Issue #7: U.S. Relations with China

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Nothin' like a cold one.

Hey, Druggle, is that the mug I had Bowser piss in for his drug test? I had to put it in the fridge so that it didn't stink up the place. It's like he only eats asparagus and shit! Jeezus it reeked!

Bwa ha ha ha!!! You're not getting me this time! I'm sick of your little jokes especially when they involve beer!!

Uhhh, whatever. But Bowser's gunna go postal when he finds out that he has to go another 4 months without Extacy so he can pass the test and get that job sniffing Goombas on the docks.


...........oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Oh don't worry about it, man.

W-w-w-w-w-why?..... Do you think he really won't use my testes for a driveway when he finds out?

Hell yeah he will! But we can always just blame the gay elf.

What was that?! Blame me for what? I didn't do jack shit this time and I can prove it!

You can prove it? What, were you video taping yourself trying to screw a mannequin with a picture of Toadstool glued to its head again?

NO! Uh, I mean I was using a picture of Druggle's mom! Yeah, that's it!

Shit, dude, you're fucked up! I don't have a mom. We from the bubble kingdom reproduce asexually...... So you're saying that you were in fact using a picture of my DAD to whack off to?... You got problems, boy.

I....mean....jizz.... licker... bastards.

Oh man, we are so gunna tell Bowser that you drank his pee thinking it was beer! He's gunna eat your nads man!

There's no way I would have drinken anything I thought was beer! And I can prove it without using the tape I made. It all goes back to that time that I got lost in that forest in Hyrule. It was there that I met that nice old man....

...WHOA! Time out! Dude, what the hell is up with telling us that story? Fuckin' perv.

Hold on, I want to hear how this turns out. Proceed.

So anyway I kept walking around and soon enough I was lost again, but this time I was in this creepy underground cave! It was all dark and eerie and I don't mind telling you that I was a little shaken up....
"But then I saw a literal light at the end of the tunnel!"

Ooooookay. This is getting to be even too messed up for me. So you're saying that deep in an underground labyrinth the same old man came back and offered you a BJ for $10?

Man, that's dirt fuckin' cheap! Where the hell'd you say you saw that guy?
"But there's MORE! After a few hours I decided to try and find my way to the world above again. Eventually I came out into some weird clearing where a boy was playing a flute on a tree stump with lots of animals around him. I tried to approach the healthy looking lad but he vanished in front of my eyes! So then I just went looking for the old man again and luckily found him in another cave nearby."

Let me give you some advice: Whenever the old man gives you an option, always go for the most expensive treatment. It is soooooooo worth it.

You sick sonofabitch! I heard the whole thing! Just wait till I tell Zelda when I call her tonight! You are the world's biggest flaming pervert!!!! PERVERT!!!

.......... I know........

Heh heh! So, Doc, should we still turn him in to the big bad lizard? I'd sure like to see him get squashed like a bug and all.

Oh, there's no need for that. I already put the big lug to sleep like a naughty puppy. I was planning to just take his money and not perform the urine test from the beginning. Plus I made up the job that he applied for too.

Fuckin bastard still owed me a pack of Cubans.... I think I need a beer.

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This Page is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Though, of course, NONE of the characters are belong to him. They are all the property of the rich and powerful Japanese Yakuza (known as Nintendo Corporation), and neither the Yakuza nor the big N support this page or probably even want it up. The opinions on this page are not necessarily the Rossman's either (and they sure as hell ain't Nintendo's). He did create all of the graphics from memory and scratch and he is using them in a purely "satire-rific" manner, in order to be funny and make people laugh. So LAUGH, damn you!