The "NEIN" ROSSMAN
me all the time, "Rossman, all you really do is praise
every movie and anime that you ever review! Don't you think
that's fucked up?" To which I usually answer with a fist
thrown in their faces brought on by Blind Canadian Rage.
But my real answer is, "No, that's not really fucked up.
YO MOMMA be really fucked up, but not my review style mad skillz." See,
I usually go into movies and anime wanting to like
them. It takes quite a bit for me to actually leave with a
bad taste in my mouth and eyes. "How much does it take for
the Rossman to actually NOT like something?" you ask?
Well, it takes just about as much as Princess Nine can dish
Nine. The story of a tomboy-girl who likes to play baseball
as much as her famous pro-ball father did. She gets a full scholarship
to go to some Chilton-like academy to help start up an all female
baseball team made up of the scrunge of society (you know, the
usual assortment of dykes, tough gals, fat girls, basket-case
girls, bubbly girls and pretty-but unhappy girls). Oh, and then
there's the tomboy's main rival (in both athletics and love).
ask yourself why this school starts an all girls baseball team
when it already has the best boys team in Japan?... Or then
again you might not. But it's because the stiff bitch in charge
of the school had a mad boner for the tomboy's dad (when he
was still alive) and then some drunk coach did something and...
Oh hell! Who gives a shit! Nothing in this putrid pile of baseball
mockery made any goddamn sense!!
up for this team for the stupidest reasons that ever came sliding
out of any writer's retarded ass. The drunk coach liked the
tomboy's widow-mother, which is why he went lolita-chasing
red-head on the team, while the two main rivals fought over
that closet-fag guy who called the lead heroine "Ganmo-chan" over
and over again for the sole reason of pissing me off! Why
nobobody Al Capone'd him with a bat to the back of the head
I'll never know! Then there was the freak-chick who thought
that her keychain was an alien (don't ask) and the smart
unsexy girl who had to hide her identity from her father in
order to play... but when she was found out it didn't matter
in the least. Nothing that was done in this show mattered
in the least! I think there was some kind of scandal about
tomboy's dad at one point, but it was so completely meaningless
that I blanked it out of my memory by means of heavy drinking.
Even the last few episodes when we actually got to see the
play ball against all the male teams in Japan I just felt like, "yeah, so?" Some
cool stuff happened (like good plays that defied the laws of
Newton and Einstein), but it all turned
into a smorgasbord of mongoloid emotions due to the fact that
the tomboy and the re-re guy she liked were having a Three's
Company styled misunderstanding (even though he really did
cheat on her). Plus (and I'm going to ruin the whole end of
the series here in a big spoiler), the girls don't even make
it to the fucking championship, which was the main point of
the whole story in the first place! The Chairwoman of the school
said that they would make it there! And they didn't! And it's
all because the tomboy was a retard. Man, I hope her teammates
lynched her ass after the game. They so could have won if she
kept her mind on the game and her unrequitted lust in her pants.
If you noticed,
I didn't use any of the characters' names in the above synopsis/ramble.
That's because I couldn't remember any of them. Other than
that cockfuck jock kept calling the main protagonist (i.e.
the eternally grating "Ganmo-chan"), not one of their
names stuck in my brain. This is for the best, because even
though some people were likeable, the morons and bitches of
the group pulled them all down to their level and now all I
recall in my distorted view of reality, known as "Rossman
Visionquesting", is that they all wanted to kill baby
puppies with tire irons. God how I hate them (not the puppies,
From the Future
Even hundreds of years in the future (where basesball has become
even more tedious and suicide-inducingly boring than it is in
your present time) this wicked sport is not half as painful
as this abomination of should-have-been-aborted animation! The
story of this wise, yet annoyingly stupid teenage whore-team
made me wish that I did not have eyes or ears to witness and
listen to its miscarriage of mangled malevolence the whole way
through. Yes, there was even a time when I prayed that Robot
Pedro would break in the door to the Rossman's place and rip
my head off of my spinal column again just so that I would not
have to see the next episode!
he did not. And behold, I stand before you now a broken and
defeated man.... It was only afterward everything had ended
that I thought of setting some hyper-plutonium charges in order
to blow up the actual television and DVD devices that played
this garbage. But blowing the living shit out of them after
the fact was still necessary, since the evil of this show lived
on inside the memories of those failed little appliances. I
could hear them asking for death. I can still hear them... Or
is that my Princess Nine induced voices in my
I do not
understand why more female sports shows could not be more like
the Battle Athletes Victory television show that my future
took upon itself to make into a reality. Chicks who can swim
an ocean in 15 minutes and then long jump the Golden Gate Bridge
are real women. Plus the BAV girls have had their hearts removed
in a simple surgical procedure ensuring that they do not fall
in love with asshole men in the middle of their training, thus
bringing shame and disgrace upon their home prefectures.
other than the pimpin' street racin' that I's participates in,
suck my hairy monster balls. That even goes for girly sports...
All of which, unless they got nothin' but hot chicks in bikinis
wrestling me in a tub of pudding, should be banned and
illegal even in commie China.
are only good for certain things. Getting naked in pudding being
one of them. Playing a boring man's sport, such as baseball,
being not one of them. Suckin' my big ol' wang is a good
thing they's good at. Gettin' all emotional-like and whinin'
about that retard guy who can't even remember their real names
is most certainly not one of them. Yeah, they do this
shit anyways, even without askin' me what I feels to be propah.
They tried to give these bitches some personalities to make
you say shit like "Oh! That fiery red-head whore who wants
to suck the alky-coaches nads is my favorite of the sluts on
the field!" Fuck that shit!
other thing I have to say is that those dickless middleaged
Asian animators over there in China better start making more
of that tentacle porn shiznit or I'm gunna recommend we drop
another motherfuckin' bomb on they sorry asses!