Issue #41 - President Trump: Satan or Lucifer?

Mama mia! Are you shitting me? They're making ANOTHER Nintendo system? Does this mean they expect me to go around chasing giant monkeys or rescuing innept princesses for a batch of new games for this thing? I'm-a getting too old for this shiz.
Megaman wants to be in a new game.
I mean, come on, Nintendo! Just let me enjoy my retirement! First you make me run around in some shitty new iPhone app, and now I'm back to sprinting about and jumping on turtles and sentient mushrooms.
Megaman ate your mushrooms. The giant dinosaur talks to Megaman now.
I actually became friends with all those tortoises and walking fungi! Hell, I just had a Sunday Night Football party last week and some cheeky fungus brought some stuffed portabello bites! We all laughed... What am I supposed to tell his family after I have to STOMP on him in this next game!?
I don't know what to tell you man, but seriously, I think we should break into the elf's room and nail all his boots to the floor.
Megaman already made poo-poo in Link's boots.
Ummmm, why? And didn't I already tell you to NEVER disrespect me or anybody else who I disrespect without express written consent from me to be allowed to do things such as like that?!?
.......Megaman was just lonely. The boots said that they wanted mega-poo. Megaman is just a victim of circumsta--...... Oh... Oh god...
What's happening? Why is the blue bomber just staring at you like that, Druggle?
......Noooooooo. Make it mega-stop..... His face is mega-melting!
Anywhoozles, I guess I have to go out now and do all the talk show circuits again, then I'll have to go on a diet, and start training again in order to not make a fool of myself when my next game comes out.
Don't even bother, old man.
Wai--, wha? Who the FUCK are you, you little mimicking piece-of-Megaman-shit-in-the-elf's-boot?!
I, you miserable tub of Italian turd, am your replacement. You see, the "Big N" has had enough of your shenanigans, Doc, and they're tired of you being a liability. They wanted a mascot who WOULDN'T show up on the front page of all the newspapers for a drug deal gone bad one day, and the fatal stabbing of a homosexual elf the next...
Now hold on a moment! When I stabbed the gay elf it wasn't a hate crime! I mean, I HATE him, but not because he's-a gay! Plus, he's not dead. In fact, the little robot just shat in his boots this morning!
..............Anyway, what I was--
HOLY SHIT! Are you my?.... Did they CLONE me? NOOOOOOOOO!
Dear GOD no! I'd have killed myself long ago if I had any of your genes in my body. I'm just a youthful parkour master who they glued a mustache on. And if you couldn't tell by my outrageous accent, I'm French too.
If this is the start of some creepy French invasion, I'm out.
They had a world-wide talent search to find your replacement, old man. I'm you, but 2,000Xs better. That's science.
Wait a minute.... So what happens if you somehow accidentally get an axe in your skull?
Then they'd force you back into service, rip up your retirement check, and make YOU run around killing mushrooms and turtles till the end of days.
Don't fall for it, Doc! It's a trick! It's the start of something bad!
And if you DON'T kill me, I'll pay for you and all your friends to go to Vegas for a week, with an allowance for hookers and blow that would make Ben Affleck jealous!
ACK! Nooooo!... I had so much hookers and blow to live fooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........
Oh, dammit! I thought that was you, Doc.
.......................... Meh. Fuck Vegas.

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This Page is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Though, of course, NONE of the characters are belong to him. They are all the property of the rich and powerful Japanese Yakuza (known as Nintendo Corporation), and neither the Yakuza nor the big N support this page or probably even want it up. The opinions on this page are not necessarily the Rossman's either (and they sure as hell ain't Nintendo's). He did create all of the graphics from memory and scratch and he is using them in a purely "satire-rific" manner, in order to be funny and make people laugh. So LAUGH, damn you!