Enter The C.H.U.D.Fest (2000)... page 2
(No, that is NOT the Rossman in the picture above)
Evil is evil. It's that simple. And on the night of CHUDFest 2000 I, the Rossman, was evil. "Wacky, out of control" evil, but evil non the less. Everything kooky or bad that would happen that night (i.e. party fouls, people missing the trash can while acting like caucasian basketball players taking a three point shot or even party-goers just tripping on the carpet) I would say "Whoa! Now that's evil!" I couldn't say it enough! People would first look at me when I'd say it like I was a loon, but then they'd see my devil horns and evil mustache and they'd fall to their knees in fits of cachinnation. That's the kind of party atmosphere that the Rossman just loves to be a part of... To tell the truth though, the rest of the night is kinda hazy. I'll do my best to recall important facts, but they might be a bit "out of focus". Apologies in advance.
I remember going out on the back patio for some air later
on. Lots of people were outside relaxing and telling jokes. I
of course told the Chi-Chi joke and acted the whole thing out
as only Colin and I can do... Well, as only Colin can really
do right, but I do try;). I had just sat back down on my lawn
chair exhausted after performing the joke when we heard a commotion
from the back door of the house. A guy in a wheel chair was trying
to get out but he was having trouble with the sliding glass.
A few of us helped him through and made a space for him in our
circle to join us underneath the tiki-torches' bright light of
We all laughed at Timmy for a bit but then he left us for
greener pastures and less smelly people. We had nothing left
to discuss really, so then I hunted down Mikey. I knew that Mikey
would be able to keep the evening's funness going at full speed.
After searching high and low I found him in front of his computer
playing EnemaQuest with a bunch of other online losers, I mean
"luckies". Nah, I won't kid myself, that was pretty
damn lame. Who the fuck plays online role playing games in the
middle of CHUDFest?! What kind of shit eating donkey raping ass
spellunker do you have to be to abandon a fun gathering of drunkenness
and debauchery to join an imaginary and electronic fake world
in somebody's goddamn mainframe?!?!.... No offense, Mike.
Man! The next thing I knew it was three hours later, some of my clothes were missing and my fists were all bloody and scraped. I found my shirt in the neighbor's yard (inside the dog house for some evil reason) and my horns were on somebody's mailbox down the street. I also had powder burns on my finger tips and thought that Phil might have had something to do with it (I remember a bit too much of New Year's to let that slide). I couldn't find him anywhere, but I soon forgot about my problem (s) as I joined Dance Party Greenwood already in progress. I remember jumping around a lot for a few hours there, but that's basically it. Somebody (don't remember who exactly) tried to convince me that he saw me do some things over the past few hours that I know I never would have ^o^. What a nutty nutcase. I simply told him that he must've been seeing things and not to worry the other guests with his overly active imagination ;). He soon saw it my way and never said another word.
Soon the time warp began (it was Daylight Savings Time.... or did DLST just end?... Who really gives a rat's ass, the point is the clocks fell back and we gained an hour [which kinda made up for me losing a few]) and I was feeling a bit out of it. I have got to learn to pace myself better next time. Well, time seemed to fly for me during the next few hours and I only have a few scant memories of some pretty weird things going on that I swear I had little (if anything) to do with. For example:
Everybody ran from the kitchen to the stairway when we heard that some chick was "licking Jackie". That was pretty fucked up. I can't even think of anything more screwed up to say about it.
Then the evil mustache started jumping from person to person all the while spreading the evil like a virus. An evil virus.
I don't really remember this, but it looks pretty cool. I wonder if the mustache was involved in any way.
After all that evil somebody finally remembered to put C.H.U.D.
into the VCR. I couldn't make it all the way through though (seeing
as it really sucks and I had already collapsed about 12 times
that night). So I dragged my sorry arse up to Mikey's room and
claimed a small rectangle of floorspace as my own. Despite getting
kicked around, stepped on, having the door opened into me several
times and a scare of somebody almost vomiting on me I had a pretty
good night's sleep. During the course of the night the evil that
was in me slowly (but not too quietly) escaped. Nobody seemed
to notice (except the kid who crashed closest to me).