Issue #16: Hollywood Stars With IQs Lower Than My Shoesize Who Like to Tell Us What's Best For Our Country.

 What's this about Marty Sheen? He fucked a horseshoe crab in high school?
 Nah. What I'd heard is he like used his diploma to smoke a joint the size of Texas, then went hunting for Colonel Schultz in the 'Nam, then like went on to become President.
 We should all be so lucky to have Mr. Sheen as President!
 Fuck yeah, sweetie tush! Just imagine... he'd make prostitution legal, he'd pardon Heidi Fleiss, and then he'd have a jumbo orgy in the Oval Office and rename the room the "Oral Office"! That's the kind of leader we need!
 Not Charlie Sheen, you mongo. Martin Sheen! He's dreeeeamy!
 You fucking retards! All of you! He's what we call "an actor". He acts... like an ass most of the time!
 Holy turtle shit! M-m-m-m-ister President?!?

 Howdy, Druggle. Your contributions to my campaign during the last election were greatly appreciated. If you noticed, I just put into effect some "sweeping reforms" on gettin' prescription meds dirt cheap. That's just a tip of the old hat to you, guy.

 Heh heh. You sir, rock my personal little casbah.
 Wait a minute... Before you start shoving each of your little noses up Georgie's ass like addicts searching for a little butt crack to sniff-
 That was the gayest analogy I've ever heard, Princess Pie. You sounded like one of them anti-dick Dixie Chicks whistling dixie to eachother cause they can't get no straight dick-in-ass action of their own!
 Booyah! He got you there, Princess.
 .........Anyway, like I was saying, we should let both sides be heard in this argument, and not just the evil right wing conservative side that W. here is the king of.
 Now, little missy, by referring to the non "evil right wing conservative side" you are in fact referring to the uneducated and uninformed masses of the Hollywood elite, are you not? Cause, you know, Mr. Sheen may play a good president on the television, sweet cakes, but the man never even got a degree from DeVry. I, on the other hand and in an attempt to toot mah own presidential horn, gradiated from both Yale and Harvard, served in the armed forces, and actually have well informed people with spies all over the world telling me secret spy stuff every twenty minutes of every day. I'm pretty sure I know what's goin' on in the world and I can make better international decisions than an ac-tor in Hollywood... Even if he pretends to be in my job in the White House... Which he's really not.
 Yeah, but-
 Plus I owned the Texas Rangers for a while there too. Yeeeeee-haw!
 That doesn't mean jack shit and you know it! Texas sucks, and, and you suck for declaring war on Iraq!!!
 You mean when I declared war on Saddam Hussein's regime for gassing and publicly torturing his own people for years and years? For putting a hit out on my daddy? For encouraging more terrorists to kill more civilians in both Israel and the U.S. of A. by offering money to families of retards who blow themselves up in order to kill innocents?
 Well, yeah! What'd he ever do to you?!
 You mean other than hiring people to sniper my daddy's ass like I just said?

 Whoa whoa whoa! Guys! Dykes! Let's all just calm down here. Okay. Good. Now, Georgieboy, mind if I ask you a few unbiased questions? No? Good, here goes:
What's up with your mom? Like why was she all "Just say no" and shit in the 80s? That really hurt my trade!

 Ummmm, you mean Nancy Reagan's "Just say no" campaign?
 Honestly, boys, I have to agree with you there. That was pretty gay. After doin' a line of the coke and some heavy crystal meth I'd just lay back and laugh my Texas-sized ass off whenever daddy'd make me watch one of those public service announceyments. Seriously, "just say no" to what? Rehab? YEEEEEEEE-HAW!
 Sweeeeet! So, anyway, George Jr.... Um so are your daughters like legal yet?
 You know what, Mr. Druggle, I'm not quite sure. I've been pretty busy these past two years blowin' evil dickfaces up and all. Tell you what though, all you have to do is take them a few miles out into international waters, or down South to Mexico, and whoop, there it is! Mum's the word for me.. Just as long as your "campaign charity" continues at a reasonable pace. You get mah drift?
 Yeeeeeah. Just take the twins out of my jurisdiction and your diction can juris them twenty ways till Sunday. Ya hear?
 Hey Mario! I'm gonna need the keys to your Pimp-mobile for a few hours. Comprende?
 Great, yeah, whatever. So, Georgie, when you were talking about making Afghanistan a legal and freedom-loving country like ours... Were you going to leave their incredible poppy seed exportation business alone? Or were you going to burn all that lush flora into ashes for no apparent reason what-so-ever?
 Let's just get back on track here. Republicans suck ass and that's that! They're just war-mongering mentals who get their jollies from torturing children and pissing on puppies!
 Yeah? But don't forget that most of us have powersuits with lasers and we like to shoot things.
 Madre de dios!!!!
 Adios, you poofy pissant! *ZAP!*
 *Sniff Sniff!* Mmmmmm, that reminds me! I have a barbeque goin' on in the Rose Garden! Who's with me?
 Well, she was my booty call tonight, Mr. President... So I'm a little bummed right now.
 Heeeey, buddy, don't be like that! You know, Laura's been trying to talk me into a menage-a-troi with a surly Italian plumber-type guy for a while now... What d'ya say, pardner?
 Well, how about: Yippee kai yay, motherfucker!

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