Take a ride on the WILD side!

Part 1
3/19/1998 The Night of the Demon Goddesses
(As told by Oni-chan and Catsy)

-"The day began like any other Thursday morning: I woke up in my cage at 7:30a.m., picked the lock with my tail (hey, I've gotten pretty good at it over the past eight months^_^), feasted on my usual breakfast (an over-ripe O-tek-ku brain) and went to my stylist (and best bud) for a do. While I was sitting in the chair waiting for Catsy to tie that cool little apron around my neck to keep my purple hair from making me itch, I mentioned that I thought I looked like Kyoko Otanashi. All I needed was a little 'Piyo Piyo' chick on the front at the top."

-"Neow. It was then when I remembered what my brother's girlfriend's cousin's math tutor's waiter at Chile's last night had overheard the Rossman saying as he was chowin' down his Awesome Blossom. He heard him say that he was gunna bum outta town and head up to the new con in North Carolina tomorrow!"

-"You mean on Thursday, the day after the waiter heard it, which was the day I saw you. Right?"

-"So anyway, I mentioned this to Oni-chan and she went, like, ballistic with a bunch of cool plans on how we could go with him. At least that's what I thought I heard her say."

-"As usual, Catsy heard me wrong. I said that we should hide in the back of the Rossman's car and hijack it when he was well on his way, leave him for dead on the roadside, and then see how many birds of prey tried to eat his guts when we come back, after we went to the Animazement thingy and spent all of his money on cool stuff."

-"Hmmmm. It sounded like she's done something like this before-tcha."

-"So, we ran over to the Rossman's place, found his automobile (I guess that's what it was, although it looked more like a blitzkrieg tank) and hid in the back seat. After a while the Rossman finally showed up and the excellent adventure began. He got on 85 Northbound and started driving slower than Sagami Rei from Kodocha (trust me, he drives sloooooooooow:-("

-"It was a little past Greenville, SC when we couldn't take it any more. We would probably have gotten there by that time if we had been driving. I turned to Oni-chan to see what she wanted to do when she nodded, whispered something about 'kicking ass' and 'being out of bubblegum' and jumped out of her hiding space behind the driver's seat. I never before heard such a high-pitched squeal of scaredness come from a man before-tcha! The Rossman sounded like a ten-year-old girl as she started beating him up and finally threw him out the window kicking and screaming all the while. I had to grab the wheel during this display of girlishness so that we didn't crash. Neow."

-"If we crashed, the Tank would've only hurt the other cars. Anyway, we drove for about thirty more minutes at 95-96 miles per hour when we decided that we were hungry and we pulled into a Hardee's right off the highway. Flo must've quit Mel's Diner cause she was working off of I-85 now. As she gave us our order I told her to 'Kiss my grits'..... She didn't think it was very funny."

-"I laughed! I even had Sprite shoot out of my nose^_^"

-"I know, Catsy. I know. Anywho, I got a Monster Burger Combo and Meow-girl had a Boss Burger Combo thinking it had something to do with Boss Hogg (it didn't). Well, although Hardee's food was ten times greasier than Carl's Jr (I got some 'secret sauce' on my skin and it left a welt!) it just goes to prove that greasier isn't always a better thing. Although I did get to taste it 2 or 3 times more before I left the can and we got back on the road.
  We were about two miles away from the restaurant when we noticed that the Rossman had brought his portable CD player and a bunch of anime CDs for the trip. We were happy@_@"

-"I put in the Giant Robo Episode 6 soundtrack followed by some really neat-oh Bubblegum Crisis Complete Vocals Collection volumes 1 and 2. We began jammin' when we began to see a bunch of road signs for something called Kings Mountain. I got really excited 'cause I had never even seen royalty before, so I begged Oni-chan to help me look for it.
  After more signs than for South Of The Border, it arose before us like a pimple on a gnat's butt. What a joke! After all that anticipation even!! It was more like a mound! I wanted to see a f***ing mountain and they made such a huge deal about it and all it was was just a tiny lil' bump smaller than a witch's -!"

-"Whoa there, tex! Don't go psycho on me now. I have no idea what the deal is, but apparently the North Carolinians love this ant hill for some reason or another, so we won't insult it anymore. Right, Catsy?"

Kings Mountain..... Oh joy.
The majestic peak of Mt. Muldoon, uh Kings Mountain.... I think I have to visit it again just to take it all in.

An even better view.

-"And above is a better view of the *ahem* mountain, just so you could say 'I've really seen King's Mountain now!'..... What? Dammit, Catsy! you got your thumb on the camera lens in the second picture! You almost ruined the majesty of the whole moment!"

-"Stop yelling at me!!!!"

-"Anyway, we were making great time and would have made it there by six o'clock when, er, something happened."

-"Yeah, you got lost."

-"It could've happened to anybody."

-"You got lost on I-85! It's a freaking highway! It's a straight road!!"

-"I thought I saw another sign for King's Mountain. I, uh wanted to get a better look at it. Uh, all those big cars confused me... I don't get out much. I, er, uh - Hey! Wait a minute. You can't yell at me, I did let you drive after that, remember?"

-"Why did you have to bring that up? They don't gots ta know about that. Heh, heh, trust me, folks, Oni-chan's just a little dillusional right now because of the whole Kings Mountain fiasco."

-"Dillusional, huh? Well I think that the readers would like to know what happened right after we encountered the mysterious Highway 40 disappearing, reappearing traffic jam..."

-"Yeah, I drove like Speed Racer in the powerful Mach 10."

-"My point, it's only supposed to be the Mach 5."

-"Whatever. I got us there. I-"

-"Hold it! Remember the Beltway?"

-"What Beltway?"

-"Exactly! You missed it! We would have made it by six, but instead we learned the ins and outs of Raleigh while cruising around like it was Freaknik! We missed the right road five times.
  Finally, we arrived at the hilton at 6:25 and checked in immediatly. We then got into our right room at 6:41 (They originally tried to get us to take one with only a single bed. We only got our real temp pad when I explained the difference between demon and cat-girls and lesbians.... i.e. We're not the same thing [not that there's anything wrong with that])."

We finally fucking made it!  Oops, I guess I should have said "arrived".
We finally made it to the N. Raleigh Hilton. Well, at least our room didn't smell.

-"Neow. We got downstairs and picked up our preregistration packet at 6:50. I was totally surprised that there was no line. At that time there were only around fifteen people waiting for the Meet The Guests gathering (Oni-chan and me included). We both got a con T-shirt and then waited. And waited a little more. I wanted my guests! Why didn't they come out?!?"

The smelling game soon began (i.e. whose otaku funk was the best/worst).
Right before the fit hit the shan, uh, I mean the guests arrived on Thursday night.

-"Maybe you scared them when you heaved that enormous otaku out the picture window for getting a head start on his A.T.Otaku-funk-field. How did you lift and throw seven hundred pounds of flesh anyway, Catsy? You've been working out again with those giant sub-space mallets, haven't you."

-"Just the small ones-tcha. Anyway, the attendees and guests started arriving at 7:30 and first and foremost I had to meet Yasuhiro Imagawa-sensei (the master of all that is anime). So, since Oni-chan was bragging so much over the past few months about how good a friend she is with him, I wanted her to introduce me."

-"He must have been through a terrible ordeal (or else he just blocked me out of his memory for one reason or another) because he acted like he didn't know me and he started to shudder in fear when I tried to get close to him. Although, most people do that when I approach them too, so I could just be reading into things too much.
  Anyway, this is the point in which Catsy and I made complete asses of ourselves."

-"Wha-wha-wha-wha-WHAT?! Look, sister, you are not dragging me down with your hebetudinousness! It was you and only you who had the guys laugh at you.
  I got the three Japanese guests all posed and ready to go for the perfect picture when you couldn't get the flash to work. You just kept clicking the auto-shudder open and closed to get the Rossman's camera to work, but it wasn't until the three of them started giggling like little sailor dressed school girls and pointing at you that you got the hint. Imagawa himself came to your rescue when he said, "Lensu capu." Ha ha ha! You should've seen your face! Ha ha! I wish that I had the camera so that I could have taken your picture."

-"Shut up, kitty! I got the picture, didn't I? They were so stiff after posing for five minutes that they couldn't get away, and I eventually got it at the small price of my integrity.

The Tres Muskateros!
Tashifumi Inagawa, Yasuhiro Imagawa and Nov. Takahashi containing their outbursts of laughter over two gaijin who don't know how to work one of their cameras.

  After that, to my total surprise, Catsy and I met and began talking to a bunch of American Seiyuu. Now, I still hate dubs 'cause they don't even try to translate things even close to the original so that mainstream America will buy the stuff, but I had to admit that it could not possibly be the fault of the voice actors."

-"Neow. These guys and gals were funny as hades! They were telling great stories about working in the dubbing studios and then they got into a conversation about classic Scooby Doo episodes^_^ I love Scooby."

-"Doobee doo bee doo..."

-"Stop it!! You know I hate that Bud Ice penguin! He's psychotic and I think he lives in my closet!!! Stop it!!!!...... Anyway, they unamimously agreed that Scooby started to really suck after Scrappy showed up on the scene, and they thought it would have made things ten times better if only Shaggy could understand Scooby, and only after he had a 'Scooby Snack' himself-tcha."

Damn that flash is bright!  Why couldn't the Rossman have packed THIS camera for LA?
Urd, Crusher Joe, Kami-sama and Belldandy (gawd I hope I got that right!).

-"Doobee doo bee dooooooo...."

-"Don't make me have to kick your ass again, Oni."

-"Empty threats. Empty promises. After snorting enough (at least Catsy) along with their jokes, the American seiyuu had to stand over there or something. So then we snuck into the Dealers' Room and looked around.

The silence was palpable.
It was kinda creepy to see a Dealers' Room without any products. Mommy? Mommy! I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare Mommy!!!

  It was too creepy to look around and not see any CDs, UFO catchers, wall scrolls, or mini-mecha in a place that we knew should have them in full display.... so we went to check out the Art Room, but guess what -"

Doh!  No art....yet.
Shtool!!! I guess the con really doesn't start til Friday.

-"Good guess. Neow. No toys and no art. We were ready for it to begin at that moment! But we had to wait a day like the pitiful mere mortals all around us. So we decided to head on up to our room and catch the last half of Seinfeld. Then at 9:30 we went to Subway while Oni-chan continuously complained about not being able to eat a Carl's Jr burger. A few subs later we went back to the Hilton and planned out the next three days down to the minute with the schedule that came in our membership packets."

-"Then, we crashed. It had been a looooooong day, but we knew that we needed sleep if we were to survive three more days of constant funness and exhaustedness."

Seeya tomorrow, mina-san!
 Part 1: 3/19/1998 The Night of the Demon Goddesses
 Part 2: 3/20/1998 The Night the Earth Stood Still
 Part 3: 3/21/1998 The Moonlight Night
Part 4: 3/21/1998
Part II
The Night of a Thousand CosPlays
Part 5: 3/22/1998 The Illusory Night

 The dawn of the night

 the next night

 Go back to the beginning of the Beautiful Illusory Nights.

 Go forward into the Great Wide Open. 

After this page, check out Oni-chan's original Excellent Adventure @ AX97

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