 The ROSSMAN (He's on the right)
Traffic was about a bunch of people
with drug problems. Well, some were addicted to them, others
were selling them, still others were
trying to get people to stop using and selling them, and a
young white girl was getting fucked by every male in Ohio.
It's basically
set up something like this: Catherine Zeta-Jones was the wife
of a drug selling dude who hung out with some G-Men who were
trying to get the guy who said "War... It's faaaaaantastic!" in Hot Shots! Part Deux to go to court and convict Mr.
Zeta-Jones in the movie (not Michael Douglas) while Michael
Douglas himself was trying to get the U.S. to say that drugs
were bad while his daughter got high every night with that kid
from That 70s Show and screwed till the sun came up.
Benicio Del Torro has a cool name and he single-handedly did
more against drugs in the last ten minutes of the movie than
all the police officers and government people have done in 20
years in real life.
Lots of stuff
happened in this movie. People got shot, stoned, blow'd up and
sexed up. But it was also surprisingly boring. Lots of talky
talky going on. I think it was trying to be a preachy movie
but the only message that I got was that if a Mexican likes
baseball enough he'll screw over Cheech and Chong if he has
to in order to watch nine innings in peace. Oh yeah, can they
even show a girl who is playing a 16 year old getting fucked
by a big black nekkid guy on film? Well, I mean I guess they
can, I just never realized that half the Megaplayboy's porn
collection really was legal then.
I give
Traffic 2 1/2 out of 5 Stars-of-Coulda-Been-Excellence. It would have gotten more if Zeta-Jones wasn't pregnant
in
the movie
and wore tight clothes or nothing like in Entrapment.
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KUNI
This movie
is all about drugs. How can you not like drug movie?! I think
I did drugs with that girl. She liked my drugs. I gave her free
drugs and she said that I am the king of the world! I touched
her booby and she liked that too. This movie had many good things
with drugs but I don't remember many boobies. More boobies would
be a nicer movie. I can dig it, mother fucker!!! I like this
movie to a thumbs up. FOOL!!
(Note
from the Rossman: Kuni doesn't really know what drugs are, and
he certainly never touched a girl's booby in his life)
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the MEGAPLAYBOY
Yo, beezatch!
This movie sucked ding dong. I was down with all the trip-hoppin'
and teeny-bopper boppin' action with the bullets flyin' and
babies cryin' and all that, but then it had to get all preachy
and bitchy. I mean like hey, I know that daddies don't like
it when no pusher puts the smooth moves on his teenaged party
girl. I got pictures! I don't need no movie pointin' in my
face
and saying that I'm illin' for that shiznet. Fuck you, you
horse rapin' whores! Write me a movie about me fuckin' some
Charlie's
Angels and snortin' the dope and make me the muthafuckin' hero
and then I'll spend another $8 at the theater.
But
until then Traffic gets a negative 2 thumbs down. And those
film makers can lick my nuts!
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