Doc, I have bad news for your side business!
What? My hookers died?! Oh no!
Um, no, your OTHER side business.
My supply of lead dried up and now I can't make any more hollow-point "cop killer" bullets anymore?! Oh NO!
I mean the other business... But not the dog fighting or the celebrity impersonators...
........................................... My... My "distribution corporation?"
Well, there is bad news about your special crop that you have growing in 10,000 acres in the wilds of the Appalachian, but--
Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooddammit. Really? What happened? Did my Mexicans smoke it all?
Nope. It's gone legit. Pot's being legalized, amigo! So it's no longer cool to smoke it. But what I meant was--
How the goddamn fuck does this happe--... Oh no... The hippies won, didn't they? Oh no! No no no no no! Fetch me my shotgun, boy... It is time.
This is just a wake-up call, Doc. Get out of that pussy business, and get into the heroin, blue-madness, and bloody eye! It's the wave of the future!
Um, doesn't blue-madness have a 100% fatality rate?
What are you, Johnny Cage? So the market keeps dying off, at least you'll have a shit-ton of death's on your hands to go out in a blaze of glory with!
Why I NEVER! I'm a DOCTOR, dear Druggle! A man of the cloth! I only grew my Mary Jane in order to help those with glaucoma and herpes and shit! And to get laid. I did NOT do it as some sick way to rack up bodies on some sort of a perverted dead-pool! Unless the gay elf was a victim.
Yay! He said my name!
GENTLEMEN... and I use that term loosely, we have bigger fish to fry. What I've been trying to say is that because of North Korea's insane leadership, the rest of the world has put a death grip on anything and everything going in and coming out of that messed up little backwards nation.
....................... Whaaaaat? Are you tellin' me.... Are YOU tellin' me that because Kim Jung Um, or Il, or Dung, or whatever... Are you tellin' ME that because he's gone all cray-cray he's caused a disruption in my child labor factories that provide name brand electronics and tennis shoes for the world at a much-needed discount!?
That's... That makes me feel a little sick. Goddamn capitilist pig governments, holding the little dictator down!... That's just so fucked up... Seriously, I don't feel too goods....
Hit me with options, my wing man. What can we do to avoid a horrible 4th quarter drop in productivity? We're screwed, aren't we? FUCKIN' SCREWED!!
Guys! GUYS!! CHILL! I know it's horrible that the Doc has child labor in North Korea--
Hey! Cheap shot! Let he who is without sin cast the first cop-killer round! *CLICK*
Let me finish... I know it's horrible that the Doc has child labor in North Korea and NO PLACE ELSE...
Thank you.
But we have the power to change the world, and it's all at our fingertips! Think about it. All you're missing at this time, Doc, is the "child" part of the child labor, right?
Get to the point, little man. You've got two minutes before I start hating you and wanting to beat you over the head with a green lead pipe again.
Well, look out the window... What do you see?
I dunno... Hmmmm. Trees. Birds. A marmot. A snake, no, that's a stick. Oh, and a school filled with kindergarteners through 5th graders.
Uh huh! And Mega Man still has 300 pounds of Halloween candy left over from last year...
Mega Man likes cand--
Shut the fuck up! You're out of your element, Mega Man!
And Druggle still has that windowless van with "Lost puppy" posters papering the outside of it, and you still have that abandoned warehouse down by the docks that you used to use for dog and cock fights, right, Doc?
Kid! You're a genius! Druggle! Grab your keys and that giant net! We're going fishin' for toddlers!
Sigh... I just sat down at my computer and took my pants off, and well...... Meh, screw it! Live is 110% better than digital! Let's roll!
I love helping people, and I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE children. Life is good.

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This Page is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Though, of course, NONE of the characters are belong to him. They are all the property of the rich and powerful Japanese Yakuza (known as Nintendo Corporation), and neither the Yakuza nor the big N support this page or probably even want it up. The opinions on this page are not necessarily the Rossman's either (and they sure as hell ain't Nintendo's). He did create all of the graphics from memory and scratch and he is using them in a purely "satire-rific" manner, in order to be funny and make people laugh. So LAUGH, damn you!