Rossman Reviews and Ratings
Rossman Reviews and Ratings
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If you don't know what a "claymore" is, look it the fuck up
I swear I'm not lighter than a duck!
The Doomed ROSSMAN

potential (po·ten·tial) — adjective

1. possible, as opposed to actual
2. capable of being or becoming
3. Grammar. expressing possibility

used in a sentence:
The anime Claymore had fucking INCREDIBLE potential; too bad it shit all over itself at the very end like a mongoloid who forgot to wear his adult diaper that day.

Now, let the review begin.

Claymore pissed me off so many times and for so many reasons throughout its run — some good some bad. The good pissed off occasions were when unexpected things happened and I didn't want them to happen (like, for example, that big surprise in episode 8), but the drama that those moments added to the show was unmistakably awesome. Honestly, I was so pissed after episode 8 that I was shaking. I had a nightmare that night after watching it, wherein I was there, in the show, but I couldn't do anything to alter the events as they played out. THAT'S how you tick off your audience but keep them hooked.

The BAD instances of pissed offness occurred in the last 5 episodes. Even if I didn't tell you you'd still figure out that this is when the whole storyline veers away from the original manga plot. Everything that was so carefully constructed up until this point is shat upon and then flushed down the sewer like... like.... Fuck! I can't even think of anything fecally enough! It's such a total disappointment how it all simply falls apart in the end like that. And they don't even END it either! You know how some shows that catch up to where the original manga is in its storyline make up their own ending, and at least it's done, finished. That televised tale is told. You can go on with your lives. Nope, not Claymore. They left it WIDE THE FUCK OPEN. So my question is this: Why the fuck bother? Why bother making up your own ending if you're STILL leaving everything open for a sequel? Why not just keep following the original storyline and then leave us hanging from that (superior) tale's cliffhanger? What a goddamn shame — mostly because things were going so well up until episode 21. Well, I mean things were going well for us, the viewers, not for Clare and the rest of her Claymore buddies.

So, you ponder, what exactly is Claymore about? Good question. The world of Claymore goes a little something like this: It's the Middle Ages, and Yoma are pretty much fucking everywhere. Yoma are big, strong, really ugly demons that can hide in villages in human form, and who like to eat the innards of the people around them. But Yoma put out an aura called a "yoki," which is invisible to the eye, but which Claymores (blonde women with super powers given to them by an Organization that infuses human chicks with Yoma flesh, turning them into halfbreed monsters themselves) can sense, which allows them to track down said people-eating Yomas and kill them. For a hefty fee of course.

Things seem to be going alright for Clare, the protagonist and lowest ranking Claymore in the Org., but soon she meets up with human pipsqueak Raki (who's brother was recently devoured and then impersonated by a Yoma) and lets him tag along as her personal cook. This may sound lame, but Raki is actually quite a tough little dude (mid-teenager I'd say). This relationship between him and frost queen Clare (well, ALL Claymores are cold as fuck bitches) was quite enjoyable to see acted out. He's not a whiner, he takes his lumps and doesn't bitch about them, and he helps his sister-figure in realistic ways (well, realistic for this series I mean).

But of course, this being a show that's pretty much Berserk with chicks, you simply know that bad things loom on the horizon. In Clare's case these bad things are the possibility of her going over her power limit (which would cause her to lose control of the Yoma side of her and turn into a complete demonic asshole [aka an "awakened being"]), and the subsequent negative effects and doomed missions this causes the Organization to put her on since she's no longer stable. Thankfully that's what Raki is there for. Raki helps Clare to keep her head, and he helps her to control the rage that comes with overextending her Yoma-side. Yeah, it sounds lame, but it plays out well (and not cringe-inducing) in the show proper.

Anyway, Clare spends her time hunting down a specific awakened being (who is as psycho and assholic as they come), evading death by mentally unstable fellow Claymores, trying to find out the secret of the Organization and why things are the way they are, and making BFFs with other Silver-Eyed Witches (slang for Claymores, which is actually just a term that normals made up for the halfbreeds because of their choice of armament; they really have no official name for their Org... just FYI in case there was a test later) who share her dreams of not dying horribly in battle. And man oh man do they die horribly. This show had some of the most gruesome moments of gritty and heinous violence I have seen in a long ass time. And (until the last few episodes) they're used sparingly so every instance still packs a punch.

Now let me dive into what I really didn't care for in this show. I think there is more stuff I dislike than stuff I do, to be frank. I did not like all the extraneously overused shots of two warriors running at each other, swinging their swords as they pass, and then stopping just behind the other, waiting full seconds before one of the duelers has their body erupt in a volcano of blood and body bits. I did not like how every goddamn Claymore looked alike — they're all blonde with silver eyes, and their names even started blurring together by the end — and when there are 47 of them in total, that just leads to oodles of chaotic confusion. I did not like the Dragon Ball Z effect of the bad guys and the subsequent reactions they caused in Clare: Meaning that each bad guy we meet is IMPOSSIBLY stronger than the previous, but our plucky protagonist somehow comes up with the much needed power-up to defeat them after getting kicked around for a few episodes. Oh, and once Clare starts to release her potential (and become Super-Saiyajin Clare) it's inevitable that the current baddie then states "Oh! Well, if you're really that strong then I guess I'll have to get SERIOUS! Grrrr! Now you have no chance of winning!!!!!!!11one!" Ugh, so cliche. Five bucks says you know what Clare is able to do after that. I did not like how some of the Claymores' abilities and skills are forgotten later in the series — like Clare's ability to read the Yoki of very powerful beings... She honed that skill just to kill her sworn enemy, and then when she faces said enemy she completely pulls a blonde and forgets all about it.

And the number one thing that I did not like about Claymore was that Raki (that manly little dude himself) was turned into the biggest pussified, pathetic, girly choad of douchebag by series end. This is the number one clue that the anime veered from the manga: Raki changes gender by the last episode. Instead of letting Clare end the life of the most wicked and foul mental fuck up on the planet (what she's waited her whole life to do, and this mental fuck up being the murderer of thousands of humans), Raki jumps in front of her and won't let Clare kill the beast, the MONSTER. He's witnessed Clare take down hundreds of disgusting creatures like this final one throughout their journey, but this one, because at the end it looks human and afraid, he defends. The Yoma who killed his brother was human looking, but he had no problem with that. Oh, and the best part is because of his FUCKING RETARDED AND PANSY-LIKE actions the foul mental fuck up gets away in the end and one of Clare's best friends gets killed by her instead. Yeah, thanks, Raki, you're helping. Bizarro!

Yes, I just ruined the ending. You didn't need to see it anyway. I find that I have to give Claymore 2.5 out of 5 Swords of Sorcery. It started out fun, became quite engaging (despite having many moments of banality), then whimpered itself to sleep. Hopefully they'll finish up animating the plot (as nothing was really resolved in the end either) and pretend that the last 5 eps never occurred when the manga finishes up its run... Or fuck it, I'll just read the manga. I advise you to do the same.


Um, didn't we already watch this show. Honestly, they all blend together after a while, but this one seemed very familiar to me. All the demons, the big swords, the plotting and backstabbing... Or was it a video game I'm thinking of? Fuck it, hot chicks with big weapons killing the shit out of everything is always pretty hot. That ending was fairly ghey, but up till then, hot, hot, hot! Didn't that Clairol chick even bathe with that Raki kid at one point? Or am I just remembering what I want to remember? I think I'm going to remember that she brought her sword in the tub as well, and that she used the handle to clean out her... Well, maybe I'll just save that memory for later on tonight.

Good stuff! I wonder if there's any kind of porno comics made about this show though... Oh, who am I kidding, of COURSE there is. Bless you, Japan, Land of the Perverts!

ANGRY "the Dagger" AMY

Does the Rossman honestly think that he's doing me a favor by making me watch this shit? "Oh, there's a woman lead in this show. I should blackmail Amy into watching it with us. That will make everybody happy." Shoot me now. Better yet, eviscerate me like all those characters in this show so that all the pain and suffering caused by that death will allow me to earn a better life the next time I'm reincarnated. And maybe, just maybe, the gods will see fit not to make me know the Rossman in my next life.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but that show with the guy named "Guts" was actually better than this stupid filth.