EDITOR'S NOTES

The ROSSMAN here... I just wanted to tell you what this is all about before hand so that you know what you're getting yourself into. First of all, I've known Marksy for over ten years now. He's an okay guy, but he's also one seriously fucked up fuck when he wants to be. He's always the life of the party, but he's also the ass-hat who cuts in on your action when it looks like you've finally broken the ice with that one hot chick who you've been wooing all night at some party. And there's nothing you can do about it since he's just so damn funny and smooth. You end up getting more mad at yourself for not being as suave as Marksy than you end up getting pissed at him for actually purpetrating the "sliding door maneuver" (i.e. when a competing male effortlessly closes a virtual sliding glass door between another male and a female target who were already in conversation [with the intruder on the side of the female], thus gaining all of her attention and eliminating a rival while he's still in plane site). Marksy is a dick (and sometimes an asshole), but you just can't stay mad at him even if he bones your mom.

Marksy's written a few things for this site in the past, but like Malcolm Z has done in the past, he had something bigger to say, and so I decided to let him write an entire Examiner article about his little, deviant adventure, and discoveries of male and female sluttiness.

One last thing; the article that Marksy eventually handed in to me was originally filled with tons of run-on sentences, massive lack of punctuation, and some thoughts and parragraphs that didn't seem to go anywhere. I did my best to tighten it all up and edit the hell out of it, but some things may still not make sense (there's only so much I can do without rewriting the whole damn thing myself, and it's not like I'M the king of grammar or anything). So, don't be critical, just sit back and relax and read all about......

MARKSY -- ADVENTURES OF A MALE SLUT IN ATLANTA

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marksy, and this is my tale of debauchery.

It all started for me about 3 months ago -- that was the last time I got some good old fashioned fucking on. I was horny as hell, but had used up pretty much all of my in-town resources for fucking, and I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. My balls were as blue as they can get, and ripe enough to explode... I really needed to fuck something bad; preferable something with two legs and titties -- yes, even trannies with only half their operations completed were starting to look good to me. That's when I heard a conversation at the mall that would change my life forever... Well, maybe not forever, but at least change it for a few weeks.

See, I was in the food court at the Mall of Georgia, waiting for the Rossman and Matt^3 to show up so that we could see 300 on the big-ass I-Max screen, when I heard two women talking behind me. I didn't turn around at first, but they sounded cute, and their dialogue really started to turn me on -- I didn't want to ruin my mind's illusion by accidentally replacing my perfect, imagined picture of their faces with what could be a harsh reality. Anyway, one of the chicks started talking about how her and Chad's married life had been in the shitter for months. He was always staying late at the office, and going out to eat with his hot secretary, and they (the chick talking and "Chad") hadn't really made love for over 6 weeks. That's when the other girl started telling her that Chad was most definitely boinking his "gorgeous" assistant, and that she had to get off her butt and have a fling for herself. At this point I actually wanted to hear more about Chad and this hottie of a secretary he was porking in the board room, but then I happened to glance over my shoulder and took a good look at the two women. The one with the cheating spouse was drop-dead-fucking-beautiful! She had long black hair, piercing blue eyes, and titties the size of the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

I swung my chair around, apologized for accidentally overhearing their conversation, and then tried my best to convince them that "Yeah, of course that douche of a Chad was cheating on her. All the signs were there." Then I was able to slip her my email address, which she kissed before putting in her purse, and she and her friend left. She never did write me. My guess is that Chad found the slip of paper and then went on a murderous spree, splitting open his wife's skull with an iron pipe from under the sink while yelling, "You 'needed somebody to fix your plumbing,' whore?!? There! *Bash!* THERE! *Crack!* Does that clear up the clog, you fucking slut!!!" Either that or my handwriting was too awful to read.

But that's not the point -- the point of all this is that it gave me a GREAT fucking idea: Hot and horny housewives need love too, and I'm just the man to give it to them. ALL of them!

THE PLAN IN ACTION

After the movie I raced home and immediately jumped onto Google. "Affairs, wives, dating, sex" was what I typed in, and I was immediately rewarded with dozens of "dating" sites dedicated to married people trying to have discreet affairs. Jackpot.

I skimmed through a few sites before finding one that had a ton of women listed who were smart enough to post their picture too (note to the ladies out there, you are not going to even get a NIBBLE on ANY dating site if you don't post a picture. Even if you're fatter than Rosie O'Donnel and Oprah combined, post a damn picture. Trust me, even if you have a face that was smashed in with a frying pan, you have a much better shot of getting a reply to your profile if guys can at least see you.... If there's no picture then we always assume the worst [which is even worse than your real face, trust me]. Plus, even ugly guys need lovin' too, and you ugly girls are the only ones who'll give it to them). I was completely blown away by how many of them were either cute or downright HOT HOT HOT! About half of the ladies with pictures shown (who were all located in the Atlanta area) were really good looking. Those were better odds than even Match.com and UDate offered! That's when I knew for sure that I had found my place in life: to slide my monorail into the train station of adultery... with hot women only, of course.

In order to make a little sport of things and to make this adventure even more interesting, I decided to make a scientific experiment out of it. Well, I wasn't really sure what that meant per se, but what I ended up doing was trying to bag three different types of women on the site, and to see which I could get into bed the quickest. As a placebo, I decided to contact a girl who was listed as "single" on this site as well, and see if somebody not in a commited relationship was sluttier than those looking to break their marriage vows. At this point I wasn't really thinking too straight [since all my blood was heading South as I thought of all the hard-up honies I was very soon going to break like a watermelon off a rooftop], and this might be why this doesn't make too much sense even to me now, but it sounded perfectly logical to me and my boner at the time that I first started my quest.

And so I started. I decided to go the honest route with my personal profile on this site, just so I could keep my lies to a minumum and not confuse myself with a tangle of untruths and falsehoods later on down the line (I've made that mistake before -- telling lies about me both face-to-face and on dating/sex sites to women... It's always embarrassing when you're caught in a bold-face lie too, like when she stops you in the middle of a sentence and says, "Wait, you said before that you never went to the beach because you could never find a bathing suit big enough to cover your enormous cock and balls, but just now you said that you saved all those babies from that shark off the Eastern coast of Florida last May while on Spring break with the orphanage that you volunteer at...." Ugh. Then I have to cover my ass with something like, "Well, scientists have only recently invented a bathing suit material that contains gigantic penises and makes them look normal size... It's done with mirrors." But I degress). My point is that I decided not to go overboard with the lies, and just impress with what I already had (which was/is quite a lot).

I set up my account, posted a hot picture of myself with my perfect abs showing and me putting on my "I have GOT TO fuck you now, baby" face on... My profile was perfect. Then I went hunting. I started out playing the field, sending out some feelers to about two dozen adulterous angels in my area, and I waited. My initial message was something along the lines of, "Hey, sweetie, I checked out your profile and liked what I saw. You're very attractive and you seem to have a great sense of humor too. Oooo, baby, even our sexual wants and needs match up. Feel free to write back if you want to talk more." All shit that the ladies love to hear. Plus, I was looking for somebody for whom cheating on their hubby wasn't a daily occurence. I wanted to be the first bastard to make them break a Commandment or two. I wanted somebody who may not have been 100% sure that this is what they needed, but I also wanted to be the one who talked them into it. Man, I was so getting turned on by this.

I got my first replies back within 24 hours. More than half of the ladies I wrote to sent me a message back. I kept up the pressure, and got a little more serious and a bit more cheezy in the next round. I wrote, "It was great to hear back from you! Checking out my mailbox and seeing your letter made my heart skip a beat! Tell me a little more about yourself. You left your answer to 'biggest sexual fantasy' open on you profile. Oh man, that is really making my imagination run wild! Can't wait to hear back from you!" One woman named batchick69 -- whose profile was really sultry, listed her as 39 years old, and had an accompanying steaming polaroid that would make a pimp blush -- got back to me almost immediately with a "yeah yeah yeah, sure. how old are you?" My guess was that this hot piece of slut had been doing this kind of thing for years now, and had heard and seen it all. I had to make her mine.

Anyway, I kept up my correspondence with these women (and yes, I'm sure that pretty much all of them were really women and not 14 year-old boys having a laugh, since this was a fairly expensive pay site. I seriously couldn't imagine anybody not serious in getting laid laying out the cash for this place) for a full week before I started getting kind of tired of the lame back-and-forth emails we'd send through the site's own email system. So I chose 4 of the ladies to move ahead with: A mousy, but cute, 32 year-old brunette named trimistress; a hot 37 year-old blonde named liabresh; a petite and reeeeally cute latina-looking girl named Stacyremi; and batchick69. I wrote to each of them the following: "I think we really match up well. I enjoy our email conversation and would like to take this to the next level. Please feel free to email me at my real email at marksy1212@yahoo.com, and we can talk more openly."

Bad fucking idea.

IMMEDIATELY, trimistress wrote back and said, "Sorry, I can't talk anymore. I just found a guy and so I don't need this anymore." Rrrrrrrrrrright. Then soon after liabresh wrote me saying "What? What are you asking?!" I replied, "I would like to take you out and see what happens from there. Are you interested?" Within 10 minutes I got a reply from liabresh: "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Damn. Seriously, what the fuck?

The really cute Stacyremi wrote me back and claimed that her abusive husband found out about the site and now she had to leave it for good. She apologized, but that was the end of that. Batchick69 was the strangest though. After her initial response (and her profile, which pretty much left nothing of her sex life to the imagination) I thought she was an easy lay. She told me though that she was looking for more stability and more of a friend in her life at the moment though. She wasn't looking for just cheap sex. What the goddamn fuck?! I'm looking for chicks who are underappreciated at home, willing to throw caution to the wind for one fling to feel a real man again, and they're freaked out by a real man, make up lies to cover their cowardice, and/or just want a "friend". No. Fuck no. I was beginning to figure out what women were all about, and it was making my head hurt. Ow! It still fucking hurts just thinking about it.

SOME BUMPS IN THE ROAD

During all that though (those 4 trial attempts I just wrote about), I kept up my letters with the rest of my whore-bunnies, giving them a loooot of space, and just being funny with those looking for a laugh, being really steamy and dirty with those who were into that, and timid and nervous for those who were into that. Two girls then wrote me back within a day of each other, asking me to join them later on that night in the site's chatroom in order to get some cybersex on. I figured why the hell not.

Well, it turns out that the "chat room" for this site is nothing even remotely like a chat room in the real world. This site's "chat room" was just a bunch of video chats for strippers and couples going at it for a dollar a minute. What? I searched for like a full HOUR and couldn't find anyplace where two members of the dating site could simply get a cyber room and talk. I fucking make websites as a side business, so I fucking KNOW how to navigate even the most difficult and retarded sites in the world! I can even find what I'm looking for in a site in pretty much any language imaginable, without the help of Babel Fish or anything. But THIS "chat room" site killed me.

I got back in touch with the first girl who invited me to chat, a sexy beast named Sylfstack, and explaine the situation. I then went on to suggest she contact me via my AIM account instead, which I could access throughout the day. She got all huffy and said "No, join me in the site's chat room! You can find me under 'desperate debutants' off the main page! Seeyou tonight!" Ugh.... She fucking WORKED there, and was only trying to get a few bucks off of me. It turns out that the other one who tried to get me into the chat room was the same. Fuck them both. I still had like 8 or 9 prospects... Though by this time I was starting to wonder if any of them were what they were initially selling themselves as (i.e. desperate fucking wives looking for a good lay).

A few more days and a few more steamy letters back and forth with the remaining ladies, then a few more jumped out of the ring with lines like, "I just met somebody, and I want to give it a shot, so I can't talk to you anymore," or, "I first started searching on this site because my husband turned gay a few years ago, but now we're going to try and work it out." What the fuck?! Seriously, if you don't want to talk with me over email anymore, ladies, just tell the goddamn truth or JUST STOP WRITING. Making up really shitty lies only makes me want to give you a really low score on your profile ranking. Seriously, all the ones who claimed to HAVE TO close their account due to possible beatings by an enraged husband, or those pretending to have "found somebody else," thereby negating the need for this site, were all so transparent and phony. I proved this a month after I started my account when I changed my profile name and picture, and re-applied to the same hot honeys [who shot me down before] with my new info. I used the EXACT same MO too (verbatim in most cases), and got pretty much the same positive responses from them in return.

And once again when I pushed each of them to "take it further" and possibly meet up -- the same goddamn excuses came flying my way. I called Stacyremi out (she was the one who claimed her man found out about her and this site and she was afraid he'd wipe the floor with her because of it) when she sent me the same response this time that she did last time. I said, "You know, you're not playing very safe if you're still doing the same shit with the same name a whole MONTH after your psycho husband first found out about it. Do you LIKE it when he punches you in the teeth, or are you just a lying whore, thinking she's all hot for playing with guys' dicks on the internet. That's not even your picture on your profile, is it, whore. Just do us all a favor and either put out or get out. Goddamn cock tease." Surprisingly she didn't turn me in to the management for my angry letter, and the next day she herself cancelled her account or changed her name, just like I did. Cockteases make me sick.

FINALLY. PAYDIRT!

After a little over two weeks of wooing horny, online women, I finally made a move on the most likely of candidates who probably wouldn't freak out, yell "digital rape!", or make up some sad, sad story of husband brutality or a newly founded relationship outside of the site (which if those final types of chicks weren't lying, damn, they were REALLY playing the field behind their husbands' backs!). I had a hot thing going with a certain prettytiedup since the beginning, and I asked her if she'd like to meet somewhere (away from her stomping grounds) for a date.

Okay, here's my thing: A person goes to a site like this for one reason and one reason only: to bone a stranger. Why did I have to waste weeks opening up to them and shit? If they wanted a REAL relationship they'd work harder on their husbands, or just divorce them and try to find another hubby. You don't go on an "affair dating site" to try and find a lifemate! Jeesuz!