Morons of the world Vs. My Teeth (page 2)

Where was I? Terrorists and ENRON executives are all morons. I covered that. Now to move on to the end of June 2002. Everybody's laughing at how dumb we all were over the ENRON scandal. "Ho ho ho ho! Man, they sure pulled the wool over our siwwy widdle eyes. Ha ha ha ha!" Even my teeth were starting to end the hate that had torn us apart over the course of the past year. I had made back the money that I lost in destroyed companies, and the U.S. forces were still blowing the total shit out of anything that wasn't already dead from hunger in what was once Afghanistan. And then, it happened. WORLDCOM (and therefore MCI) flicked off the entire world in one giant heartfelt finger of injustice.

Larry can suuuuuuck it!
Here's Larry the Pot Smoker. He believes that if anything bad happens on Earth, even if he's not involved in the least, somebody owes him something. This photo is unusual as he's usually seen in a body cast.

This time I laughed. I laughed pretty damn hard. Mostly because I didn't use nor did I invest in MCI and therefore there was no possible way that they could fuck me over like ENRON had. Second of all I laughed because I knew a dickwad who had just gotten hired by them in Atlanta. Now he's S.O.L. and trying to explain to his female companion (who we all swear is a guy) why she shouldn't call him "loser" despite the whole predicament. Ha ha, fuck him. If he wanted my compassion he should have not gotten back at me for cutting the brakes on his car a few years ago. What a cock.

After all was said and done though, I still felt okay. Which is pretty good. My head was clear and my teeth didn't hurt at all. That is until Larry the Pot Smoker socked me a good one in the jaw. After using his head as a plunger when Chi-Chi had clogged my guest toilet by dropping some kids off at the pool, I found out from Larry the Pot Smoker that the head-rocking that he had given me was a present from the dickwad who worked at MCI whom he met in the parking lot (with all his office possessions in a box at his feet) the day he showed up to attempt to extort money from somebody there.

So even the WORLDCOM collapse caused my teeth to hurt. What a craaaaaazy world.

And finally, I want to comment on the latest development in the California Superior Courts that has recently caused a blip on the radar screen of non-stupidity (meaning this incident is stupid enough to make non-idiots take notice). It seems that somebody thought that the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional. Actually, almost the whole state of moronic hippies believes this. I took a poll. I asked 4 of my readers, who I know live in California, if they thought that saying the Pledge of Allegiance was unconstitutional and they all replied with "huh?", which means, "YES!! We wish that the Government would get off our backs and stop making us say things when the US flag is unfurled!! Fuck you!!!" Although in John Travolta's case, I took it to mean "Scientology is fun and NOT gay... even though it is."

In case you live in a bubble inside somebody's ass, let me clear up what's really going on with this story. A bunch of morons believe that by saying the word "God" in the Pledge makes them believe in something that they don't believe in (i.e. God). Soooooo, instead of simply trying to get the people in charge to just change the phrasing of the Pledge of Allegiance, they thought that they should just stop saying it all together. Because pledging one's allegiance to one's country is apparently a silly thing in their minds. Especially when the oath contains the formal name of a "mystical and magical being" who knows when they've been sleeping, awake, bad and good.

God apologizes for terrorists, 9/11, and evil in general. That's a helluva lot of heat for one deity to take.

Okay, I can kind of see where they're coming from. America. Freedom of speech. Separation of religion and state. The word "God" only being added to the Pledge in '54 to show that we were better than "those damn God-less communists" (no guff!). And so on and so forth. I get it.

I personally don't believe in the Easter Bunny or gay anal sex, but I swear to God that if either was written into the Pledge of Allegiance I'd swear to them whenever Old Glory was raised. Only sadistic Commie Nazi ass pirates refuse to pledge their allegiance to their country... and honestly, Hitler was a Nazi and an ass pirate (I don't think he was a commie, but he was evil enough to be one), and HE pledged allegiance to his country and his fag... I mean flag, all the time.

Yeah yeah yeah, I understand their point. Why should they be made to say the word "God" when they don't believe in Him? And honestly, who gives a shit. Pledge your goddamn country and suffer internally. Don't you owe America that? Even if the oath says "I pledge my allegiance to the United States of America and to the hard body of Kobe Tai and the giant penis of Ron Jeremy. For which is stands, one nation, under falling planes into our skyscrapers, for liberty and the Justice League of America for all."

Seriously, just pledge it. Do it for the puppies. Do it for my teeth. Do it for your soul (in case there is a Supreme Being and you don't want to look like an even bigger moron when you get to Heaven [or Hell] when some Commie Nazi shoots you for being a Yankee with a tiny dick). Just fucking do it.

I said it before and I'll say it again: If you DO have that major a problem saying the word "God", then start a vote to change the words. DON'T vote to stop saying them altogether. That's called being an ass. Honestly, I know a ton of people who believe in God who don't care one way or another if He's in the Pledge. They're smart enough to know that not everybody in the country thinks like them.

The morons who think it's unconstitutional to take "God" out of the Pledge still have yet to figure out the whole separation of church and state thing themselves, and the all men are created equal part of the Declaration of Independence. Don't pay them any heed.

That rant basically ends my complaints. Either you feel my plight or you care even less about it than Rosie O'Donnell does a Slim Fast Shake TM while digging thru the fridge after accomplishing 1/2 a sit up. If you don't give a whiff about terrorists, business scandals or people who don't like America, that's your bag. But personally, my teeth can't take any more of this. It's driving me fucking batty! It just never ends and I-......

Oh, hey! I stopped grinding! Well, I guess you can just forget the piece above. I'm going to go have a Twix cookie candy bar to celebrate.

Editor's Note: Well well well. So the Rossman has dental problems. I can probably use that against him at some point in the future, but for now I just want to talk about his bitchin' and moanin'. He thinks that since he has this webpage that everybody and their sisters in this whole wide world really gives a poopy what he thinks about anything. It's like "Hey, this Vanilla Coke tastes like urine," or "Whoa! Who pissed in my Vanilla Coke?! I think it was Carl." Nobody cares. I don't even care and it took 3 days for me to somehow get that urine in that can without opening it. He should just stick to writing about shit that he understands. Like porn and how to get poop stains out of his carpet. Once again, yes, that was me.

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