Issue #18: The 2004 United States Presidential Election

John Kerry!
George Bush!
John Kerry!!
George Fuckin' A Bush!!
Jeeeeeeesus H. Suck My Ass Christ! Both of you, shut the fuck up! Neither of those fuck-ups is really good enough to lead us. Accept it!
Heh heh, you're right, champ. Hell, even though Bush freed all those Afghanies, which allowed them to start working the poppy fields for Loco Luiz at dirt cheap prices (of which I pass the savings on to my clientele), I have no real love for the guy. Fuck 'em both!
No! Noooo! Bush is evil! He's... He's evil! He is a Nazi and must die!!! He is EEEEVIL!!!!
.......................... What the fuck, lady?
George W. Bush is evil. Didn't you hear me? I read it somewhere so I know it's true. He kills babies! Iraq was a peaceful place without death and persecutions and it used to have puppies! The whole Iraq War was all a right wing conspiracy!!
Is that true?... Then MegaMan believes it. People say stuff, MegaMan hears stuff. MegaMan now knows stuff.
Waaaaaait a minute, you beatnik princess! Why do you left wing hippy assfucks "hate" George Bush so much? Answer me that. Why do you not just dislike him, but HATE him?
Are you stupid? He's evil!
But he let us have fully automatic machine guns again...
See! Ha! He let that law thingy slide that was keeping automatic guns off the streets and from killing babies! He kills babies!!
Ha HA! I tricked you, you retarded piece of inbred anti-government pigshit! If you actually bothered to READ the REAL news, you'd see that the bill that you're talking about was let slide by Congress or the Senate or some shit! The prez never even had it appear on his desk for him to sign!
Well, that's just as well because he can't read... Cause he's stupid... And evil...
Christ, are we done yet? Can we talk about someth-
No! I want to praise John Kerry now! He's the only person that can save us now!
Save us from what, exactly, and why is he the only one that could do it?
ARE YOU MAD?!? Save us from George Bush! And he's the only one since we for some reason chose him as our candidate last year despite the fact that we originally wanted Howard Dean... But he screams too much. John Kerry was in 'Nam too!
Oh for God's sake! Yes, he was in 'Nam. Yes, he was a swiftboat captain. But don't forget he was only there for FOUR months. He actually retreated from his buddies when he thought they were under enemy fire instead of trying to save them! And John Kerry nominated HIMSELF for all of his war medals. That's like giving yourself a high five... It's pathetic.
Oh for crying.... How much longer is this gonna go on for?! Desperate Housewives is coming on soon! They're all hot...... And desperate.
MegaMan can give himself a high five!
But war is bad, so it doesn't matter!
THEN when he got back from the war he spoke in front of the Senate and told them that HE COMMITTED WAR CRIMES while he was over there. Then he threw away his medals that he nominated himself for... Only he didn't really, he just SAID that he chucked them over the fence. Then he had 20 years of Senatorial service under his belt that he refuses to talk about in public because he just KNOWS that his record there sucks and that he flip flops on EVERY major issue, doesn't support our troops, and plans to kowtow to fucking FRANCE before he ever decides that he wants to protect the United States from terrorists!
.....................Mmmmmmmmmmm, pieeeeeee....
We fucking done, ladies?.......
Bush is the devil!!
Goddammit! Shut up! Can't you see that I have a fucking gun on my arm?! And under our current president, it's legal to shoot stupid hippies!
Wait a minute, wait a minute!.... I knew I recognized your rants and your voice! I think I know who you actually ARE underneath that mask, Samus Aran! Druggle, pin her down so I can take her helmet off!
JUST her helmet?...
What?! No! Unhand me, you heathens!!!
Ha! I knew it!!!
Holy walrus fuck! It's Ann Coulter!... Wait, then who does that make the Princess?
Oh, she's just your average ordinary everyday re-re liberal.
Wanna just lock them all in and burn the whole place down?
Yeah, it's Miller time.
AAAAIIIIIIIEEE! I voted for Perot! Why?!?!?! WHYYYYYY?!?!?!

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