Issue #21: Torture of Terrorists

I say fucking electrocute terrorists' nads till they turn into cinders, or till they tell us where their terror-chief is.
MegaMan doesn't like torture.
You'll like it if I TELL you to like it!
MegaMan doesn't get intimidated so easily anymore since Dr. Light installed MegaMan's backbone.
Samus! MegaMan is a terrorist! Torture him!!!
Goddamn commie jihadist!!! *Blam!*
Dirka dirka, mohamed jihad.......... Urgh........
You gunslingling assholes! Next you'll be saying that we should KILL people just because they've killed other people!
You mean like the "death penalty"? Bring it on, baby.
Killing them just proves that we're no better than they are, that is IF they even committed the crime that they've been sent to prison for in the first place. Which they never do!
.................................................................Wow. Hey, Samus, how did Michael Moore fit in that tiny, cute, pink dress?
And about torturing terrorists! How do we even KNOW that they're terrorists?! Our evil soldiers are just picking kids up off the streets and SAYING that they're terrorists! I know this for a fact!!
.............. I think she's a terrorist. Can I torture her now too?
Hold on, this is awesome! I want to see where she goes with this. So, princess, we pick up toddlers off the streets of Baghdad and torture them for shits and giggles, go on....
Then-- Then-- Then we rape their women and babies and we shit all over their statues of Allah and the Virgin Allahette, and then we kick all the old people over there in the nuts, then we make then dress up in hoods and have dogs bark at them, and then we make them simulate gay sex, and then we take pictures of them and laugh at their tiny genitals, and then... and then.... Then we make them study the Bible!!!
That was.... Wow, what can I say? A well informed argument. Anyway, I guess that's all the time we have for this segment, since Ron Jeremy's Kickin' Dickin' Stickin' Christmas is about to start on the Spice Channel. So Meeeeeeeeerry Christmas, everyone! And--
How DARE you!!! How dare you mention the word "Christmas" when not everyone is a Christian!
Dirka dirka.....
What the?..... But the holiday's name is "Christmas". How does that even work anyway? How does a word that has nothing to do with insulting somebody offend them? So like if a black person wishes me a Happy Kwanzaa I have to punch him or her in the mouth?
No! You can't do that because they're black! You're not allowed to be offended by Kwanzaa because you're white! White people are the devil!
You do know that I'm not even Christian myself, don't you, Peachie Pie? I mean, I did just sacrifice my last patient to the god of boobies, Hecubus, right before coming into this meeting...
What about Hanukkah? What if you're not Jewish and somebody wishes you a happy Hanu--
.....holy fuck.... Cut! Cut!! Cut off the insane bitch's microphone!!!
M-m-m-megaM-m-m-man wants to distance himself from that cr-r-r-razy whore now.


What are YOU looking at?! Get that goddamn camera out of my face!! You're offending me! You're using torture on me, and I'll sue! I'll sue your ass!!!

Thank you for joining us today, and we'll see you next time when we discuss the safe topic of monkey clitoris piercings: the new fad, or the topic of Michael Crichton's next novel?-- SHOOT her! Use the elephant tranq on her!!!!
I can't get a bead! She's hiding behind the gay elf!
Shoot THROUGH the elf! He hasn't made a decent game in years!
I've got a shot..... I'm taking it. *Blam!!*
*Gush! Gush!!*
Ahhhhh, the start of another glorious Festivus for the rest of us!

Previous NESticision Topic

Next NESticision News TOPIC

Go Back to the NNews Main Page

This Page is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Though, of course, NONE of the characters are belong to him. They are all the property of the rich and powerful Japanese Yakuza (known as Nintendo Corporation), and neither the Yakuza nor the big N support this page or probably even want it up. The opinions on this page are not necessarily the Rossman's either (and they sure as hell ain't Nintendo's). He did create all of the graphics from memory and scratch and he is using them in a purely "satire-rific" manner, in order to be funny and make people laugh. So LAUGH, damn you!