All women ever do with their lives is try to take from men. And they never give back anything. Yeah, every once in a while they'll let you experiment with some backdoor action, but that's just a bone to toss to us... And you know that they were curious about it anyway.
They'll spend spend spend a man's money, bitch bitch bitch about how their man doesn't give them enough money, and then pick which fucking movie you go see that weekend instead of letting their guy (who's actually paying for the damn thing in the first place) get a word in edgewise. "Oh, honey, I know you work your ass off all week, get chewed out by your boss daily, commute 2 hours every morning and night, and come home every Friday with a migraine and a paycheck just for me... But I think I'm the one who needs a nap after shopping all morning for crap I don't really need, and waiting maybe 5 minutes for the kids at the bus stop after watching the 6 hour Oprah marathon all afternoon. Then I say after you cook the family dinner I choose what movie we see while we make your parents watch the children so that my parents can join us. Hmmmm, how about that REALLY GAY chick flick with that ugly girl who gets the hot guy and the mansion at the end! That's so much better than a silly movie with wizards and dragons and stuff. I know I'm right."
CHRIST ON A STICK!!! What's wrong with this world?! Just 50 years ago a woman would get pimp-slapped on her ass if she were to even suggest something that insane! Now, we men grin and bear it like domesticated cows being led to the fucking meat grinder! Women are the Devil. They've given nothing back to society except some much needed hard core pr0n and some soft core pr0n. And the only reason that they even did that much was because it was easy money and it got more guys to worship them and buy them things.
Men have become pathetic dogs who've been housetrained by years of beatings and insults. But, we can still rise above our pathetic situations and become the rulers of this world again. I'm sure that this is just a vicious cycle that comes around every so often throughout history. You know, men rule, all's right with the world... But then some hippy bitches come around and start screaming shit like, "Urrrgh! You bastards better give us some voting power and let us burn our bras! UUUURRRGH!" and the men of the time freak out a little and say, "Uh, sure, baby. You can vote and stuff, why not?" Then the womens take control, castrate the men and declare the vagina the ruling power of the planet. But, as is likely to happen very soon, the men will get sick of this tired and lazy crap that the ladies are pulling and eventually put them in their place. Back in the kitchen making glorsch and babies. And hopefully making their hooters even bigger.
What a load of horse shit. What the hell is my brother smoking? "Men are being held down by women"?! He's just bitter about Amanda dropping him like a sack of rotten potatoes two weeks ago.
Seriously, what's this all about? Am I supposed to talk about how "men stink but women are awesome" now? Because I could. I could just go on and on about how men are hairy, they scratch their balls in public, they eat eat eat and drink drink drink without a thought to their figures, they make noises out of all of their body orifices at all times of the day, they like fast cars and curvy women but can't afford either, they spend hours a day looking up naughty pictures on the internet of women who'd never even wink at them in public, they watch 75 channels at once by speed-clicking through cable, and how the only helpful thing they do around the house is hire a twelve year-old to mow the lawn, and then they bitch at how expensive the kid is.
You know what, we women could easily do things on our own. Ladies, answer me honestly now, when was the last time your man cooked a meal for you (cold cereal doesn't count)? The last time he ever gave you something... even a flower? The last time he said, "You look great, dear" without being prompted or forced to do so? That's my point really. Men don't do jack squat for women, but women are expected to "put out" on a second's notice.
Women get passed over for jobs just because they have the prefix "Ms." or "Mrs." attached to their name. We're pretty much forced to wear tight skirts and high heels every day to our jobs whether we're working at Wall Street or Tattle Tails. Men do not take us seriously simply because we have boobies. I could be giving a speech to 500 stockholders about how the end of the recession is going to pull us way into the black and slingshot us into record breaking gains over the next four quarters, but 9/10ths of my audience would be checking out my ample ta-tas and wondering what I'm wearing underneath my blazer and skirt.
We have got to stop this now! Yeah, we've got suffrage and stuff like that, but does it matter when the only candidates we can vote for are old rich white men? They're the ones who are doing their best to keep women down in the first place! Bush is a dweeb, and Kerry marries for money, divorces and marries again for MORE money. Although, in all truthfulness, I don't think I'd ever vote for Hillary if she ever ran for President... Nothing personal against the bitch, it's just I'm not sure she's really a woman.
Whoa there, woman. You may be my sister and all, but you don't seem to have your head screwed on properly in regards to the topic at hand. "When was the last time your man cooked you anything?" What the fucktardation! That should have read, "When was the last time a woman in this country got off her fat ass, went shopping, bought a steak and made a decent meal for her man who slaved away all day in a suit and tie, fought traffic jams 10 miles long and listened to the same old shit from the same lame disc jockeys day in and day out just to get a tiny paycheck just to buy her things that she claims that she needs but only really wanted to test her man with to see if he would buy her things that she didn't really even give a crap about in the first place?!" Ow! My fingers are sore. Never type when angry.
Anyway, women are lazy. Only about 50% of them are attractive in the least. Of those, only 10% can be considered gorgeous, and of those gorgeous ones only 1% would ever even let you make it to third base after spending $100 on them on a night on the town.
"Women are being oppressed," my fanny! Women rule this godforsaken world! Men are the ones who are being held down and humiliated and treated like pieces of meat in the butcher shop. Our only outlet for our frustration is the nudie bar, and if you think about it we're still being wallet-raped while there. Even in our basest form of entertainment and sanctuary we're still having our hard earned money taken away from us by women, and in the end we still don't have anything to show for it... Just a couple of crazy lap dances and maybe a trip back to the VIP room if we can get Jimmy Jammer drunk enough to not miss his lifted MasterCard (because the Cheetah Club doesn't take American Express).
Oh yeah, and men can pee standing up!
Now that's a joke! I'll tell you one thing, my brother can't pee standing up. You know how disgusting it was growing up with him in the same house? You'd never want to have to use the bathroom after him no matter what he may have been doing in there. The aftermath of him spending even 2 seconds in that room was never pretty.
Did I ever tell you about the time that he told the boy that I liked that I was an alien that our parents found and decided to raise as their own child? I was in the third grade, and Brian never talked to me again after that. Soon the whole school was talking about the "little alien girl" in Ms. Katy's class, and every recess I'd hear giggles whenever I'd turn around to chase the kickball.
Yeah, sure, my brother was made to apologize, but he did it in such a sarcastic way that soon he got everybody to believe that not only was I an alien but that I was mind controlling him and everybody else by making them believe that I didn't have octopus tentacles for arms and five eyes.
Do you know what kind of hell it was growing up with him?! What about that time he locked me in the garage for 3 hours when he was "babysitting" me and made me promise not to tell mom and dad or else he'd tell my best friend that I wanted to kiss her (which I didn't)! Or that time that he secretly put liverwurst in my bookbag and made sure we walked to school in front of the Nauert's house where they had two dobermans chained to the front porch! That's the kind of thing that can and will scar a little girl for life! But did I ever retaliate? Nope. I'm the good one. GIRLS are the good ones. We don't fight back because that would be improper. Instead, all we get to do is bitch about our sad lots in life. But someday... Someday I'll get even with him. Oh yes.
Oh ho hooooooo! You are in such deep shit now, little lady! I made you promise that you would NEVER tell about that "garage incident." I think I'll start spreading rumors about you in your office now! I know people who can get every computer, fax machine and speaker phone to announce that you like your female superior "much more than friends"! You want to test me?!
And like living with you while growing up has been a picnic. Yeah, I might have played a few pranks on you now and then, but nobody ever got hurt. You were just outright vicious when you tried to fight back. I'd call you a name, then you'd slash the tires on my bike. I'd say "I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad that you said they were meanies," and you'd set my Mad magazine collection on fire. I'd tell you that Santa wasn't coming this year because he saw when you ate some of the neighbor's dog's poo for a nickel, and you'd throw a butter knife at me while I was watching ALF. Yeah, you were the perfect little angel.
But because I was a man (well, a man-in-training), I took all your abuse and never really fought back really dirty. I knew even way back then that the only way for a guy to get through life without being driven to Russian roulette at an early age was to suffer the abuses of all the women around him without crying... And let me tell you something, I want to cry every night....