The Wilderness ROSSMAN

This past weekend I took the always cute and sometimes excitable Katie Marlow out on a date. She actually agreed to see me after I promised I'd let her meet Robot Pedro so that she could study his high tech innards (she's a computer programming student). I of course shut the flesh-hating machine man down and removed his CPU before she came over. I told her he was sleeping and that we shouldn't wake him. Anyway, on to the rating of the date!

The conversation was nice but very light (even for a first date). I tried to get her to talk about her family or her roommates but she just kept looking over her shoulder and interrupting my questions with her own questions about the weather. That got old pretty quick and I was forced to remove 2 points from the score. We first went to the movie theater to see A.I.. She didn't want any popcorn and she kept covering her eyes during the film so there was no chance we'd ever get to hold hands. This would have deducted at least 5 points had Katie not allowed me to give her a piggy-back ride to the car after the show. After the movie we drove to The Basil Press for a high priced and hopefully impressive dinner. She seemed happy and was eager to bash Spielberg's inane epic with me over the course of the meal, but then she seemed to glimpse something from the corner of her eye and she became distracted again. Soon she was totally ignoring me and was on the verge of tears for some reason or another. She refused to tell me why and she didn't even have any dessert!! Urgh!! They have the best German chocolate cake in the whole damn town!!

I drove her back to her apartment and walked her up to her door. Once again she seemed to be looking past me though, and every time I tried to turn my head to see what she was looking at she would just grab my face and make me look at her. Finally she pulled me down to her level and gave me the most unbelievable and unforgettable frenching I've ever gotten in my pitiful little life! She even climbed on top of me like I was some kind of sexy, man-mountain of muscle (which I am) and proceeded to give me three hickies on each side of my neck to wear as badges of honor. We said goodnight and I drove home in a dazed and blissful condition more dangerous than a half dozen Killian's Irish Red.

Even though it had a slow and sometimes annoying first third, the date picked up a bit during the second act. But it was the final scene that left a lasting impression in my mind. I'd have to give My Date With Kate a 93.4% out of 99.98. If only the rest of the night had been as pleasant as the last act.

The Mentally Handicapped-Man,
KUNI

I will KILL the Rossman and all!!! Fucking shit ass! I am out of the town for a week of away and when I get back into the town I see that he is going to the date with the womens that Kuni already like much! That is more evil than Oprah!! I saw Kate in the desk class a time ago before the Rossman. I saw her eat a gum too! It was not of mine, but she chewed it like a sexy!! I was her man because of it! I found her house and watched her eat there too. Her roommates are not as pretty, but one has big ass and biggest boobies! I saw Kate go to work and I said "hello, Katie wife" every 5 minutes to her there!! She only called the police of the store because I stole the panties from the shelf before she didn't see me. I kept the bra though!! The police did not see that! Bastard!! I kicked him in his man balls after. Not this time, but I would!

On the date with the Rossman I saw and watched the date. I followed the Rossman's car with Kate and followed the walking and the movie in case he dumped her like a bad mallet! I could not buy the food at the restaurant like the rich fag Rossman, but I watched from the window and painted "I will love Kate with all of my penis" on a sign and held it up in the window for the Kate to see. I was taken to the police place before I knew if the sign made Kate see though. I snuck out and found that Kate in home with the Rossman, but she kissed him and licked him a few times when I saw with my binoculars across the way. I killed a skunk and hanged it on the door after the kissings but the Rossman was gone. It was a good skunk, but the point was not there. I took it and fed it to a weasel that threw up. That was the most funny!!!

I am in the saying that the Rossman and the Kate dates was a thumbs down. I hope he gets the pain in his groin for it.

That Sexy SATAN

I was busy that night and decided to just let the Rossman have a nice date for once without the rain of frogs, the slaughter of babies or the open sores treatments I usually saddle him with on important evenings. I thought that he might be able to actually get lucky without having to worry if a huge fucking boil would suddenly appear on his forehead during the second course at dinner. I didn't know about the "stalking Kuni" incident until after it was over.... I was watching my tape of the Gilmore Girls that I missed on Thursday (btw, what a great show!) at the time. I laughed my ass off when I heard about his setting a really crappy portrait of the Rossman on fire outside Katie's place at 4 in the morning! It looked like Corky from Life Goes On did it when he was shit faced off of 120% proof moonshine!

I heard that the Rossman actually got to 1st base (with a lead off to second) due to Kuni's reenactment of Cape Fear that night. So I'd have to say that a thumbs up and a thumbs down rating for this mentally disturbed date is fair. Hell, even if it isn't fair, I'm Satan. Fuck you.

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