The Wilderness ROSSMAN
This past
weekend I took the always cute and sometimes excitable Katie
Marlow out on a date. She actually agreed to see me after
I promised I'd let her meet Robot Pedro so that she could study
his high tech innards (she's a computer programming student).
I of course shut the flesh-hating machine man down and removed
his CPU before she came over. I told her he was sleeping and
that we shouldn't wake him. Anyway, on to the rating of the
date!
The conversation
was nice but very light (even for a first date). I tried to
get her to talk about her family or her roommates but she just
kept looking over her shoulder and interrupting my questions
with her own questions about the weather. That got old pretty
quick and I was forced to remove 2 points from the score. We
first went to the movie theater to see A.I.. She didn't
want any popcorn and she kept covering her eyes during the film
so there was no chance we'd ever get to hold hands. This would
have deducted at least 5 points had Katie not allowed me to
give her a piggy-back ride to the car after the show. After
the movie we drove to The Basil Press for a high priced and
hopefully impressive dinner. She seemed happy and was eager
to bash Spielberg's inane epic with me over the course of the
meal, but then she seemed to glimpse something from the corner
of her eye and she became distracted again. Soon she was totally
ignoring me and was on the verge of tears for some reason or
another. She refused to tell me why and she didn't even have
any dessert!! Urgh!! They have the best German chocolate cake
in the whole damn town!!
I drove her
back to her apartment and walked her up to her door. Once again
she seemed to be looking past me though, and every time I tried
to turn my head to see what she was looking at she would just
grab my face and make me look at her. Finally she pulled me
down to her level and gave me the most unbelievable and unforgettable
frenching I've ever gotten in my pitiful little life! She even
climbed on top of me like I was some kind of sexy, man-mountain
of muscle (which I am) and proceeded to give me three hickies
on each side of my neck to wear as badges of honor. We said
goodnight and I drove home in a dazed and blissful condition
more dangerous than a half dozen Killian's Irish Red.
Even though
it had a slow and sometimes annoying first third, the date picked
up a bit during the second act. But it was the final scene that
left a lasting impression in my mind. I'd have to give
My Date With Kate a 93.4% out of 99.98. If only the
rest of the night had been as pleasant as the last act.
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The Mentally Handicapped-Man,
KUNI
I will KILL
the Rossman and all!!! Fucking shit ass! I am out of the town
for a week of away and when I get back into the town I see
that
he is going to the date with the womens that Kuni already like
much! That is more evil than Oprah!! I saw Kate in the desk
class a time ago before the Rossman. I saw her eat a gum
too!
It was not of mine, but she chewed it like a sexy!! I was her
man because of it! I found her house and watched her eat
there
too. Her roommates are not as pretty, but one has big ass and
biggest boobies! I saw Kate go to work and I said "hello,
Katie wife" every 5 minutes to her there!! She only called
the police of the store because I stole the panties from the
shelf before she didn't see me. I kept the bra though!! The
police did not see that! Bastard!! I kicked him in his man
balls
after. Not this time, but I would!
On the date
with the Rossman I saw and watched the date. I followed the
Rossman's car with Kate and followed the walking and the
movie
in case he dumped her like a bad mallet! I could not buy the
food at the restaurant like the rich fag Rossman, but I watched
from the window and painted "I will love Kate with all
of my penis" on a sign and held it up in the window for
the Kate to see. I was taken to the police place before I knew
if the sign made Kate see though. I snuck out and found that
Kate in home with the Rossman, but she kissed him and licked
him a few times when I saw with my binoculars across the way.
I killed a skunk and hanged it on the door after the kissings
but the Rossman was gone. It was a good skunk, but the point
was not there. I took it and fed it to a weasel that threw
up.
That was the most funny!!!
I am in
the saying that the Rossman and the Kate dates was a thumbs
down. I hope he gets the pain in his groin for it.
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That Sexy SATAN
I was busy
that night and decided to just let the Rossman have a nice
date for once without the rain of frogs, the slaughter of
babies
or the open sores treatments I usually saddle him with on important
evenings. I thought that he might be able to actually get
lucky
without having to worry if a huge fucking boil would suddenly
appear on his forehead during the second course at dinner.
I
didn't know about the "stalking Kuni" incident until
after it was over.... I was watching my tape of the Gilmore
Girls that I missed on Thursday (btw, what a great show!)
at the time. I laughed my ass off when I heard about his setting
a really crappy portrait of the Rossman on fire outside Katie's
place at 4 in the morning! It looked like Corky from Life
Goes On did it when he was shit faced off of 120% proof
moonshine!
I heard
that the Rossman actually got to 1st base (with a lead off to
second) due to Kuni's reenactment of Cape Fear that night.
So I'd have to say that a thumbs up and a thumbs down
rating for this mentally disturbed date is fair. Hell, even if it isn't
fair, I'm Satan. Fuck you.
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