of the English that Tom-Boomer spelled incorrectly, but after only getting two lines down and suffering from carpal tunnel I gave up entirely. Needless to say, I don't think the Rossman has anybody idolizing him anymore. Thank Christ!

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