The Anti-Rebel ROSSMAN
Anarchy in space! Sweeeeet. This anime series reminded me of
Lord of the Flies... Which in turn reminded me
of my youthful
summer at camp, abandoned on an island in the middle
of a huge lake... Which caused me to get pissed off again. But
then I remembered that because the events in this show didn't
actually happen to me this time, I could enjoy them for
all the pain and suffering that they caused. And caused a lot
did they do.
the fan in the solar system in the next century when the sun
basically takes a giant solar-flared sized dump on the planets
that revolve around it. A huge space-cloud, called the Geruld,
is born and spans almost the entire orbit around Anna Nicole
Smith. This space-cloud is pretty weird. It looks like fluffy,
fun Earth clouds, but acts like an evil, dense ocean. It has
immense gravity and crushing, death-like abilities the deeper
that crap falls into it. Just like David Caruso's career.
a hundred or so years past the birth of this super happy space
cloud. Humanity has adapted to this new super space environment
and expanded its filthy clutches to the outer super space
and planets. There is apparently no more humor left in this
galaxy as everybody is more serious than Vice President Cheney
taking a huge dump after a bad piece of peach cobbler. Except
not as much grunting. There's a super space training school
for high schoolers that orbits the Earth and sits right on
of the angry Geruld. All of the kids aboard are either angst-filled,
pissed off at the world, in love with somebody who will never
love them back, or complete pussies. Luckily, the adults
charge of the school keep them all in line. Unluckily all the
adults are systemically wiped out during a terrorist attack
on the orbiting satellite in an attempt to sink it into the
Geruld in order to get at the super space master ship, the
which is stupidly hidden in the frame of the training facility.
Of course, the smarty kids save their own asses and board
mysterious Ryvius (pronounced "riv-EYE-us") and the
fun/chaos begins. Other than not having an actual pig's head
speared in the center of the ship, these kids do their best
to imitate that annoying book I was forced to read in the tenth
grade, Lord of the Flies. There's even a fat
kid who's given a nickname by those who dislike him, but use
on board. Though his name's "Charlie" and not "Piggy",
but you get the idea.
After a loooooong
journey of self discovery and sadism in which the youths fight
against the terrorists and the politically minded federation
of inner planets, many things are learned. Things like: don't
let assholes with their own agenda run the ship; stick with
the girl who won't stab you in the back the first time you disagree
with her gay-ass liberal thinking; and don't give your best
friend the only gun aboard the ship when he's going crazy from
thinking about his dead sister that he loved (non-platonically)
and right after you insist that he's not in his right mind.
He will shoot you.
has a HUGE super space cast of characters. There are well over
20 kids that we get to know intimately. But this is all good
seeing as the creators masterfully work each character into
the plot and let us see just how each and every one of them
thinks and feels. Ryvius' story is told very well too. It's
one long 13 hour tale that isn't episodic in the least. The
end of one episode leads us right into the beginning of the
next without any repetition in the telling. You truly feel like
the months-long trip that these boys and girls take is as long
as it ends up being. Not that that's a bad thing. Far from it.
What that means is that so much stuff happens in each episode
and so many twists and turns turn your head around and around
that you feel like the passage of time that the kids experience
is real. Good stuff.
The Infinite CHI-CHI
This show was fucked up. Lots of kids running around in space
while they all beat the shit out of each other or blow up adult-run
space ships that they don't like. Plus there was that weird
chick in the Japanese idol clothes who kept popping up and dancing
around the place like a disco maniac. Kinda reminded me of high
school as East Bumblefuck High. We kids ran the place and liked
to blow up teachers' cars for kicks too. Though at least, unlike
the godless world in this cartoon, we had alcohol. Waitaminute!
I almost forgot about that one time we got all feral and shit
from a bad batch of cursed beer and as we went around eating
the principal or starting fires in the hallways after fighting
giant, mayor-demons I got locked in my locker upside down and
almost suffocated in my own vomit! That really sucked!
The Ryvie WOLFMAN
show reminded me of that time back at East Bumblefuck High that
my buddies and I got Chichi trashed and then made him watch
Buffy the Vampire Slayer until he thought he was Buffy
himself. Then we let him cannibalize Principal Bullock, pee
all over the cars in the faculty lot, and kill our school's
mascot, a giant Peruvian boa constrictor named George. That
was just sick, man. Our Satan Worshippers Club was going to
sacrifice George to the great horned one once he ate the baby
mice and gerbils that we christened in month old virgin urine.
After that we rode over Chi-Chi in an old, orange Gremlin a
few times and threw him into his locker. Satan never came to
us at our next meeting, so I never forgave Chi-Chi for his transgressions.
May he die and go to Heaven, and NEVER hear the pleasures of
non-stop hell-metal that rings through Hades like sweet sweet
audio ear-sex, that bastard.