 The Rogue ROSSMAN
First came
American animation. Stuff like Mickey Mouse, Betty Boop, Popeye
the Sailor Man, and Dildo the Dinky Dinosaur. Then came Japanese
animation... and they ripped off American animation without
any thought or care as to who gave a shit or not. Then came
American comic books (like the X-Men) that began stealing
the sleek art styles of Japanese animation. Then came Scryed.
Scryed is a Japanese animated show that stole from American
comic books that stole from anime which stole from the big-eyed
Betty Boop. It's a vicious circle.
"What
the hell does this have to do with anything," you ask
and scream at your computer screen at the top of your lungs?
Absolutely
nothing. I just thought it was humorous how history and plagiarists
keep repeating themselves is all.
Scryed
(or "s.CRY.ed", or even "s-CRY-ed"
if you prefer) is basically a Japanese retelling of the mutant
phenomenon that originally took place in the X-Men comic
books... But slightly (majorly) different. See, instead of
being
born with wimpy powers (like healing fast, reading minds or
controlling magnets), the "alter users" in S-CRY-ed
are born with the power to call upon and use mecha in
battles. See, there's this one alter user named Ryuhou, who
can make a giant armless doll appear and then use it to kick
the serious crap out of anybody who pisses him off. There's
another guy, named Kazuma, who can turn his right hand into
a cybernetic boxing glove and blow shit up that pisses him
off.
There's a freaky dude who can create three loyal (sex slave)
robotic girls who bow to his every (perverted) whim and slap
people around when he asks them to. And then there's Straight
Cougar. Cougar is the coolest character in the show. He has
the alter ability to make cars (and himself) go very very fast.
And he's a mack daddy too.
The story
goes a little something like this: In the near future some
bad crap happens to Tokyo, and it is separated from the main
Japanese
Island. The survivors on what remains of Tokyo learn to live
life free of the "main land's" control... At least
I think that's what happened. It's never really explained
despite
it being pretty damn important to the plot. Kooky that. Anyway,
soon after the splitting, 1% of the population of Tokyo Island
are born with the ability to call upon and use alters,
which, as I explained earlier, are mostly robots or cybernetic
upgrades. The main land and the rest of the world is both scared
of the native alter users and curious as to what makes them
tick. This is how HOLY is formed. HOLY is an organization that
monitors and tries to control the alter users on Tokyo Island
by enlisting and/or kidnapping said alter users and making them
work against their own kind by either promises of revenge, blackmail,
or everyday mind control.
Kazuma (the
boxing glove guy) is a native bounty hunter alter user who lives
on the island. Ryuho (the one-eyed no-armed doll guy) is the
main alter user in charge of the ground war being fought by
HOLY. They both hate the living guts out of eachother. Plenty
of pretty cool battles then take place. Things get massively
twisty halfway through the whole series, but then everything
winds up rather nicely and set up for the final fight. And in
a refreshing change of pace, the last two episodes of s.CRY.ed are "closure" episodes.
The main battle is over by then, but we get to see what life
is like for the survivors
of the whole mess for two full episodes. I love stuff like
that.
There were
some nutty "power ups" taking place throughout the
story, but they were pretty well explained (as opposed to American
comic books where every few years a super hero "discovers" a
new power or use of a power that they never even thought was
possible before!... Yeah.). It's even hinted at in the early
episodes what everybody is theoretically capable of. It's nice
to see some of the alter users show what they can do when the
chips are down.
What
did I think of Scryed (s.CRY.ed, s-CRY-ed)?
In the end I find that I must give it a 3.5 out
of 5 Stars of Rossman Mutant Wonder. It was good mindless
beat-'em-up fun... but that's basically it. I really don't
feel too
strongly about it one
way or another. I think it had an assload of potential, but
that it ultimately dropped the ball and settled for mediocrity.
Whatever.
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The Scryed Up DOCTOR DAVE
Trippy. I
truly didn't know what to make of this show that the Rossman
made me watch. It was very intriguing... but also very confusing.
Were those robots and mechanical limbs that popped out of
thin
air from another dimension? And if so, why were they obeying
the commands of a bunch of punk kids with no respect for
authority?!
That's just a horrible message to send to today's youth! "Rebel
and blow things up and you will be rewarded with a giant robot"...
I think not.
That's why
I'm currently working on a device that will close that dimensional
gate and stop those destructive alter robots from wreaking
any
more havoc and death and destruction on this world's citizens.
I mean, with all that wanton dismay going on, who would ever
notice if my atomic fruit bomb went off in Salt Lake City?!
Who would bat an eye as my genetically engineered dog-men
soldiers
marched through Detroit and tried to take control of the Lion's
training camp?! Who would even bow down in front of my soon
to be completed "giant master brain in a jar" when
young punks are using their hyper death-ray robot cars to blow
up my lab and maybe even the Dunkin' Donuts down the street!!!!
I've had just about enough of today's youth! The first thing
I'm going to do after I shut their power source off from that
other dimension is take over the television waves and put nothing
but classic Johnny Carson on 24 hours a day! They wouldn't even
have their "MTV" or their "Pokee-Man" shows
to run to when their reason for living is locked up tighter
than Bea Arthur's dried up cunt! The kids today will suffer
a fate worse than death simply for making my dog-men army cry
in their Alpo.
I will
give this Screwed show a thumbs up simply for warning
me of this upcoming wave of evil children with their evil robot
powers. Other than that this program scared me and made me lock
my lab door.
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The Altered CARL
Fuckin' A,
man! A show about nothin' more than beating the living high
holy tar out of people! Niiiiiiiiice!
I was a bit
tentative at letting the Rossman choose the show that we were
going to watch, but he proved himself worthy with this choice...
This time. Sure, there were no anime titties or tentacle action
going on in here, but this show had the second best thing: Super
powered fights that caused immense PAIN in the fighters and
the environment around them!!! Holy crap, I think I'm drooling
just thinking about it!
Sure, this
thing was kind of like a deranged Japanese X-Men, except
it wasn't gay. No spandex, no faggy Frenchmen who throw cards,
and no retarded "plot" to get in the way. Just super
heroes kicking the shit out of eachother! Oh my sweet zombie
Jesus, it was awesome! The final 6 episodes alone brought me
to orgasm! I fucking creamed my pants as I watched an entire
city and island go down! Oh yeaaaaaah! Lots of people fucking
died! Sweeeet!
Sure, there
was a lot of "touchy feely" shiznit going on too,
but the writers covered that crap up pretty well. They must
have had to 'uv put that shit in to appease the chick population,
and maybe trick them into giving it a chance past the violence...
The GLORIOUS violence!! Oh man, I'm going to go watch that
show
again! Hell yeah, ya mo fo!
Both
the Monkey of Madness and I give Scryed a thumb up. That makes TWO thumbs up! Count them right now or I will sledge
hammer your face in!!
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