 The Heretical
ROSSMAN This show was the most magically BLATANT rip-off
of the whole Harry Potter phenom that I have ever even heard
about... Well, it was until somebody told me about Negima,
but that's neither hear nor there. Seriously, the only reason
I sat through this unoriginal piece of tripe was because I went
through so much effort to get a hold of it. And the only reason
I went through so much damn trouble to get a hold of it was
because I could have sworn I had heard that it was done by Studio
Bones (who did the uber-tacular Cowboy Bebop Movie,
RahXephon and FullMetal
Alchemist, among others). Well, it WASN'T done by Bones
nor was it bewitching in the least. It WAS a wizardly waste
of time though. Time I'll never get back even through the use
of black magics. CROM!!!!!!
Maburaho is all about the wussiest
boy in all of Japan (wow, it's amazing how many of my anime
reviews start out this way), Shikimori Kazuki, who's going to
a Wizarding School in order to learn how to use and control
his power. See, magic in Maburaho's world is finite within those
who can use it, meaning that wizards and witches can only use
a certain amount of spells in their lifetime. If they use up
all their magic they turn to ash. We see it happen a few times
throughout the story, and it's really kind of creepy. But anyway,
the average witch/wizard can use magic 8,000 times in his/her
life (while some can even use it up to 140,000 times). Our main
wussboy hero (and I use the term "hero" very loosely,
but the word "wussboy" doesn't seem strong enough)
can only magic eight times before he's dusted. But,
despite this little setback he's the luckiest bastard in the
world for he has 3 really cute/hot chicks chasing after his
bod.
See, it turns out that Shikimori has tons of famous
and powerful witches and wizards in his ancestry (according
to his family tree in one shot his great-great-great-grandfather
is H. Potter... Laaaaaaaame). So, in anime logic, it's figured
that his kids will probably be the most powerful magic users
ever born. And so we have cute pink-haired Yuna, grave and traditional,
purpled-headed Rin, and rich and blonde Kuriko chasing him for
his genes (Shikimori also has a brunette childhood girlfriend
who loves him, but whatever). And because Shiki's such an incredibly
gay faggot, he won't do it with any of them despite the fact
that THEY WANT TO JUMP HIS WILLOWY BODY. I mean, Shiki is not
only wimpy, but he gets terrible grades, he's non-athletic,
he's wishy washy, and on top of that there's the whole "Can
only use magic 8 times" dealy. But, like any good harem
anime (well, is there such a thing as a "good" harem
anime?) the chicks don't care how much of a total lamer the
main character is (and I swear, Shiki talks in a voice that
sounds like his seiyuu zipped up too fast in the men's room
right before recording), as long as he doesn't want to fuck
them, they want him more and more. Does that make any kind of
sense to you?
Let's jump into the girls' side of things here.
Yuna is from a once powerful magic family that's lost it's prestige
in the world. She's beyond controlling and ruled by jealousy
(she flips out if another girl looks in Shiki's direction
cause the Coke machine is behind him, and then blows up [literally,
with magic] her man and the girl doing the looking just for
kicks). She's told by her elders that an uber-magic baby would
be just the thing to salvage her family's name and importance.
Rin is from a long line of samurai mages (wha?!) and in order
to raise her clan up in the political world of magic users,
she's ordered to make a mini-mage with Shiki. Kuriko is from
the most powerful magic family in the world, but in order to
remain on top she's told it's her duty to get that wimpy baby-batter!
Of course their reasons change when they come to realize that
although Shikimori may not be the sharpest light in the attic,
he's kind stupid enough to completely and utterly WASTE
his remaining few magic usages on their wimpy little problems
without a thought to his own heath. Now, do the math: Shiki
has 8 usages left at the start of episode one. He pretty much
uses one spell up per episode. This show is 24 episodes long.
Yup, you guessed it, SPOILERS!!!!
So, Shiki blows spell after spell on his three
whores (and on his childhood girl friend [a friend who's a
girl, just not a girlfriend]), where only one or two of which
were really necessary. Granted, the spells that he does cast
are more powerful than something like 100 combined spells
from anybody else, but the point is he still only has 8. So
before the midpoint of the series he uses his last casting
up on Yuna (who retardedly caught a magic disease that uses
up points of her magic each time she sneezes or coughs...
but once again who cares). So, Shiki blasts the magic cold
out of her, and then turns to ash. Buuuuut, since he feels
that there's unfinished business left for him on this plane
of existence (and since he burned up so completely and fast),
he turns into a ghost. The rest of the show is all about his
three (then four) bitches trying to turn him back...er, alive.
Hilarity attempts to, but ultimately fails to ensue.
END OF SPOILERS
"Okay," you say, "that sounds kind
of lame... But are there any good parts to Maburaho?"
Yeah, a few. The music for one is totally different from any
other anime soundtrack I've ever heard. Lots of electric guitar
work. Pretty schway. The opening is also waaaaay too catchy
for it's own good. Goddammit!! Get that song out of my fucking
head!!! AAARRRGH!!!! The very end (after the final closing credits)
was pretty original too. I honestly did not see that coming.
Now, the Mabu ending is no Gunbuster
or Combustible Campus Guardress,
but it's a nice little twist. Unfortunately it was the most
interesting part of the whole 12 hours of storytelling.
Yeah, there were some mysteries to solve throughout
the plot (like what was up with the doctor's insane sister,
and why the crap did the dorm manager always wear mourning clothes
and a veil), but once you find out why you're like, "Who
gives a shit?"
Now for the REALLY negative parts of the show.
Maburaho had only 4 likable characters at all
in it (that's from out of like 30 speaking roles): Rin, Kuriko,
the dorm manager, and Shiki's childhood friend. The rest were
either annoying (like Shiki's homeroom teacher and the ghost
girl) or SO FUCKING ANNOYING that you wanted to crucify them
through your own television set despite knowing that it's physically
impossible but hoping that just once God would give you the
gift of a miracle to make it happen because he hated them even
more than you did (like Yuna, and every other bitchy girl and
bastard of a guy who was in Shiki's class... They were all such
greedy ASSHOLES that it hurt to watch on occasion). That's a
lot of annoying or evil people in one short show. And NONE of
them ever got any real comeuppance. That truly pissed me off.
Evil dickheads, even if they're good at being assholes (which
they were not in this series), should get what's coming to them
by the end of the story. Otherwise the viewer is left with rage
that they got off scott free.
So, what did I think of Maburaho?
I was very disappointed. Not only was it not by Studio Bones,
but it was cliched, lame and pathetically boring. I
give it a thumbs down. And please answer me this...
Why is Shikimori so afraid of getting laid?!?! There were at
least a dozen instances where Yuna or Kuriko had him completely
alone (where nobody knew where he was), started undressing and
approaching him with seductive looks in their eyes, and he would
freak out so completely and run away with such cowardice that
it made me ashamed to be a man myself. I know straight chicks
who would have been quicker to jump in the sack with those cuties
faster than you can say "flaming homo". What a wuss.
|
The Potter-Fixated JAIMEMy brother told me that he got a copy of an animated
Harry Potter, so I was very excited to sit
down and watch the whole thing with him thinking that I'd get
to see more adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermione in a new cartoon...
Well, I was kind of upset to find out that not only was it NOT
Harry Potter, but I was really ticked to find
out that the whole thing sucked (pardon my French)! Really,
what a waste of an afternoon. And I got my hopes set so high
just dreaming about that adorable Harry and all the mischief
he was bound to get all caught up in! He'd evade He Who Must
Not Be Named, blow up Malfoy, save Hogwarts and throw a party
in the Griffindor commons room! Then he'd come to me... Yesss,
then Harry would come to me and say in his glorious English
accent, "Jaime, might I rub your shoulders for you a bit,
luv? You look ever so tired after helping me out on my most
dangerous adventure just now... Here, let me loosen your robes
for you... Is that better? Now, would you like to see my magic
wand?" OH YES!!!! YES, Harry! Oh-... Oh?! Um.. Yeah, Mabuhabu
was terrible... I have to go now.
I will give this show a thumbs
down. Don't look at my picture. It's meaningless.
|
The Non-Confrontational
MALCOLM
Z First of all, I can't believe that cracker of
a Rossman made me watch this shit. Second of all, I can't believe
he got me to then acknowledge that I saw it and actually write
a review about it for the world to see. The man should be a
mothafuckin politician, my brothers.
Yo, so Maburaho is about this
Harry Potter fucker who goes to Hogwarts and then gets three
bitches hangin' on him just so's they can get into his pants.
But the boy's gay, so like that ain't gonna fly. To explain
the rest of this shit would hurt my brain too much, so instead
I'd like to fuckin' cover one part of this so called piece of
entertainment that perplexed my black ass more than the actual
question of "why the fuck did this show get made in the
first fuckin' place?!" My perplexion comes from the fact
that those little bitch and bastard witches can only use magic
a certain number of fuckin' times before they's gone all combustible
and shit, 'ight? Some can use magics like 200,000 times in they's
life... Which is a mothafuckin' LOT. That's one magic trick
a day for like 548 years. They're nice and covered. But, the
majority can only use them's spells 8,000 times before they
go all *Poof!*. That's only one magic thingy a day for 22 years.
And considering the fucks in that Hogwarts throw magic around
like 200 times per episode, pretty much everybody gonna
die before they're legally able to drink a nice, cold Colt45.
What a cryin' shame. You know, I might actually shed a tear
for those sad fucks, but I din't like even one of them the whole
show. They was all worse assholes than that goddamn robot the
Rossman keeps locked up in his garage. Fuck 'em all.
This show sucked. I award it no points,
and may God have mercy on its soul.
|
