Code Name: Evil Ducks
File Name: Scrooge, Huey, Dewey, and Louie
Primary Team Rossman Specialty: Pissing me off.
Goal in Life: I'm guessing to drive me fucking bat shit loco.

These are the ducks in question. The one on the right is their leader. I call him "Scrooge McFuckMyAss". He's the one that tells the rest of them how loud to quack at night and how many craps to take on my newspaper every morning. I wish that a dog with AIDs would fuck him and he'd die.

The other two pictured are Huey and Louie. I don't know where Dewey was, but he was probably boobie-trapping my car to blow up again the next time I try to run them over when they waddle into my front yard when I'm just out for the day but they think I've left for good. One day... One day I'll get them all for good! Yeah, my life is sad, but I fucking LOATHE these creatures.

Evil Ducks plague our world, and more specifically the pond behind my house. They like to quack all night long in order to keep me up so that I can't get any sleep before work, chili cook-offs, dates, pretend dates, parties, and beer festivals. I can even hear them laughing at me in my dreams. They think that they're so fucking cool, but the truth is that nobody likes them.

A few months ago I gave Robot Pedro permission to shoot to kill with one of Bob from the Future's laser guns, and he did. I saw their charred remains myself and they were all deader than Kuni's sex life. But that night they were back to their old, annoying quacking games. Either they were resurrected in some perverse ritual performed by some duck lovers to the Goat god Pslypthycornicus or.... well that's the only reasonable explanation I could come up with. Oh! Or they're goddamn ZOMBIE ducks. Holy fuck on a stick -- I think I'm on to something here. Damn it! How does one kill a fucking zombie duck?

I wish that they would either die for good or just leave my pond and die for good. I once even saw them eat an entire baby, so don't feel too sorry for them.

Evil Duck Quote: "QUAAAACK! Quack quack quack! QUAAACK!" (Translation: "Tonight the unbelievers shall die.")


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