 The Very Doomed
ROSSMANGreatest ending to any movie EVER. EVER. Seriously,
I'm still in shock after having witnessed it. Wow!
Well, the opening ain't that shabby either, but
the ending... Wowzers. Nothing can compete.
Anyway, Takashi Miike is well known for his
bizarre theatrical presentations. Whether it be Ichi
the Killer, Audition or
(especially) The
Happiness of the Katakuris, Takashi has
learned to put story second and style and lunacy first. Well,
honestly I'm sure he more often than not says "Fuck style"
too and just runs with the freakish images and tones.
Now, I'm actually going to contradict myself
a bit here, but bear with me... Dead or Alive is
actually a very straight forward yakuza movie. Yeah, throughout
the whole
thing we have little tastes of Takashi's warped thinking coming
into play (examples of which are the guy in the bird costume
getting shot to shit with the rest of a doomed mob birthday
party, and the entirety of the crazy but cool opening 5 minutes),
but the whole thing
is pretty much just a gritty "dirty cops versus dirtier
yakuza"
flick. But, it's totally the ending that makes you realize
that yes, this is a 100% Takashi Miike mindfuck movie. I truly
did not see that ending coming. I don't know how anybody could
have. Even after me warning you over and over again you will
still shit your pants when you see how things end up. I rewound
the last 5 minutes 3 times in a row I was so unsure of what
just happened. Then I laughed. I laughed so damn hard that
I almost fainted. I couldn't catch my breath at all just thinking
about the pure beauty of such a unique ending. The last scene
of the movie just kept escalating. I was in awe at how anybody
could have put together such a fantastic and utterly perfect
finish on what was up until that point an average to almost-great
feature. My hat's off to you, Mr. Takashi Miike. You are most
definitely a directing GOD.
Okay, my nose is far enough up Takashi's ass
now, so let me cover the rest of the movie. As I stated earlier,
the opening 5 minutes of Dead or Alive were
just an explosion of visual coolness. The credits are set up
music video style
(with fast paced, quick editing, and in-your-face visuals),
and they had me completely hooked from the moment that naked
hooker
took a swan
dive into the middle of the crowded street. Then there was
the guy doing a line of coke the length of a basketball court
(see title graphic at the top), and my favorite part, some
fat fuck who just after stuffing his face with gallons of noodles
got
a
shotgun
blast
into his back and through
his stomach, spilling forth all of the ramen he just scarffed
like soggy candy out of an obese piñata. Oh man, that
image will really stick with you!
The basic plot, as I followed it, goes a little
something like this: Two crime syndicates in Shinjuku are trying
to make peace, but a renegade group of punks with Chinese ancestors
is trying to beat them both into the ground, while a crooked
cop with a daughter who needs an expensive operation is trying
to break all the hostilities up while making a quick buck on
the side. Typical Japanese mob movie plot. There are a few
twists and turns throughout, but because Takashi telegraphs
you everything as you watch you pretty much know what's going
to happen minutes before the characters do. Seriously, all
everyone who watches one of Takashi's movies ever
wants to see is the "shocking" over-the-top moments
that make you twist in your seat and contort your face like
your
St. Bernard
just let loose a whopper smelling of ripe Puppy Chow right
next to you, but you don't want to say anything because it
might
hurt
his
feelings
and
you
know that he could rip your throat out in a millisecond if
he ever got the blood-urge. I'll give you a taste of some of
the over-the-top moments in DoA just to put
you at ease and let you know that Takashi didn't slide on any
of
his patented grossness
due to laziness or anything. But I won't tell you the specifics
of the disturbings so that you can still be surprised and shocked
when you see them in action.
- Scat bath
- Banana puking
- Cum gargler
- Man pulling his own cut-up arm the fuck off
I mean, if these examples (along with the knowledge
that the ending will rock your ass for you just like you were
that gay
dude getting some back-door action in the opening before the
geyser erupted from his neck) don't make you run out and buy
or rent
Dead or Alive right now... Then you suck and
probably think that Yentl is the greatest
movie ever made... Christ, you assholes
made me mention a Streisand movie on my site. I hope you burn
for it.
So, what
did I think of Takashi Miike's Dead or Alive? After
a great start, I thought it got kind of bland for a good chunk
of the middle part, but then that ending just made me shit
out kittens of joy! I am smiling and chuckling to myself at
the utter ruggedness of the ending as I type this review. But,
remember, you have to watch the whole movie to appreciate the
ending.
If you skip right to the end without seeing how the characters
(and planet Earth) got there, first of all it won't make any
sense, but second of all you'll just be left scratching your
head saying "Huh?!?!? That's just.. What the flying fuck!?!?"
Trust me. Trust the Rossman.
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