 The ROSSMAN Brigade...
with his ever-present Guinness
Fuck yeah!
This is what I'm talking about. A movie with characters that
have no scruples. This entire movie is just one giant double
(turned triple) cross. With lots of people getting shot up and
blown to hell in a handbasket along for the ride.
I think the
plot is supposed to be an updated version of the Little Red
Riding Hood story, but if so, then the writers took great liberties
(I don't know the whole fairy tale, but I'm pretty sure that
there weren't political protesters, bombs and enough ammo to
take down a charging elephant on speed). It all starts out in
an alternate 1962 Japan. The country is still in great turmoil
after WWII and now lots of angry morons (who want to save the
world by blowing it up, cop by cop... kinda like if American
liberals merged with the IRA) are taking to the streets to object
to their lack of rights and the laws that don't allow them to
carry napalm and cluster grenades around with them where ever
they go.
Those laws
are apparently there for a reason, cause most of the people
in the crowd like to throw them at the police. This is why
the "Special Unit" was set up. The special unit
handles the tough shit that the regular cops can't deal with.
They're
kinda like a small army of Terminators and Robocops. Their
outfits even have glowy-red eyes to make them even cooler.
So during
one blast of civilian uprisings these special unit guys are
called in to track down some of the leaders of the protesters/killers
when they try to escape into the sewers. One of the super-cops,
Fuse, runs into one of the protesters, a teenage girl (who
you
just want to punch for being such an ass), and she proceeds
to blow herself the fuck up in an attempt to take him out
too.
That's just
the first 10 minutes. Soon we learn the workings behind the
political curtains of Japan at the time, and we are told
that
the special unit is not all that well liked inside the government
either. There is also talk about the Jin-Roh (or "Wolf
Brigade") that works inside the special unit as its own
secret platoon that does even more dirty work than the people
who sign their paychecks.
Then the
plot gets deep. And confusing. I'll be honest with you, I had
not a friggin' idea what the hell was going on for a good 40
minutes in the middle of this movie. Near the end though everything
becomes clear as crystal meth. Everything is revealed in such
a cool way that I actually cheered out loud a few times I was
so happy. Plus the cool special unit armor from hell makes one
last appearance before the credits role.
In the
end I find that I must give Jin-Roh two Rossman thumbs
up. It was very satisfying and it actually made me think.
The animation was sweeter than a cup of sugar in Angry Amy's
gas tank and the setting was different than anything I've seen
in a long time. The only part that weirded me out a bit was
the constant telling of the Red Riding Hood story. I guess it
was kind of important to the plot, but not really until the
end. But what ya gunna do?
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The WOLFMAN
Hells bells
yeah! Sign of the BEAST!!! This Jin-Roh was very appeasing.
It comforted me to see that killing in the name of honor and
beliefs is still a good thing in this day and age. Why, just
last week I, the Wolfman, had to snap the neck of that little
git at the mall because he made me spill some of my Orange Julius
on my girlfriend's skirt. Retribution was necessary. I twisted
his neck around twice before it popped off. I gave it to Candice
as a gift from my heart, but she only kept the eyeballs.
After I watched
this movie it took me a few hours to realize that I could be
a Jin-Roh too. I had Bob From the Future cook me up some evil
looking armor with red eyes and bitchin' horns, and then I had
him send me back in time to 1960s Japan where in I could start
my own special unit and kill people who piss me off legally.
Well, the ass by mistakenly sent me to 1920s Japan and I inadvertently
began their quest for all of Eastern Asia and eventually set
them up for WWII. I guess that happens some times. The only
sucky thing was that I had to sell my armor for a trip to the
Arctic where I buried myself in a glacier so that I could cryo-sleep
until two days ago.
The
Wolfman must proceed to bestow upon this movie 5 Pentagrams
of Evil.... That's a good rating in case you were wondering. Yeah, it may have been a
bit boring in the middle, but that lull was needed to show how
corrupt people in general are and how they need to start worshiping
the dog god Canineticus, who will FEED UPON YOUR SOUL if you
don't kiss my ass.
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BOB of the Future Brigade
This movie
was like a history lesson come to life for me. You see, in
my time we knew of the great "Political Purging" of the
late 21st century in which most of the politicians of the world
were either systemically slaughtered like lambs in a grinder,
or banished into Black Hole 7439 at the far end of the Milky
Way. The ingenious way in which this historic event was so well
planned out was by having the soldiers of the rebellion wear
wolfskins as they slinked from house to house and took out half
of the major world government players in the course of a night.
Then when day broke, they just said "Fuck it," and
put on some styling body armor and went from national capital
to national capital and shot everybody up with explosive tipped
bullets and hyper tank lasers. The images in my history book
are quite impressive.
Jin-Roh was a treat. It was such
a happy movie. I will give it a full 156 laser gun shot salute!
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