 The Cooly ROSSMAN
and the Spooly USS Missouri
I believe
that every once in a while everybody is in need of a "spaz-attack" in
one way, shape, or form (A spaz-attack being when an individual
lets loose, goes insane and bounces around the room like Sonny
the Cocoa Puff bird in order to let off steam or just to celebrate
kookiness). In which case, thank God for Studio Gainax.
They gave the world one of the greatest means of "escape
spaztasms" that has ever been created: FLCL (pronounced "fooly cooly").
FLCL is.... Um, it's like.....
well, it's better than.... It's more fun than....
I'll figure
it out someday. I can tell you what it's supposed to
be about. It's about this average ordinary everyday kid (named
Naota). Happy to do nothin', and in fact that's what he did.
His brother is out of the country playing baseball. His father
is a fucked up oddball who likes to dress up like Lupin III
on occasion. His brother's girlfriend (whom he left behind)
is a pyro skank who likes to touch Naota in places that his
bathing suit covers. Then there's Haruhara Haruko. She's an
alien who rides a yellow Vespa and likes to hit Naota on the
head with her Rickenbacker bass guitar (which happens to cause
lots of robots to come pourin' out of the poor kid's noggin
once an episode). Oh yeah, there's also Kanchi. Kanchi is the
coolest robot ever made. He's around 8 feet tall, has a tv for
a head and has a Harpo Marx complex. He can do just about anything
you want him to.
That just
about sums it up. Mamimi (Naota's brother's girlfriend) picks
on Naota in a very sexually suggestive manner, Naota gets frustrated
with her and his dad (and Grandpa), Haruko smashes his head
in with her guitar and a strange robot pops out with whom Naota
must fight and destroy with Kanchi's help. There's also some
sort of weird government agency that's being run by a guy with
fake eyebrows that is trying to capture Haruko and Kanchi. And
there's talk of a space pirate too, but I don't want to confuse
you or myself anymore so I'll just let it go at that.
FLCL is trippy. It's also very
funny but in a sick and weird way. Do you find it funny when
12 year old boys are kinda sexually abused in a comical sort
of way by their brother's girlfriend or by a freak from outer
space? Do you chuckle whenever kids are cracked on the skull
by a musical instrument causing evil machines to climb out of
their forehead? Do you piss your pants when you watch a screaming
match between father and son turn into moving comic book frames?
I do. Which is why I thought that this OAV was genius.
It's only
6 episodes long, but it will confuse the hell out of you. At
least it should. It kinda has an ending, but it doesn't really
explain everything down to the last detail to you. It would
actually really suck if it did. I believe that it's FLCL's
feelings of disorder and ambiguosity that make it a winner.
Watch it to be amazed that somebody actually thought to animate
it. Do not expect Shakespeare. Don't even expect Mac and
Me.
In the
end I find that I must give FLCL 69 out of 78 Stars
of Power and Patriotism. It is fun to watch, but it was
missing something. I guess I'm just used to Gainax shows having
a great ending (i.e. EVA, Nadia, and Gunbuster).
This just left me scratching my head. I wonder if enjoying it
on an acid trip like the director must have had during production
time would help. It could only kill brain cells.
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The Fooly CHI-CHI
God bless
'em! Bless who, you ask? Bless those sick fucko's who thought
that I'd like this walrus dung on a DVD. They tried hard. The
animation was pretty cool and all too, but the entire show just
made me want to grab the creators by their nad packs and shake
vigorously like an electric paint mixer. That might sober the
pukes up a bit.
Yeah, I laughed
at a good bit of it. Some of the destruction was pretty durn
funny. But I really hated to see those two sluts try to sexually
abuse that kid all the time. It hit too close to home for me.
You see, when I was but a wee lad I was touched in a bad place.
Over and over again. By my dog, Biscuit. Yeah, I was the one
who put syrup on my dong and told him to lick, but that one
time (that final time), he actually bit like he was trying
to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. That little
hairy fucker was out the window so goddamn fast that I doubt
he realized that we were on the second floor. Holy shit!! I
had to keep ice in my undies for 2 whole months just to keep
the swelling down enough to pee. Don't worry though, I learned
my lesson. I only use peanut butter now. Creamy style.
Since
FLCL brought back such horrible memories of my youth
I will only give it 1 out of 5 stars. Too low, you say?
Well, you weren't there when Biscuit's incisors and canine teeth
took to Lil' Chi-Chi like a beaver to a weeping willow.
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The Fooly MEGAPLAYBOY
Don't be
a fool! Try and be cool. Suck my tool. Baby, don't drool. Yeah,
I fuckin' rule. I hated school. Awe, honey, that's cruel. I'll
drown yo ass in the pool. I loved Ghosbusters 'cause
of Zuul. I traded my ho for a five dollar mule. Man, this anime
was a total jewel.
FLCL was da bomb, bitch! It had
so much goin' on that I was busy skippin' the light fantastic
with my buds, that giant penguin from Billy Madison and
Frosty the Snowman! I was sooooo fuckin' wasted. And it was
all due to this show. Not one bit of Columbian hash!
First I started
watchin' and I was bummin', sayin' things like, "Yo,
Rosschild. What the hell is with that little dude and his female
posse? That one's a whore, the other's a loony and that classmate
girlie's all messed in the melon. Why you gots to be showin'
me this sappy, crappy shiznit?!" In response he stapled
me to my chair and stuffed some of his dirty shorts in my mouth
to keep me from blabbin'. Those skid-mark filled boxers unfortunately
had an undesired side effect, my brothas. They induced vomiting.
But they also kept said puke from leavin' my mouth.... Come
to think of it, that's probably a bad thing too.
So, I got
into FLCL a lot. It was fly. If only I could make robots
like that scooter ridin' chickie could. I'd be bashin' in heads
left and right with my Stratocaster causin' mass robo-hysteria
and hopefully a major headache for da man! You know that
their itty bitty guns would have no damn effect on Kanchi and
his crew. Awe yeah, I'd love to see the assfuck pig that shot
me in the ass for drag-racin' him on Lumpkin Street get squashed
like a ladybug underneath that giant hand robot too! That would
be beyond the cooly!
Yo, fool!
Let me just say that FLCL deserves no less
than a 4 Ninja Star Salute of Dismemberment! It was fast,
the soundtrack was kickin' and anarchy ruled! Just like my life...
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