Issue #14: Sean Connery - Man or Beast?

 Let's get back to business. Has anybody seen my butt plug and anus clamp?

 Shit! Don't look at me.

 D-d-d-d-d-don't mega look at M-m-m-m-m-mega M-m-m-m-man....

 Yeah. Uh, don't look at-

 I AM looking at you, you fucking greasy stain of a man. You goddamn perv... Just keep 'em.

 *Sigh*..... How come nobody makes fun of you for owning them in the first pl-

Herro, most honorable members of justice. Prease arrow me to honor you with most unworthy request. Super space power is need to do the battle with akuma of very bad space evir.

 ................. Can I shoot him?

Most humble Ryu makes to revenge honorable father-san with order to destruction over demon before many sex times with big tittied gaijin woman in cheap hotels. You are friends?

 Whoa whoa WHOA there, champ. I caught that part about the big tits. So uh, are you like going to die soon and need somebody to super-mega-dimensional scrub this tart's twat? 'Cause like hey, I'm the magical bubbleland creature for the job.

Ryu! Goddamn it you retarded piece of slant-eyed scum!! Haven't you completed your mission that we kidnapped you to do yet? Do you want us to kill another family member of yours to hurry your sweet little yellow ass up?! Huh? Here, how about this....

Ryu... I'm sorry, baby. They caught me right outside my pimp's house. They... they say that they're going to cut off my titties and send them to Mexico if you don't finish your simple fucking job!!!

 Santamaria! These guys are hard core! Whoo hoo! Go CIA guy! You rock!

Heh-heh, heh-heh... Yeah, I really do.

....................................... *Cough*.............................

 *Psssst!* Who's that gay guy in the leather over in the corner?

Why? You want his number?.... Fudge packer.


BWA HA HA HA HA!!! Bow before el Jaquio! Soy el chupacabra del pene gordo! Chu will sniff my dirty ass wind and worship me!!!

 Mario, what in the blazes of Brinstar is going on?!

 *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* HUH?!?! What?! Where am I? Who are you?!

NO! Bow before Me! I am Ashtar... Lord of Destruction! Destroyer of Worlds! Worlds of Your Dreams!! Dreams of Your Days!! Days of Our Lives!!

You cunt bastardo!! Chu work for me! Remember, chico? I fuckin' hired chur fuckin' ass off da street? Chu gone completely braindead, amigo? Remember, puto, chu was beggin' for scraps of fuckin' White Castle when I gave chu that fuckin' mask and dat goddamn sword! Wha-chu been smokin', man?!

Oh... Uh, sorry, jefe. I, uh, didn't recognize you with those... those tentacles? They really, um, really bring out your eyes, boss.

Ryu! Thank God I found you in time! I have something very important to tell you! Your father and I... Well, we.... Urm.... We liked to touch eachother where our bathing suits covered. *WHEW!* I'm so glad I got that off my chest!

 Walter!!! I'm.. I'm shocked! You didn't call me when you "played doctor" with that asian guy's daddy?!?! I'm listed, you know. I'm the only "Link Butt Pirate" in the Gay Yellow Pages!

Most honorable Doctor Smithsu! You have sex wiss papa-san?!?!... Honorable "Rage of Saving Face" building!!! New product!!!

Uh oh! No! Ryu, you mustn't kill that cock-loving doctor! He's the only hope we have for killing Ashtar... Er, The Jaquio! Plus he really knows his way around the cock and balls! Dammit! Irene, talk some sense into your nub-loving nip!

Oh, sugar baby! Don't be like that now. Just... Just play nice and everything's gunna be all right, Pooh Bear. Just don't kill anymore whiteys and you won't have to go back to that man-lovin' cell block in Sing Sing.

 What was that?! Okay, I'm awake now.... Who's the broad with the knockers?

 Shut the hell up! This is just starting to get really screwed up!

*Deeeeeep ninja trained breathing!*

Holy shit, he's gunna go berserker!!!! RUN!!

....................... The hell?!?!?....................... *Urg!*
(Falls Dead)

 Whoa!! What the fuck?! Did that ninja have a fucking gun?!

NO!!!!!!! *AAAAARGH!!* Who has been dishonoring wiss my attempt of murder wiss douseiaisha beardman?!?!? Blind Japanese anger rage forcing me to ninja-kill again!!!




 Wow... Kinda makes you think.
At least nobody we care about got killed in the cross-slashing.

 .......Pray... for... M-m-m-m-meg-g-g-g-g...... *Uh!*
 Whatever. Whoa... Only in gangland have I ever witnessed a slaughter the likes of dat.... Only in gangland. So, Ryu, goomba... El friendo. Want a job where you get to kill about a hundred jokers, like those piles of meat you just whacked, a week?

 Hmmmm. I just wonder who fired that shot that took out that ass-spellunking doc... I wonder...

 Umm, yes... Who could have fired that arm launched mini-explosive missile-- Uh, I mean "gun" at him.

 So, Mario... Did you really mean it when you said I could keep those "devices" I borrowed?

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