The Rogue ROSSMAN

First came American animation. Stuff like Mickey Mouse, Betty Boop, Popeye the Sailor Man, and Dildo the Dinky Dinosaur. Then came Japanese animation... and they ripped off American animation without any thought or care as to who gave a shit or not. Then came American comic books (like the X-Men) that began stealing the sleek art styles of Japanese animation. Then came Scryed. Scryed is a Japanese animated show that stole from American comic books that stole from anime which stole from the big-eyed Betty Boop. It's a vicious circle.

"What the hell does this have to do with anything," you ask and scream at your computer screen at the top of your lungs? Absolutely nothing. I just thought it was humorous how history and plagiarists keep repeating themselves is all.

Scryed (or "s.CRY.ed", or even "s-CRY-ed" if you prefer) is basically a Japanese retelling of the mutant phenomenon that originally took place in the X-Men comic books... But slightly (majorly) different. See, instead of being born with wimpy powers (like healing fast, reading minds or controlling magnets), the "alter users" in S-CRY-ed are born with the power to call upon and use mecha in battles. See, there's this one alter user named Ryuhou, who can make a giant armless doll appear and then use it to kick the serious crap out of anybody who pisses him off. There's another guy, named Kazuma, who can turn his right hand into a cybernetic boxing glove and blow shit up that pisses him off. There's a freaky dude who can create three loyal (sex slave) robotic girls who bow to his every (perverted) whim and slap people around when he asks them to. And then there's Straight Cougar. Cougar is the coolest character in the show. He has the alter ability to make cars (and himself) go very very fast. And he's a mack daddy too.

The story goes a little something like this: In the near future some bad crap happens to Tokyo, and it is separated from the main Japanese Island. The survivors on what remains of Tokyo learn to live life free of the "main land's" control... At least I think that's what happened. It's never really explained despite it being pretty damn important to the plot. Kooky that. Anyway, soon after the splitting, 1% of the population of Tokyo Island are born with the ability to call upon and use alters, which, as I explained earlier, are mostly robots or cybernetic upgrades. The main land and the rest of the world is both scared of the native alter users and curious as to what makes them tick. This is how HOLY is formed. HOLY is an organization that monitors and tries to control the alter users on Tokyo Island by enlisting and/or kidnapping said alter users and making them work against their own kind by either promises of revenge, blackmail, or everyday mind control.

Kazuma (the boxing glove guy) is a native bounty hunter alter user who lives on the island. Ryuho (the one-eyed no-armed doll guy) is the main alter user in charge of the ground war being fought by HOLY. They both hate the living guts out of eachother. Plenty of pretty cool battles then take place. Things get massively twisty halfway through the whole series, but then everything winds up rather nicely and set up for the final fight. And in a refreshing change of pace, the last two episodes of s.CRY.ed are "closure" episodes. The main battle is over by then, but we get to see what life is like for the survivors of the whole mess for two full episodes. I love stuff like that.

There were some nutty "power ups" taking place throughout the story, but they were pretty well explained (as opposed to American comic books where every few years a super hero "discovers" a new power or use of a power that they never even thought was possible before!... Yeah.). It's even hinted at in the early episodes what everybody is theoretically capable of. It's nice to see some of the alter users show what they can do when the chips are down.

What did I think of Scryed (s.CRY.ed, s-CRY-ed)? In the end I find that I must give it a 3.5 out of 5 Stars of Rossman Mutant Wonder. It was good mindless beat-'em-up fun... but that's basically it. I really don't feel too strongly about it one way or another. I think it had an assload of potential, but that it ultimately dropped the ball and settled for mediocrity. Whatever.

The Scryed Up DOCTOR DAVE

Trippy. I truly didn't know what to make of this show that the Rossman made me watch. It was very intriguing... but also very confusing. Were those robots and mechanical limbs that popped out of thin air from another dimension? And if so, why were they obeying the commands of a bunch of punk kids with no respect for authority?! That's just a horrible message to send to today's youth! "Rebel and blow things up and you will be rewarded with a giant robot"... I think not.

That's why I'm currently working on a device that will close that dimensional gate and stop those destructive alter robots from wreaking any more havoc and death and destruction on this world's citizens. I mean, with all that wanton dismay going on, who would ever notice if my atomic fruit bomb went off in Salt Lake City?! Who would bat an eye as my genetically engineered dog-men soldiers marched through Detroit and tried to take control of the Lion's training camp?! Who would even bow down in front of my soon to be completed "giant master brain in a jar" when young punks are using their hyper death-ray robot cars to blow up my lab and maybe even the Dunkin' Donuts down the street!!!! I've had just about enough of today's youth! The first thing I'm going to do after I shut their power source off from that other dimension is take over the television waves and put nothing but classic Johnny Carson on 24 hours a day! They wouldn't even have their "MTV" or their "Pokee-Man" shows to run to when their reason for living is locked up tighter than Bea Arthur's dried up cunt! The kids today will suffer a fate worse than death simply for making my dog-men army cry in their Alpo.

I will give this Screwed show a thumbs up simply for warning me of this upcoming wave of evil children with their evil robot powers. Other than that this program scared me and made me lock my lab door.

The Altered CARL

Fuckin' A, man! A show about nothin' more than beating the living high holy tar out of people! Niiiiiiiiice!

I was a bit tentative at letting the Rossman choose the show that we were going to watch, but he proved himself worthy with this choice... This time. Sure, there were no anime titties or tentacle action going on in here, but this show had the second best thing: Super powered fights that caused immense PAIN in the fighters and the environment around them!!! Holy crap, I think I'm drooling just thinking about it!

Sure, this thing was kind of like a deranged Japanese X-Men, except it wasn't gay. No spandex, no faggy Frenchmen who throw cards, and no retarded "plot" to get in the way. Just super heroes kicking the shit out of eachother! Oh my sweet zombie Jesus, it was awesome! The final 6 episodes alone brought me to orgasm! I fucking creamed my pants as I watched an entire city and island go down! Oh yeaaaaaah! Lots of people fucking died! Sweeeet!

Sure, there was a lot of "touchy feely" shiznit going on too, but the writers covered that crap up pretty well. They must have had to 'uv put that shit in to appease the chick population, and maybe trick them into giving it a chance past the violence... The GLORIOUS violence!! Oh man, I'm going to go watch that show again! Hell yeah, ya mo fo!

Both the Monkey of Madness and I give Scryed a thumb up. That makes TWO thumbs up! Count them right now or I will sledge hammer your face in!!

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