Blood Type O
Clinical Diagnosis:
Sane (barely... no, scratch that: Bonkers, with a slight hint of cheese)

The Rossman is the core of Team Rossman (whether anybody else agrees or even cares). He is usually found throwing back a few in his familiar booth at the Sea Wench Pub; though at times he can be found bumming food off of friends, watching TV, drinking at home, chasing Jimmy Jammer through the woods with a shotgun, drinking at friends' houses, learning to speak "pirate" with the Skipper while drinking at the docks, selling body parts to Dr. Dave, selling souls to the Devil, drinking with Dr. Dave and the Devil, or getting dragged off on another adventure by Catsy.

The Rossman's basic philosophy is this: "Sit back, and enjoy life for what it is... But always wear a cup, 'cause sometimes life likes to go for the baby-making-grapes."

The Rossman invented setting a bag of dog shit on fire on a person's doorstep... setting it on fire AFTER he stuffed the person's head in it. He invented this on Jimmy Jammer.

The Rossman's favorite year ever was his senior year in high school, but he did not in fact go to Polk High and he did not in fact ever score four touchdowns in one game.

The only celebrity who Karen will actually let the Rossman sleep with if the opportunity ever arose is Sarah Jessica Parker... No wait, I meant Bea Arthur (easy mistake to make).

The Rossman's favorite movie (in which all the actresses keep on all their clothes and don't in fact "fuck like bunnies on meth") is Brain Donors. Seriously. Give it a chance -- it stars "the Jesus" for God's sake!

The Rossman considers himself lucky every day that Karen does not find his secret stash of... stuff... behind the fake plank, third from the back in his closet.

The Rossman is in fact classified as "animal," but with parts of him being categorized as "mineral." The parts of him that are "rock hard!" Oh yeah, baby!

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