The "I Can't Believe I'm Not Dead"
Party Rundown (page 2)

We're halfway done, troopers! Now to bring out the big guns! The "spew shots" and the "even more embarrassing candid moments"! Bonzai!

"Lick it up!  Lick it up!!  Ooooh oh oh!"
Chi-Chi made a naughty party foul by knockin' his Miller over on the Gaming and Raping Table. Slurping it all up was actually his own idea. Most everybody else just wanted the mongo to use a paper towel instead of this. What really turned everyone's cookies in their tummies was when he was done lapping the table clean, Chi-Chi got up, smacked his lips and asked who spilled the gravy that he just licked up.

Mmmmmmmmm!  That's good COCK!
Here's my Gene Simmons impression. Check it out, ladies!

Richard (lower right), takes advantage of my KISS inspired distraction to gobble Charley's cock and balls.

Go Chi-Chi!  Go Chi-Chi!!This was the beginning of the legend which shall forever more be known as "The Night Chi-Chi Was Killed And Reborn by/from Alcohol".

See, Chi-Chi started hitting the bottle pretty damn early on New Year's Eve (he was blotto by 10AM), but he kept on going and going like a cheap Chinese whore working for a twenty. By around 7PM that night he was turning pretty green and he soon made like a bullet for the john. After he had expooged his guts out in a most unfavorable manner, he got right back up, grabbed a bottle of whiskey from Charley's wasted hand, and began chugging again like your alcoholic uncle with the shakes after being seperated from booze for a full 20 minutes! It was a sight to behold!

(And, yes, I did get a shot of the "after" scene, but just in case you're eating something right now I chose not to show it)

Ass not what your party can do for you!
This was the greatest mystery of the whole party. Nobody knows/will reveal who's rump this is... At least we're pretty sure it's an ass.

My camera disappeared for a good 15 minutes at one point during the night, and when it reappeared there was this picture just waiting to be oogled by unbelieving eyes. Hmmmm, it does appear to be a nice, firm bottom. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was mine.

Reign in out of the cum!
Here's Chi-Chi showing Rita how he would have sex with a camel. Rita's reaction is understandable considering Chi-Chi is also explaining to her why only a male camel would do.

O'Doyle Rulz!
Lenny, the Army Ranger guy, declares himself "Napoleonic Dictator of the Nazis," and dons his battle helmet, as a group of us play RISK for shots.

FYI, I turned the tide of global military strength forever by going kamikaze on Bandit's gay North American stronghold, thus freeing up Lenny to freely crush Asia and Europe and not kill me dead after the game ended.

Join the dark side!!!


Lenny tries to use the force to call forth yon Bud Light. All he managed to do was spill it though, and drown Siberia in a flood of dog piss.

Lovely that.
Nope, that's not puke, it's just blood. About two gallons worth. It seems that Richard said something to Lenny, the Army Ranger, about his wonderful mother, and for some reason he was karate chopped in the shnoze. Go fig.

Party like it's 1699!
For some reason it's tradition for Chi-Chi's friends to gather in a circle at midnight on New Year's Eve and do some Riverdancing while sucking down the champagne. Who was I to argue with tradition. Hoi!

Share the love!
Woo Hoo! Kelly was a total party animal! She may look all unexcited and drowsy here, but she's actually supplying the crew with their holiday internet porn. What a gal!

Well now. That was a trip down memory lane (that is, if I had any memories of those three days to begin with). The reason I don't have any pictures of the final day is because my camera vanished again sometime during the second night, and was only found as we were packing up to leave. I was told that it was found with it's handstrap tied to some stray dog's package... But I'm not sure I believe that. With this crew, if that were true, there most definitely would have been pictures of the incident.

Editor's Notes: At first I was kind of pissed that the Rossman didn't invite me to the New Year's party that he went to, but then I saw these pictures. Now I pray every night to whatever god will listen that he never even thinks of inviting me to any party that he goes to for the rest of my, or his, life!

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