Issue #23: Hypocrisy in the UN

The world's going to shit in a shit basket, and what's the UN doing about it? Huh?
The UN -- although started as a way to unite the different countries of the world, solve conflicts before they erupt into war, and help the citizens of third-world countries get the aid (whether it be food, medicine, or education) that they need in order to survive -- has over the course of its lifetime become ineffective and impotent in its original quest due to political backstabbing, greed by those in charge of it, and cowardice in the face of global dictators who disagree with the UN's supposed mission.
Megaman ate a Taco Bell chalupa for lunch, and had massive, explosive diarrhea afterwards.
Okay, well now that we've answered that question... Um, we DID answer it, didn't we?
Uh, sure. Now what I want to know is what the fuck your brother's doing playing with his cock and balls in the corner like that, Doc. If anything splashes up on my 50" plasma TV I'm gonna be pissed!
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! It's a me, a Luigi! This-a is-a so-a much-a fun! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! I-a love-a whackin' around-a me Wii like-a this-a! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!
No, silly Druggle. He's not playing with his "wee-wee," he's playing with the new Nintendo system, the Wii.
What, hey?... Sorry, you lost me after "let's all rape the Princess." What was that again?
See, a long time ago Nintendo realized that it was getting its ass handed to it by Sony and Microsoft in the market of home console video game systems, so THIS time they decided to call their new system something phallic-like, and make it so that the game players look like spazzes while playing it, what with all the wacky arm motions and jumping up and down with the motion-sensored Wii remote.
Okay.... Um, say that you had a video game about boxing. With the new Wii you could move the two controllers around like boxing gloves in real life, and in the game your character would imitate you and move his gloves in the same way. Get it?
Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I could just PUNCH my opponent in real life and not spend another gazillion dollars on another Nintendo, and instead visit my supplier, Loco Luiz, and get me some extra-special merchandise that would make me THINK I was playing a video game and pleasing Salma Hayek at the same time.
Hmmmm, okay, how about this: Say they finally port Grand Theft Auto to the Wii. You could use the Wii remote as a steering wheel to drive your car over people, you could stab at video game characters with the remote like a knife or a broken bottle, shoot them with it like a gun, or strap the remote to your wee-wee yourself and bang a prostitute or seven. And you could do this all without getting a Murder-1 rap or herpes complex-9.
.......................................You serious, Doc? Oh my God.... this is everything I've ever hoped for. This is why I didn't blow my brains out when Bubble Bobble 13: Into the Pit of Bubbly Despair tanked in retail 10 years ago.... You gotta get me a Wii of my own, Doc! Papa needs his medicine!
Oh, I would, my dear Druggle, but due to well-timed shortages the big "N" has made it completely impossible to get one of these new systems without offering a big, sloppy, mustached bj to Reggie Fils-Aime. Reeeaaaally sloppy.
But then how the hell did your inbred brother score one?!?!
I thought I just told you.
Goddammit! Well isn't that the cat's balls in a room full of rabid rocking chairs! Fuck! I guess I'll have to go out in the real world and cause some REAL death, destruction and dismay. Run over a few orphans in the gay elf's Buick, knife a few dealers, and screw a big-tittied ho for a few hours.
*Sigh*... Yeah, that's right, you psycho cock-smoking lizard. PROVE Hillary and all those government pussies right. "Video games cause violence," they cry from their pulpits on high. Put us all out of work why don'tcha!!
Oh relax, pumpkin. Of course I'll tell the papers that I did it because the elf's gayness made me do it.
What with the who now? Uh, Doc, can you prescribe me some anti-Viagra or something... Sonic tells me that it's not safe to keep a raging erection for longer than 4 hours, and that stuff you sold me has kept the party going for 10 days now.
Wheeeee-hee-heee! Before-a yous-a give-a the little gay elf his-a medicine, mi fratello, let me take that delicious wee-wee of his on a little-a mustache ride, if-a yous-a know what-a I mean-a! Here, Druggle, yous-a can-a play with my-a Wii while I play with-a his.
Dammit! And I was so looking forward to really knifing some pimp! Hey, robo-fag, get over here!
Megaman did it! The full number of Pi is 3.141592653589--
And insert rusty knife! (STAB!) Lather, rinse, repeat! (STAB! STAB!! STAB!!!)
Ugh.... 79323.... Paaaaaaain..... 846... (THUD)
The gay elf's AIDS made me do it.

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This Page is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Though, of course, NONE of the characters are belong to him. They are all the property of the rich and powerful Japanese Yakuza (known as Nintendo Corporation), and neither the Yakuza nor the big N support this page or probably even want it up. The opinions on this page are not necessarily the Rossman's either (and they sure as hell ain't Nintendo's). He did create all of the graphics from memory and scratch and he is using them in a purely "satire-rific" manner, in order to be funny and make people laugh. So LAUGH, damn you!