Birthday SURVIVOR!: More Reality
Than You Need
Is It Really Real, and Why Do Lazy-Fucks
Like It (Part II)?
Okay, so we already covered that "reality shows"
are far from reality and are sometimes too much show.
We also explored why people like them (they're fat, stupid and
lazy). But I'm (personally) still not impressed with the whole
idea of listening in and candidly watching a bunch of conniving
ass-lickers fight over a pittily million dollars (Seriously folks!
$1mil ain't that much anymore. I know Gordita Folders at Taco
Bell that already have close to a million bucks saved up. And
all it takes is a couple of expensive Chinese whores to wipe
the whole mil clean away in the course of one slutty/sultry night).
I only watched an episode or two of Survivor before I came up
with my own idea on how to make the whole reality show thing
take off to its true potential.
The problem is that people never think big enough. They think
"freaks stranded on an island fighting for money" and
then they stop and run with it. This is why I never truly got
into it... The show could have been a helluva lot more exciting.
Think Jurassic Survivor Park!
Those dinos are still there on that island, and there really
wouldn't be all that much real danger to contestants (hell, Jeff
Goldblum survived it twice!), it would just be perceived
danger... Up until the final episode at least, where instead
of voting somebody off they'd release a shitload of velociraptors
on the two remaining competitors and the SURVIVOR would get $1billion
(if there is a survivor, but even if their isn't, then
CBS would save a few bucks and bag a lot more viewers too!).
I say add a few scientists, a couple of paleontologists, some
doctors and then a bunch of 10-15 year olds (who've actually
seen some dinosaur movies) to the island's natural habitat and
watch the fun begin!
I can almost guarantee you that the snot nosed little brats who've
seen The Lost World and Barney will
be the ones that live the longest. This would prove to be the
most "real" of the reality shows as kids are usually
always smarter than adults in situations that concern common
sense. When a group of survivors would come upon a sleeping
thunder lizard in a clearing the adult scientists would say "Hmmm,
look at those rows and rows of sharp incisors. I bet this dinosaur
eats the meat of little Galliomiseassiussaurus... Let's get a
closer look while we hit it with sticks and rocks to see for
sure." While the movie-savvy kids would already be high-tailing
it up the closest 60 foot tree.