Be a Kid Again page II
if I ever met a mad scientist who likes to send people back
in time with his DeLorean and a non-toxic "youth drink"
to relive their childhood with all that they know now, I probably
wouldn't take him up on it... Unless I can be allowed to invest
in Microsoft and titfuck.com just when they go public.
No, what I would rather do is become a kid in this day and
age. Kids today have it so much cooler than my generation did!
Plus they still get to do everything that I did back in the
this sad sack of shit in the image above doesn't really
have anything to do with me or any normal person's childhood.
He's just waiting out his horrible existence till the
time when he's old enough to buy booze and a shotgun
in a bold attempt to steal some of his dignity back
from his sadistic parents who mock him openly to his
face for being the choad that he is. Harsh? Yes. Sad?
Oh yeah. Sympathetic in the least? Not even slightly.
I'm willing to bet that he deserves all the psychological
torture he gets for being nerdy-smart and throwing off
the curve on that last Math test he took. The bastard!
Take for example, cartoons. Today's youth has Batman,
Samurai Jack, The Powerpuff Girls, Cowboy Bebop
and Dragonball Z (hey, don't knock it, it's still better
than most of the crap I had). PLUS they can still see Thundercats,
the original Transformers, G.I. Joe and Inhumanoids
(trust me, it's good) on either TV or on DVD. Plus plus they
will soon have the option of seeing every last episode of the
greatest cartoon ever made, Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse!
How's that for a full circle?
On top of that, parents today are a lot more liberal when it
comes to things they allow their children to watch. When I was
a kid I wasn't even allowed to THINK about sneaking into an
'R' rated movie. Trust me, my mom would have known. She could
smell the bubblegum from the Garbage Pail Kids cards that I
spent my allowance on (instead of banking it for a half a slice
of pizza in college). So I know that she could have picked up
the "lying-scent" that I'm sure I would have produced
by the gallon if ever questioned about movie hopping over to
the Robocop theater instead of watching both Richard
Pryor and Christopher Reeve flush their careers down the shitter
with Superman III.
Anyway, my point
is that parents today don't seem to give a crap what their kids
see. Just this past weekend the Wolfman and I went to see the
Hannibal Lecter movie Red Dragon, and I would say a good
1/4 of the packed theater was kids under 15. First of all, I
must state that I hope that each of those little asswipes have
hellish night-terrors for weeks to come. Secondly I must point
out how much I wish I could have gotten away with that kind
of chutzpah when I was their age! Dammit, I was a total pussy.
This "kids in 'R' rated movies" isn't a new thing.
Far from it. I'm sure that hippy parents were sneaking their
children into the first showing of the first 'X' rated movie
in '69, Easy Rider, as a way of skimping out of having
to tell them about the birds and the bees themselves only to
be very confused at the end of that hour and a half. But even
up to 5 years ago I would probably only see 2 to 4 under-eighteen
year-olds popping up in each violent and sexually explicit movie
I'd go see. I guess we can all thank/hate Clinton and George
W. for that. With their confused ideas about what's really "sex"
(i.e. making the country wonder if blow-jobs and anal are really
sex, not to mention what the word 'is' means) and "violence"
(i.e. blowing the shit out of already stone-aged peoples). God
bless our fucked up leaders.