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Sin-City for the Seven Deadlies
(02/06/2002)
Who knows what evil lurks in
the hearts of men? Well, besides the Shadow I'm pretty sure that
I do. I've seen every kind of evil available to the populous
in this day and age (and thanks to some time traveling pals I've
seen some in the future that have yet to be invented).
How does mankind become evil, you ask? Are people born evil?
Is their soul condemned to eternal pain and suffering and licking
of puss filled boils due to a misfiled printout in Heaven? Yes,
but also because of SIN. Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before.
"Sin is the cause of all suffering and hatred and blah blah
blah..." But you know what? Sin is also the cause of humanity's
best achievements and favorite pastimes.
Let's go through the list of the seven deadlies, shall we?
There's lust; pride; envy; gluttony; wrath; greed; and sloth.
Pride built the pyramids, the city of Rome and the Armani empire.
Lust makes prostitution and the porno industry the oldest and
most successful businesses in the world. Envy made boob jobs
possible. Gluttony made 60% of Americans obese and jiggly. Wrath
gave us the atomic bomb. Greed created Bill Gates and many a
U.S. president. And sloth made us uncaring and damn proud
of it... which relates back to pride.
Now, not satisfied with mere hear-say that there was a Mecca
of Sin (a, shall we say, "Sin-City" of sorts) in the
wild wild West of the US frontier, the Wolfman and I journeyed
far and distant to find out once and for all if Las Vegas, Nevada
was indeed the world's capital of depravity. Many shocking stuff
was discovered, and an evil time was had by all. This is our
immoral tale.
Unedited, uncropped, and
untampered with. Just pure, unadulterated crappy photography.
Before I get started though,
let me explain to you the picture above. This is an excellent
example of why the Wolfman should never be allowed near a camera
ever again under penalty of crocodile bite to the marble sack.
It turns out that he doesn't truly give a crap about art forms
such as photography and webpage design. Every carefully crafted
and lined up shot (that I even set up for him to take)
with me in it came out looking like Helen Keller snapped it for
a picture taking class taught by Stevie Wonder. The image of
me above was supposed to showcase my head (first and foremost),
the candy I was eating and the background of the big chocolate
poster and the three women in the plastic hairnets.
Now, let's count the things that are wrong with it. My head
is definitely not in the shot. The candy really can't be seen
(it kind of appears that I'm picking my nose). The poster is
totally cropped off so it looks like a fiery asteroid, and only
one and maybe 1/2 women are shown scowling at us from behind
the counter. Now before you go defending the hairy bastard in
any way, let me tell you that I took a good minute to set up
the shot for him. I found the perfect spot for both he and I
to stand and I even showed him where to aim the lens... I swear
to God that all he did was point the camera at crotch level and
click in embarrassment because he was taking a picture of a dude
in flannel pretending to eat a candy in the Ethel M's Chocolate
Factory. Little did he know that I would ask him to take even
greater embarrassments in posing and shooting over the course
of our insidious stay. And little did I know that he would fuck
up more than half of my well thought out photo-ops for the sake
of his laziness.
I guess this picture fiasco brought out my wrath and
the Wolfman's sloth. That's a pretty good sinny start
right there.
 The
Wolfman and I had to take a stop-over in New York before we made
it to our final destination: the Land of the Wicked. New York
kind of got us in the mood for what was ahead though. There are
tons of degenerates just walking around in broad daylight. And
most are even sicker than those we found in Vegas itself! Take
this photo to the left as a prime example. The Wolfman just wanted
a shot to show his 'rents that New York truly had cleaned up
its act and became a "nice" town since 9/11 (What this
really meant was that all the pervs and sickos now felt free
to just walk around town asking all the locals and tourists to
either politely look at their crotch and/or politely grab their
crotch... Well, that's what the Wolfman thought it meant... and
what he did). So, after the Wolfman posed for the picture, this
freak and his daughter came slithering over and proceeded to
try and talk us into some really kinky shit. I was almost ready
to take them up on their offer, but the weaselly fellow in the
glasses had to then make up some lies about being a big time
director. He said he wanted to put us in his next movie, but
the Rossman don't swing that way. He was probably some broke
porn producer looking for some raw talent in the slums of the
city that never sleeps. I suppose that's sort of sinful. Greed
for cash and lust for my bod are indeed sins (according
to the movie Seven). |
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Yes,
GREED even blinded me while I was in Vegas. I guess I'm not as
strong as I thought I was.